Any information on how to get my girlfriend into America?

[Alexander13]

Okay, so I'm going to try to make this short.

My girlfriend and I have been together for a while, but my time in China is probably going to end in about a year. Because of this, we're really thinking about our future together because we really don't want to have our relationship cut-off due to immigration laws.

We want for her to be able to come to America and see what she thinks, and then possibly stay there with me. What is required to do this?

Worth noting is that I'm 19 and she's 22. So, things like "Get married" and "Get pregnant" are ridiculous things for us to be considering. I just finished high school and have college ahead of me. We love each other deeply but marriage and kids is something we're not at the age to be doing, period.

So we're looking at any options that don't entail those things. Every time I look online it's like I'm basically being told "Get married or have kids or forget about it altogether". It's a very depressing wall to be hitting for a very young couple.

Well, as far as jobs and residence and all go, I'm looking for my first English-teaching job in China (which will also be my first-ever job, if I can get one) and still live with my father right now. Since I live from him I don't have any funds of my own to be independent with, after all. She went to college and got a degree in "Marketing / World Trade" but I think she was just really pressured into doing that and didn't really like it. To this day she still hasn't used that degree for anything. So, she's trying to get a job here too, basically.

Anyway, I'd just like it cut-and-dry what are the requirements to get her into the US for a good visit and possibly to stay with me there?

As usual, I expect a lot of scrutiny about our age. A lot of people would say we're just plain too young, end of story. Especially me. But we really love each other and just accepting "This is going to end and there's nothing we can do about it, so our relationship is pointless" isn't an answer either of us can really swallow. We don't even want to think about it because the thought hurts us deeply.

So, I mean, certainly there's SOMETHING we can do, isn't there? Any ideas at all..?

Thanks..

- Alex

[langxia]

If she went to college and could continue her studys in the us somewhere around the place you live I guess that would be your best bet. That way she could get a legal visa and you wouldn't need to get married and have kids right away.

[roddy]

Someone already made a website exactly for you:

http://candleforlove.com/forums/

While you will get advice here, most of the members here are about getting themselves into China, not getting other people out of it.

[yonglin]

Getting her a student visa (maybe a master's program...?) is probably the only possibility of having her stay (legally) for any extended time in the US.

Other options you might consider include:

(1) Staying in China. If you're worried about the quality of education, quite a few western universities now have local campuses in China.

(2) Moving together to a third country. Perhaps a place like HK or Singapore would offer a good combination of colleges for yourself and employment opportunities for your girlfriend?

FYI, getting even a *visitor* visa to US (three-month maximum stay) would require your girlfriend to prove that she has significant ties to China (e.g., owns real estate, has a good job to return to). The fact that she is in a relationship with you would very severely work against her. Given your description, I don't even think it's worth giving a shot.

And re US immigration, I don't know why you keep talking about babies. If you want to sponsor your girlfriend for permanent residency in the US, you need to (1) get married or have the intention to get married after her arrival in the US, (2) reasonably demonstrate to US officials that your relationship is not a fraud, and (3) meet certain requirements regarding US-based income or assets. No babies required.

[msittig]

One of the cruel realities of the US immigration system is that there turns out to be no "friend visa"; there's a huge gap between the visitor/tourist visa, which is good up to a year but with no work privileges, and the green card/permanent residency, which has residency requirements and whose natural culmination is naturalization/citizenship. This is probably a good thing for the US in the aggregate, but when it comes to our own girl/boyfriends it's a hard pill to swallow. Yonglin's post above is a good summary of the halfway solutions.

It's why my wife and I have delayed returning to the US for so long. And it'll be OK for you, making and planning for these kinds of big decisions is a part of growing up.

[roddy]

Any follow up on this at all?

[Alexander13]

People still care? Haha. I made this account just to post this honestly. I just checked my secondary e-mail's spam-folder by chance and found a message telling me there's been a reply here.

Nothing has become of it. I've just been staying in China for an extra year. I honestly believe that thinking this relationship is going to go far is unrealistic. It's a nice thought, but in the end I'm 20, she's 23, I'm American, she's Chinese, and there's all kinds of complications from communication to location to stuff like her biological clock ticking and me being too young to take care of that issue to deal with. She's talking about kids when I'm at an age where I don't want to hear that subject at all.

Basically, we're just idle right now. I'm on a gap year I guess. Most likely thing that's gonna happen in the end is I'll probably have say my goodbyes and return to America for college. She doesn't have the means to go to America without marrying and I'm not marrying anyone. Even if I did, I wouldn't have the means to support her and she's unlikely to get a job over there as I doubt many want to hire some Chinese girl that only speaks English half-fluently.

Besides that, I've dated nothing but Chinese girls my whole life, because I've lived here since I was 16. Maybe it's time for me to start dating people from my own nationality. My only issue is that most people from my own country don't like me. But besides that, I've felt a gap in all of my relationships here. With all the cultural differences and difficulty in communication, there's no way to relay deep thoughts to them or have them truly understand me. I think it's a gap that can probably only be filled by dating someone from the same kind of society I'm from. Someone I can relate to better. I have the same personality as my girlfriend (kinda) and that's why we suit each other so well, but that's it. Besides that, we have little to talk about and little common interests.

So, that's that. It's probably going to have to come to a close. I need to move on with my life and go through the process of growing-up and she needs to find a man that's older and can serve her needs better than I can. I guess this is one of the big main issues and why people avoid situations where the girl is the older one in the relationship. It's so much simpler when the man is the older one, really.

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By the way, nice website. I had my own at http://freelancers.forum.st for a while, but it became a mess and I stopped on it ages ago. Trying to get the site to look good at any and all resolutions was the most difficult part in my opinion, and I never got it totally right.