Why is my Chinese Landlord's mom taking my plants?

[friendlytenant]

Hello,

I am an American tenant and my Chinese Landlord's mom (who lives on the first floor) has taken some of my plants. We live in NYC. I live on the second floor. My landlord's mom lives on the first floor. She does not speak any english so I can't talk to her since I am American and do not know Chinese. She is very old (probably about 90).

I bought some plants for the front yard and planted them arround a tree on the street with my landlord's permisson. It is a NYC city street- so i only planted a few in a small square of dirt surrounded by concrete. Anyway, after the plants were there for about 2 months and got nice and big five of them were dug up in the night. I came out and realized half of them were gone. There were holes in the ground and the other plants that were left there were moved. this was about a month ago. last night one more was taken. and a few weeks ago i looked out into the back yard and i saw my plants in pots! they were doing quite well, but they are mine and i do not go into the back yard (i would have to go though my landlord's mom's apartment to get there). i do not understand why they were taken without my permission.

Is this a cultural difference? or is this just her personality? i bought flowers and had them in pots i the front and she did not touch those. actually, i think she likes them. Is it because they were planted in the ground and she considers that whatever is planted in the ground to be hers?

i am a little upset about this. if you have any information for me, please tell me. i am sure it will make me feel better. i am really confused. thank you!

[Ruben von Zwack]

My guess would be she thought they were orphaned. But I'm just guessing. You know, reading this from afar sounds like a slightly bizarre but funny scene out of Amèlie.

Maybe try and not take something that a 90 year old lady does too seriously?

[friendlytenant]

Hi Ruben,

thank you very much for your interest and time. i'm not really looking for advice about what to do or how to feel. what i'm specifically looking for is a chinese expert to tell me if there are any cultural reasons for this scenario. this is why i posted on a chinese cultural forum. because i'm wondering if there are some chinese people out there (or chinese cultural experts) who can shed some light onto the situation. from an american perspective it is theft (even if it is very minor and quite funny) but maybe from a chinese perspective it would be viewed differently? i'm ingnorant and i know it. that's why i asked. i also don't like being ignorant, which is another reason to ask. i absolutely love culture and traveling and exploring differences and different ways of doing things and different ways of thinking.

i water the plants and flowers daily. so they are definately not orphaned.

there is a little bit more information that i didn't give you earlier. the landlord planted a tree in the square before i planted the plants around it. he doesn't live here and he did what looked to be a fairly hastey job. when i went to plant my plants around the tree the earth was really hard and packed like dried clay and i knew my plants roots would not be able to fair very well. so broke it all up and added fresh potting soil for drainage (my flower supplier recommended to do that). i did not realize that some of the hard earth was intentional. Apparently there was hard earth mounded around the tree trunk to keep it steady. when half of my plants were taken they other half were moved away from the trunk and the earth was again mounded up around the trunk to stabalize it from the wind. the tree is not doing well at all. but there are quite a few other things that could be the cause of this.

this moringing when another plant was taken, it was clearly because she liked it and wanted to add it to the others in her back yard. it wasn't anywhere near the tree trunk mound.

i have lived here for 3 years and have witnessed several other things that make me think this is due to her individual personality and that it has nothing to do with cultural differences but i just wanted to check.

[gato]

I can confirm that Chinese culture doesn't support what this 90-year-old woman is doing. She is really on uncharted ground here.

[friendlytenant]

lol. thank you, i like your pun Gato. Thank you very much for your information and the time you took to write it.

if anyone else wants to tell me if they agree or not i'd love to get more responses.

[roddy]

I think you need to talk to her. She'll be dismissive at first, believing you to be a mere dilettante. But be persistent and she will teach you the ways of ancient Chinese gardening. One day she will tell you she has taught you everything she can and must leave you. Distraught, you will turn around to point to a gardening tool for some reason, and when you turn back... she is gone. But in her place, a wizened old peach tree.

She's 90. She's doing well if she can dig 'em up, let's not worry about whose they actually are.

[Kobo-Daishi]

Maybe it's an old people thing.

You know, like how elderly people are always being arrested for shop lifting.

Kobo.

[abcdefg]

I live in a small, run-down building complex (in Kunming) and over half the tenants are elderly. I'm reasonably sure the behavior the OP describes would be perceived as odd here. I don't think it would be seen as culturally appropriate.

Wouldn't be surprised if the old lady is mildly demented. This typically gets worse at night.

Edited to add:

what i'm specifically looking for is a chinese expert to tell me if there are any cultural reasons for this scenario.

I'm not really a Chinese expert, even though I have lived here several years.

[li3wei1]

Sounds like the OP needs to speak to the landlord. Obviously accusing his mother of theft is going to be a little uncomfortable, but there are the holes in the ground, and there are the potted plants. And if you do it out of concern, rather than anger.

[Ruben von Zwack]

So this is "Chinese Forums" and it is meant as a cultural question. But "theft" is a harsh word for a really old lady moving plants from one place to another on her son's property. I suggest if this topic was posted on "Law Forums", there would be two kinds of answers:

1. theft does not necessarily apply here, because it's not like the plants were taken from the tenant's balcony or window.

2. Doing something to the grounds around a tree so that this tree suffers is damage to property. The landlord could ask for compensation (and if it was a decent tree, then that can be pricey). Plus, when a tenant damages property, it can be viewed as a valid reason to terminate that tenant's apartment leasing contract.

But as this is "Chinese Forums" and not "Law Forums":

Middle-aged overseas Chinese guys are very protective about their mothers. Maybe most middle-aged guys are. But with Chinese, it's officially part of the culture.

[tysond]

She's 90. She's doing well if she can dig 'em up, let's not worry about whose they actually are.

I didn't notice this at first but on second reading, it appears she digs them up at night.

Sorry, but I have to ask, can anybody else see this so called "old lady"?

[anonymoose]

Just hang some garlic around the tree and your flowers will stop going missing.

[eslang]

i bought flowers and had them in pots i the front and she did not touch those...

Is it because they were planted in the ground and she considers that ....

could be feng shui affliction sector this year... and it is inappropriate to dig the ground in that area.

[Lu]

Ask your landlord. You don't need to accuse the mother of theft, you can frame it as a misunderstanding: perhaps the mother didn't know the plants were yours, but you like to look at them, and could landlord please explain to mother that mother should leave them there. This is not something that Chinese people typically do, it would be weird behaviour in China too.