translating 再牛屄的“宇宙真理”也救不了天朝奇葩

[Kenny同志]

Care to give it a shot, folks?

A bit background information might help. The term 宇宙真理 was coined by 解放軍報. About forty days ago, the newspaper published on its frontpage an editorial entitled "中國夢的自信在哪裡”, in which the author said that "面对当今复杂多变的国际环境、艰巨复杂的国内改革发展任务、党所面临的严峻考验和危险，极大地增强同心共筑中国梦的自信，首要的是始终同心坚守中国特色社会主义信仰，笃信'我们信仰的主义，乃是宇宙的真理'".

[skylee]

Your version?

不拋磚還想引玉？

[Kenny同志]

I wanted to, but I couldn't translate the tone and 奇葩. That's why I came here for help.

Anyway, here's my version: Those "universal truths" can't save the CCP, however fucking great they are.

[skylee]

So 天朝奇葩 refers to the CCP?

[Kenny同志]

I think so. 天朝指朝廷，古為敬語，今為謔語。奇葩，言行奇特，世間罕有之人也。

姊姊對譯文有何高見？

[anonymoose]

肯尼，你的译文很地道，不过一般最后的词语不能缩写，就是they are不宜写为they're。也可以写no matter how great they are，脏话自添。

[Kenny同志]

Thanks for your comment, Anonymoose. I've corrected it.

[陳德聰]

I think it needs a more free translation to capture the 再... 也... feeling.

You couldn't save the CCP, even with a magical box full of "universal truths".

I wanted something snappier than magical box but I am all out of witty hyperbole for the day apparently

[skylee]

姊姊對譯文有何高見？

當然是譯得好，譯得妙，譯得呱呱叫。

[imron]

Anyway, here's my version: Those "universal truths" can't save the CCP, however fucking great they are.

The thing I don't like about this is that it splits "universal truths" from the description of those truths by half a sentence.

In my opinion a slight rewording makes it smoother to read:

"Universal truths", no matter how fucking great, can't save the CCP.

Is there anymore context however? Like skylee, I query whether 天朝奇葩 refers to CCP. There are enough references of 天朝 and even 天朝奇葩 on the Internet that have nothing to do with the government (see for example here) that makes me wonder whether this is appropriate. Either way, I think the translation should probably have 'douches' or 'douchebags' in there somewhere too.

[skylee]

Re the rewording in #10. I think it assumes that there is only one level of greatness for the different universal truths. I think the original sentence implies that some universal truths are greater than others.

[skylee]

Can we use cosmic instead of universal?

[Kenny同志]

當然是譯得好，譯得妙，譯得呱呱叫。

妳太誇張了，姊姊，說得我臉都紅了。都不知道你說的是正話還是反話……

Thanks for your input, Imron. It's really great.

Is there anymore context however? Like skylee, I query whether 天朝奇葩 refers to CCP.

From Tecent Weibo:

GDP救不了大清；原子弹宇宙飞船救不了苏联；石油财富救不了老萨老卡；宇宙真理救不了天朝奇葩。

Now it's obvious that 天朝奇葩 in the title means the same thing as it does in the above quote.

也可這樣分析：宇宙真理是解放軍報之發明，而解放軍報乃中共之喉舌，所發之聲即中共之聲。中共作宇宙真理之論所為者何？無非苟延性命而已。但是，宇宙真理救不了它。

Without more context, you can look at the matter this way to find out what 天朝奇葩 refers to: "Universal Truths" is an invention of 解放軍報, a mouthpiece of the CCP, which means that this is, in essence, an invention of the party. They invented this ridiculous term in the hope that it could somehow help them stay in power forever, but that's a pipe dream because people are not so gullible now as they used to be, thanks to the Internet, though the Chinese media is still under their tight control.

[imron]

Can we use cosmic instead of universal?

Possibly, but I don't think it's as good. 'Universal' is more neutral language, whereas 'cosmic' can have a sort of pseudo-spiritual connotation (especially in the context of 'cosmic truths') and is the sort of phrasing you'd expect people who believe in astrology and the healing powers of crystals to use.

Now it's become obvious that 天朝奇葩 in the title means the same thing as it does in the above quote.

Agreed. Thanks for the context.

[陳德聰]

believe in astrology and the healing powers of crystals

It seems oddly appropriate then, given we're talking about China...

[skylee]

You see, normal people usually talk about 普世價值. 宇宙真理 is really not what people use in normal everyday language IMHO.

[Kenny同志]

同意姊姊所言。