height of a couple and perception?

[civic94]

I myself is an american born Chinese, and never really been to china. the Chinese folks from china that i met in college has told me that height is a major issue, i think it makes sense since there are more men than women there. they said that in a marriage, both sides look at height, looks, education, money, family background, and then decide. it seems more of a business deal than love.

the way society is here, most women would like to have a taller man, (I am just putting things in general) and taller men have better genes, can protect the women, and so on. if a women is taller than a man, I would say it looks odd but its not like someone is going to laugh at that couple. I get the part where in the west, there is the "everyone is created equal" so being short, you can still have a job but there is a glass ceiling at some point, where height matters.

so in china, if a woman is taller than a man, and they are a couple, what would other people say/think, and is it a very bad thing? like how would a woman think? how would a man think? would the woman be worried how someone will think about them/ man think he is less of a man to be with a taller woman?

[roddy]

They'd think his looks, education, money or family background must compensate in some way.

"I myself is" - Is this standard of English normal for American colleges now, or is it deliberate? I'm not sure if I'm the only one who finds it irritating.

[skylee]

I get the part where in the west, there is the "everyone is created equal" so being short, you can still have a job

Deng Xiaoping had a job.

[liuzhou]

I'm not sure if I'm the only one who finds it irritating.

Nope.

I just keep thinking "I, not myself,..."

Nearly as irritating as starting every post with "So, ..."

taller men have better genes, can protect the women, and so on

What?

Deng Xiaoping had a job.

How did he get it?

[WestTexas]

Rejected men are always looking for some way to explain their rejection... for a short man, it might be height some of the time, but I think that's usually not the only factor.

The 'tall=better genes' argument is a little ridiculous. It's not like we are cavemen whacking each other with clubs. In a modern war, taller guys are easier to shoot, and taller people, above a certain level, have shorter life expectancy.

[dnevets]

Tall is not always good... here's one example: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/XXYY_syndrome

"...height is a major issue, i think it makes sense since there are more men than women there..."

Not quite sure what you mean. What's the connection?

"I get the part where in the west, there is the "everyone is created equal" so being short, you can still have a job but there is a glass ceiling at some point, where height matters."

Perhaps I'm reading this wrongly, but does "west" need to be replaced by "east" in this sentence?

[abcdefg]

so in china, if a woman is taller than a man, and they are a couple, what would other people say/think, and is it a very bad thing?

A short Chinese man often likes to be seen with a tall, good looking woman. It's a status symbol, like driving a 宝马 (BMW.)

[HusbandOfWuhan]

Obviously most couples in the world have a taller man and shorter woman. Not all, but most. And this is normal because men are on average taller than women. It's not to say that a shorter man cannot be with a taller woman. It's just that these cases are statistically less common and therefore can be seen by Chinese people (or any other types of people) in general as undesirable or unusual. Sure some people will care and think it strange. But there are also people who don't care. No matter what it is, no one will suddenly attack you just because you're a man and shorter than your partner.

Hope that helps.

[Hofmann]

Note that until recently, few people in China could obtain a nutritional diet and a healthy lifestyle. Therefore, people ended up being much shorter than they could be. This is in contrast to most Western countries where most people aren't malnourished. (More like overnourished.) Therefore, being tall is a status symbol, showing that one can afford to eat healthily. Kind of like pale skin.

Is this standard of English normal for American colleges now

I bet there's some college out there...

[LuckyRice]

I don't know if it's different where you are... but everywhere I've travelled in North America has a stigma about short men overall, in general.

Women are usually at least a few inches shorter than men. Therefore, even if it's a tall woman and average man, he seems smaller in direct comparison and therefore their "what I've seen in the past" goggles see it as odd that he's so short in comparison to her. The fact that she's tall doesn't factor for some reason.

But it's all very shallow thinking. I know people that are nearly a foot shorter than me that are far more capable physically.

[WestTexas]

everywhere I've travelled in North America has a stigma about short men overall

What do you mean, a stigma? In Texas we don't have a stigma against short men.

My sister's husband is 5'4''. He's still fairly successful. He's married (obviously), has a house, and two kids. My sister is the same height as him, not shorter or taller.

My cousin is 5'6'' and has had a series of very good-looking girlfriends and one wife.

One of my friends in college was 5'7''. Not very short, but not tall. One semester, he slept with 9 different girls. Really.

In China, there is definitely height discrimination, but I don't think it's a big deal in the US, at least not in Texas.

[WestTexas]

would the woman be worried how someone will think about them/ man think he is less of a man to be with a taller woman?

If anything, wouldn't the man be MORE of a man for being with a taller woman?

[count_zero]

Humans are broadly polygynous, meaning that men are larger than women in order to compete for their affections. In western countries you will notice that men who are two or three inches above normal height and of average physical attractiveness have no problem in getting a girlfriend.

