Which salutations would you like to resurrect?

[Koxinga]

I was taught to use 先生 and 小姐 for every adult who doesn't look elderly. I know 小姐 also means prostitute, but I've been told it's still perfectly fine to use in every situation.

Have I been mislead?

[Kenny同志]

Why would it be more confusing than using 同志 or 他/她? It's probably never going to happen (women wouldn't like it), but it's not necessarily impractical.

I agree. Anyway, we don't need to use 先生 for women. 小姐 and 女士 can do the job.

[Guest realmayo]

Right 淨土極樂, no culture was ruined in the production of this motion picture (it was just Revolutionised it, right?)

Anyway I'm surprised it's not self-evident to you that society influences language.

More generally, how do other countries and languages manage? The trendy idea about Power Distance might say that places where there is minimal formal hierarchy such as Australia use general terms suitable for everyone you meet, e.g. "mate", "buddy", while places where there is a greater Power Distance would require more specialised terms (or grammar) to capture that difference in status between people. Strikes me that China would have gone from one extreme to another and then backed out a bit, over the last 100 years.

[Kenny同志]

I know 小姐 also means prostitute, but I've been told it's still perfectly fine to use in every situation.

Have I been mislead?

Generally, it should be fine but some young women may not like it. To play safe, use 服務員 when in ordinary restaurants.

[淨土極樂]

And one more point before I go to bed.

China already has too much 'traditional' stuff it has to let go off if it wants to catch up with developed countries, especially in the family sphere. The control freak parents who would fall to the ground and weep if their child tries to make their own choice in life (like choosing a profession themselves). You either obey or you're 不孝 (hello there, Confucianism). The 30 somethings who just go with the flow and 怕吵架. All of this has to change for there to be any progress and innovation in this country.

Returning to ancient honorifics like 愚弟 would only worsen the situation and give 长辈 even more power over their kids.

[Kenny同志]

樓歪了。

No one has cast votes except myself.

[陳德聰]

帅哥 drives me absolutely nuts. It feels like "hey, buddy". I hate it when people call me "buddy". I'm not your buddy.

As for votes, I can't vote for anything you have in your list because I think they are all pretty bad and died out for a reason. All I can hope for is that 帅哥 and 美女 will pass before my time comes.

[Demonic_Duck]

Out of interest, if one declines to use either 帅哥/美女 or 服务员 when hailing a waiter/waitress, what options are actually available in modern Mandarin? I feel ill at ease with any of these terms; 美女/帅哥 would be fine if it wasn't for the fact that they can seem a little like false flattery, and 服务员 just seems rude to my western ears. I'd also be interested as to what one should call middle-aged 服务员s - isn't 老板/老板娘 a little presumptuous if you don't actually know who's the boss?

[OneEye]

I've heard 令堂 et al in Taiwan, along with a few of the others, but only in more formal situations. Some of the people in the Chinese department at my university use very formal salutations and closings, but then again, they also write things like "鄙人曩在日本之時..."

小姐 is just fine here, no sexual connotations. I think 服務生 would be seen as abrupt, if not rude, and 服務員 perhaps even more so because it's rarely used anyway. Some people address girls as 美眉 and guys as 帥哥, but I don't think I've ever heard anyone address a girl as 美女, which sounds very direct to me. More colloquially, especially when addressing older people, Taiwanese Hokkien terms tend to be used, like 阿嬤 (a má) and 阿爸 (a pē).

A friend of mine calls me 老兄. I like that one pretty well. Much better than "哈嘍."

[Demonic_Duck]

Hmm, 美女 is pretty common here, and I hear 服务员(儿) all the time. I don't think I've ever heard 服务生 used.

[OneEye]

Yes, I was contrasting the situation in Taiwan with that in China.

[abcdefg]

#28 --

...and 服务员 just seems rude to my western ears.

It sounded rude to me initially, but it no longer does. I could be mistaken, but I don't really think waiters and waitresses find it denigrating or condescending here.

I'd also be interested as to what one should call middle-aged 服务员s - isn't 老板/老板娘 a little presumptuous if you don't actually know who's the boss?

In the far south of China, especially Hong Kong and Macau, people throw 老板 around pretty indiscriminately, often addressing male customers as 老板。Must say I find it annoying.

I spent several months in Cairo in the mid-1960's and learned to summon waitstaff by clapping my hands loudly twice. Always seemed so haughty and imperious that I was surprised they weren't insulted. Clapping three times was considered an expression of impatience, and thus slightly rude.

[Kenny同志]

OneEye, thanks for your input on Taiwan.

[abcdefg]

As to salutations for middle aged and over, I often use 大姐 and 大哥 here. Sometimes 老先生。

Not sure about 老人家。I don't use it as a salutation, though perhaps one can. I use when referring respectfully to an old person. Anyone know about that? Is it ever an appropriate salutation?

If you notice people calling you 老大，however, you have an image problem that needs immediate attention.

[skylee]

A friend of mine calls me 老兄. I like that one pretty well.

In the past, after WWII, this term was used in Hong Kong to call men from the north who had fled China and did not speak Cantonese. Rather than a salutation it was used to label these people, as in 班老兄 etc. The term is pronounced lao1 song1 in pinyin.

From the internet - now頭／now佬︰原本為「撈鬆」，因普通話『老兄』的發音如粵語的「撈鬆」，「撈鬆」成為廣東人對外省（非廣東省）人的粗俗稱呼。後來演化至對外省男性稱為「now頭」或「now佬」，外省女性的則為「now 妹」或「now 婆」

[Demonic_Duck]

...and 服务员 just seems rude to my western ears.

It sounded rude to me initially, but it no longer does. I could be mistaken, but I don't really think waiters and waitresses find it denigrating or condescending here.

I had the opposite effect. At first I was OK with using it as just "that thing you say when you want to call the waiter/waitress over", but the more I came to associate the word with "waiter/waitress", the more reluctant I became to use it for hailing people.

[淨土極樂]

Why not avoid the problem altogether and just get their attention with 点菜/点餐? And 买单/结帐 when you've finished.

[陳德聰]

An acquaintance of mine would just say "(嗨) 你好" to get servers' attention in restaurants. He grew up in the South but I don't think I ever heard any other person use this method until my friends from back home who are children of overseas HKers came to visit me in Shanghai and used it too.

They seemed to think it was a polite way to get someone's attention, but acknowledged they'd never do it in Cantonese and they just made it up when they didn't know what they were supposed to say.

[Demonic_Duck]

Why not avoid the problem altogether and just get their attention with 点菜/点餐? And 买单/结帐 when you've finished.

Because if anything, that sounds even more rude (again, to my western ears).