CHINESE HELP: May someone check my Chinese Writing

[kaomianbao]

Here is my Chinese Writing draft for my Writing GCSE, please may someone read over it and highlight any mistakes, I would be very grateful

Any mistakes, no matter how small, will be greatly appreciated if highlighted

Thank you

My piece has to be under 250 words and entitled 'My Last Holiday'

Here is my Chinese Writing draft for my Writing GCSE, please may someone read over it and highlight any mistakes, I would be very grateful

Any mistakes, no matter how small, will be greatly appreciated if highlighted

Thank you

My piece has to be under 250 words and entitled 'My Last Holiday'

[skylee]

I will just do the first sentence and let the others do the rest -> 去年我和我的家人去了斯里蘭卡*度假*，*旅程*十分有趣。BTW Isn't GCSE an exam that is supposed to test YOUR Chinese proficiency?

[kaomianbao]

Thank you! And well, as a controlled assessment I'm allowed all the help from my teacher as I want, but the week before I have to write it out my assessment in exam conditions my teacher isn't allowed to help me; it's very weird. Therefore, my teacher recommended we seek help from other Chinese speakers to check our final pieces.

[Hiddener]

wrong writing, not 局促, is 焗促

与众不同 include the meaning of very, so you no need to add "很"

下雨的时候, 我比较高兴 use 我比较喜欢下雨天 can make the sentence more smooth

[skylee]

I disagree with the advice in #4 regarding 局促. It is correct. Another way to write it is 侷促. Using 焗 is wrong.

[Baron]

You know the quickest way to get loads of corrections from native speakers is to stick it on Lang-8. I would assume that native Chinese speakers are a minority here.

[Hofmann]

Yes, Lang-8 is the better resource for proofreading, but the language learners (and learned) here can provide some information that native speakers can't readily provide. Typical native speaker feedback goes something like "it feels natural" or "it feels awkward."

Overall, in your handwriting, you need to pay more attention to the relative lengths of strokes, i.e. what should extend past what, what should be wider/taller than what.

客 is missing the 4th stroke in all instances.

Separate the first and 5th strokes in 市. There exists a character 巿.

In 比, if you have to hook, do it to the right one. Otherwise, the left is ㇀ and the right is 一.

In 值, I recommend connecting the 目-looking part to the bottom stroke, so people don't think you're trying to write 値, so they don't think you merged the 亻 with the ㇄.

Check out how 尤 is written.

That last sentence is difficult to understand without a 是因為 after 尤其 and a comma before it instead of a period.

[MC104]

很多语法错误，书写不规范。2分（满分10分）

[Shelley]

I think you should be handing in this piece of work exactly as you have written it and not with the corrections from the good people here.

This is suppose to be to test Your work not everyone here.

You need to have your work marked as is and then Learn from your mistakes..

[davoosh]

GCSE work is sent to external examiners for marking, it doesn't get sent back to the student.

I know the format, and for almost every language GCSE, on this task people just ask their teacher for corrections and then try and memorise the 'good' version. S/He's not doing much different from 90% of French or Spanish GCSE students in the country to be honest.

[Ruben von Zwack]

This is actually not specifically Chinese, but (as far as I know) applies to pretty much every modern written language in this world:

- Insert some space after each period。 And likewise, after each comma, just like this。 Do not,however,write like this.It is wrong.And hard to read.

It seems to me you consequently set both too narrow, but to give an example, in line 2: 小时，所以 it looks as if the comma were part of 所.

Period and comma take up the space of a whole Hanzi (or letter in the latin alphabet), even though they sit on the left of that space. So the hand writing should reflect that. Hope it's clear what I mean.

My last tip is rather for aesthetics and ease of reading: leave more space between the lines.

For example, line 11 is so close to line 12, the comma between the words 卡, 我 looks as if it were part of the Hanzi below. This happens in quite a few instances.

Good Luck!

[MandarinCslpod]

Writing in Chinese deserves encouragement. Here are some corrections for your reference:

去年，我和我的家人去了斯里兰卡度假。这次度假十分有趣。从伦敦飞往斯里兰卡一共十四个小时，所以下飞机后我觉得很累。我特别喜欢那里的文化，因为它很与众不同。我觉得那里的人非常亲切和气。虽然没有参观那里的城市，只在农村游玩，但是我觉得非常有趣。我们每天坐出租车出行，因为当地的出租车特别便宜。只是出租车很小，有点儿局促。我们有时去海边冲浪。斯里兰卡人说近年来越来越多的游客喜欢来此冲浪。那里的天气非常炎热，所以我很喜欢那里的雨天。如果你有机会去斯里兰卡，我推荐你去参观它的寺庙。这里的寺庙真的非常美轮美奂。我的梦想是将来去中国。我对中国的生活方式非常感兴趣，所以我在学校里学习了汉语。

[Webber King]

Well done! I think if you keep learning it, your Chinese will be much better in the future! I have revised some words, and tried my best to keep your sentences original. 

 

去年，我和我的家人去了斯里兰卡【度假】，十分有趣！从伦敦上飞机后，一共【飞】了十四个小说，所以我觉得很累。我特别喜欢那里的文化，因为它很与众不同。我的印象是那里的人非常亲切和客气。虽然我们没有参观城市，但是农村更有趣。每天，我们坐出租车外出，因为特别便宜，不过出租车又小又局促。我们有时去海滩冲浪，斯里兰卡人说近年越来越多的游客喜欢来冲浪。下雨的时候，我比较高兴，因为天气【时常很热】。如果你将来也【会】去斯里兰卡，我觉得它的寺庙值得参观，因为它太漂亮了。将来我梦想去中国，因为我对中国的生活方式感兴趣，尤其【是】我还在学校学汉语！

 

I think many of your sentences could be better. If you want, I can revised your essay in this way, but I think what you need is to learn how to improve by yourself. So that's why I tried to keep your essay original. You should know, there are many better way to describe it!

 

I'm a Chinese novelist, if you want to learn more, you can ask me!