Browsing Chinese dating site for research purposes you will see a lot of women demanding suitors of a certain height. The more reasonable ones may say that as long as he's taller than her then that's ok. I don't believe this is common in western countries. Is this because Chinese women are more direct about what they want or due to height being of particular status as suggested by poster 9 or, perhaps most likely, a combination of both factors?

Chinese has a term 半残废, which is defined by Eveline Chao as:

Literally "half-handicapped" or "half cripple." Jokingly said of a man who is shorter than his woman.

So, there definitely is the concept that in China a man should be taller than his girlfriend of wife (something that as a westerner I don't think I would notice, unless the woman was like three foot taller or something), however, Chao is suggesting that the term, although ostensibly incredibly rude, is actually more like a joke. I think it's worth bearing in mind that Chinese people are much more likely than westerners to point out that somebody is fat, old, bald, drinks too much or whatever but this doesn't necessarily they want to cause offense or even particularly care about it.

I have noticed that some Chinese politicians are quite short. I met the mayor of Dujiangyan a few years ago and he was certainly not a tall man. It's quite possible some Chinese men come to the conclusion "Well, I'm short so I'd better put myself in a position to take in some serious backhanders so I can get myself a wife and mistresses!"

"I myself is" gets quite a lot of results on Google though I have no idea where that comes from. It sounds rather like lolcat lingo or the slip of someone who cannot into grammar.

[WestTexas]

I'm still not getting how anyone could arrive at the conclusion that someone is less manly for being with a taller girl. If taller people are generally considered more attractive, and the shorter man gets a taller woman, doesn't that suggest he's just that much better everywhere else? Like, I don't see why they would make fun of the guy for this. Maybe they feel threatened by a man who makes it seem like height doesn't matter?

Haters gonna hate, I suppose.

[LuckyRice]

I'm not sure about the eastern states - it may be different there. It may also be different in non-megalopolis areas.

I find that the preferences count_zero said are prevalent at least in the western states. They don't verbalize it when seeking men out, but they'll say it to people like friends or in casual conversation.

That being said it's just a preference in these areas. Just like many people often prefer built or at least fit guys - but when it comes down to it, people can't cherry-pick who they're attracted to in the end. You rarely end up with someone that looks like who you pictured yourself with.

[Lu]

In western countries you will notice that men who are two or three inches above normal height and of average physical attractiveness have no problem in getting a girlfriend.

There are a lot of factors to getting a girlfriend and height is one of them, but simply being tall and not too bad-looking has never been sufficient. There are plenty of tall single men.

Browsing Chinese dating site for research purposes you will see a lot of women demanding suitors of a certain height. The more reasonable ones may say that as long as he's taller than her then that's ok. I don't believe this is common in western countries.

There's an interesting blog post on that, here. Seems that in the US at least, men at least think they'll be more attractive when they're taller.

[MarioZach]

I think that among young and modern people in China it is not really an issue and I don´t think height in a relationship would be a big deal even among the rest of the population...

[淨土極樂]

Yes, the Chinese do care a lot about height (ever wondered where Internet memes like 高富帅 came from?). It's yet another status symbol in this highly competitive society.

[civic94]

Yes, the Chinese do care a lot about height (ever wondered where Internet memes like 高富帅 came from?). It's yet another status symbol in this highly competitive society.

thanks. do you have more into this? I started this post because i have been trying to learn mandarin by watching Chinese dramas and news. in some of the dramas and news, it shows parents who put their kids height, weight, salary, while sitting in a park, wishing that their kids will get married. it seems like height is very important, on top of money.

speaking of height, is a tiny percentage (maybe 2% ?) of people in china that are tall by western standards right? such as 5'9 or taller for a women, and 6'4 or taller for a man. Obviously yao ming, the chiense mens and womens basketball team are tall, but I'm asking this because I have lived my life in america and all the Chinese/asian i seen here, i never met any men thats over 6'2 and a women over 5'6. and for those tall men, is getting a wife much easier, and for the women is getting married much harder?

thanks

[Johnny20270]

This is just standard stuff anywhere in the world, all else being equal, taller, richer, better build, better personality, confidence is in a guys favour

Every single woman I know say the same, they want a guy taller than they are, whether the get it or not, that's a different story

Its the same for guys. Naturally I prefer a pretty, smart woman with a great figure over someone who is stumpy and fat but that's life isn't it.

One thing I would say is that in the physical aspect, men are at an advantage as woman are more forgiving that guys for not being physically perfect, but its a sliding scale isn't it. Also given my friends have been chasing woman for 20 years, one aspect is for certain; the shorter bloke with the better personality always beats the taller guy with the personality of a door stop. I have seen it far too many times!