Help!...meeting potential in-laws and family for the first time.

[trix]

She never mentioned 'red envelope'. I know that through my research and talking to my chinese co-workers. She is definitely a not gold-digger because I tested her in many ways. Yes, she is not making lots of money, but money is not everything for everyone. Definitely money it's not important for me because I had the chance to be with (almost) rich chinese, here in Canada, but I rejected them because if I don't love, money is useless. So I am willing to spend the little money I have to be with the woman I love.

The cash gift would be easy in a way that I don't have to go shopping and carry the items in my luggage. However, I assume I have to give more money when the wedding will take place. So if I give 2000RMB now, what should I expect later?

Regarding all these 'movies' and sad stories, I agree, they are real. However, nobody mentioned positive stories. I know a few personally and nobody offered to make a movie on them because they would be 'boring'. Humans love negative news and tragic stories, so no wonder that internet is full of them. Anyway, if any of you can find me a wife that GUARANTEED will be with me 'forever' I am willing to listen.

Thank you!

[xiaomawang]

Do not give Money as first time gift even you know they love money very much. You are not going to propose right? First time meeting you just do someting '不过不失‘ would be fine, foods & drinks are mild.

[Angelina]

Trix, forget these arranged marriages! Travel, meet people, talk to people, make jokes, be confident, approach the women you find attractive and they might also find you attractive!

[abcdefg]

Post #31 -- And I met/chat with at least 200 Chinese women before I found her.

@trix -- If you have already chatted up 200 Chinese women, and might need to chat up some more, It would seem to be a sensible investment of time and effort to learn a bit of the language. If you quest turns out to indeed be over now that you have found "Ms. Right" then you could use your newly acquired Chinese to communicate with her, her relatives and some mutual Chinese friends.

Some of us here can help you with a project like that.

[skylee]

Travel, meet people, talk to people, make jokes, be confident, approach the women you find attractive and they might also find you attractive!

This sounds so much easier said than done. For many people, things just don't happen this way.

[Guest realmayo]

Yeah there's a reason people use regular internet dating companies in the West.

[anonymoose]

I don't think there's anything wrong with internet dating in principle. I guess many or maybe most people meet their significant other just by pure serendipity, for example, at university, at work, or through friends of friends. But for those who don't, and have to specifically go out looking, the internet provides an efficient conduit. I think the problem is that meeting someone online leaves a lot to the imagination, and in most cases, the image conjured up is very different to how the person is in reality, not to mention that the person in question has almost certainly not presented themself objectively. Personally I cannot understand how someone could be confident in knowing another person, with whom they don't share a common language, and who they have only met twice in person. I suspect the OP has fallen in love with what he imagines the woman to be rather than the real woman. And personally, I'd be very wary of any woman who is talking marriage after the second meeting, regardless of whether she was met on the internet or otherwise.

[roddy]

Nobody said it was easy.

[Angelina]

It's good to meet people online, but I'm not so sure about using dating sites. At least in my culture the women there are the worst of the worst, the kind that would marry for a green card and then leave him after a few years.

Online or offline, he needs to meet women and try to attract them with his personality and sex-appeal. Browsing through 200 profiles sounds boring and desperate.

[gato]

6 months ago I met a chinese lady online and after many chats on QQ I visited her in Changsha. We fell in love with each other (especially me) and we decided to meet again in September and spend more time together

It seems that they've only met once before (unclear for how many days) -- not twice -- and are planning the second meeting.

Post #31 -- And I met/chat with at least 200 Chinese women before I found her.

Aren't you limiting yourself by spending all your time on Chinese women on the internet, especially since you live in Canada?

[Lu]

But for those who don't, and have to specifically go out looking, the internet provides an efficient conduit. I think the problem is that meeting someone online leaves a lot to the imagination, and in most cases, the image conjured up is very different to how the person is in reality, not to mention that the person in question has almost certainly not presented themself objectively.

This is why it is important to set up a meeting as soon as you have reason to assume that the person is not crazy and that you are not already turned off. Looking online for a woman overseas is another kettle of fish. Of course it's possible to find your lifelong partner there, but it's a lot more likely that you'll be played. Well, as long as the OP doesn't spend all his money on gifts, trips to China and related services, he might be alright, he might even find a good wife.

[trix]

Well, thanks again for your feed-back. It came as a huge shock to me when she told me that her family is totally against her leaving China, so we won't be able to meet again...ever. She feels guilty about everything and she wants to refund me for the (non-refundable) plain ticket I bought in June. Some of you will say she never loved me, others will say she is a drama queen, etc. To me it's another proof that she never wanted me just to get a Canadian visa, but some will say she has someone else who is richer than me... I am devastated because everything was very well planned for this meeting and no sign showed something like this will happen.

[abcdefg]

I'm sorry to hear that this didn't work out and that it left you holding the bag. I'm sure it must be emotionally painful.

Some of you will say she never loved me, others will say she is a drama queen, etc.

I won't say any unkind things like that, but I will say this shows you need to develop ways to communicate better with future Chinese friends.

...no sign showed something like this will happen.

These "out of the blue" surprises are most often due to inadequate communication. Unfortunately, you two could not read each others' subtle clues well enough.

[skylee]

Look at it in a more positive light - you have only invested 6 months in this. And your loss (tangible at least) is minimum compared to what might have been if this went on longer.

[roddy]

I'm kind of curious as to why you're adamant she moves to Canada and you don't move to China.

[anonymoose]

I was thinking a similar thing earlier. The OP wrote:

We come from different cultures and speak different languages. However, like a friend of mine says: anyone can learn English

Why is it that most western guys looking for Asian women take it for granted that it is the woman's responsibility to bridge the language gap?

[skylee]

... Women are more talented in learning languages, perhaps?

[Lu]

Well, I can see why it makes more sense to move to Canada (the US/Europe/another developed western country) than to China. Job opportunities, ability to get a residence permit, family income will be higher even if only one partner can work. And then it also becomes sensible for the Chinese partner, generally the wife, to learn the language of that country. Perhaps it's also that women across the world seem to be more willing to emigrate for love than men are? Don't know why that is.

The weird thing is that if such a couple has children, this means the husband can't talk with his own children in their mother tongue. I'd think that by itself should be a reason to learn the wife's language.

[Ruben von Zwack]

Sorry to read this, Trix.

I'm not going to say any of those things, no-one knows for sure what happened except her.