Uncomfortable living situation with housemate

[Demonic_Duck]

The cigarette butts are definitely from her, I've seen her smoking in her room.

 

There wasn't anyone else around when I yelled at her, so I don't think she could perceive that as losing face.

 

Giving a gift sounds fine to me, as long as I don't run the risk of being misunderstood (as sparrow said, if accompanied by a note I don't see any issue).

 

I'm not a fan of bullshitting around, I prefer straightforward approaches. I guess I could try getting "tactical" as a last resort if nothing else works, but it's really not my style.

[Guest realmayo]

Suppose you could buy her a pack of cigarettes instead 

[Lu]

 

I'm not a fan of bullshitting around, I prefer straightforward approaches. I guess I could try getting "tactical" as a last resort if nothing else works, but it's really not my style.

I think it's not at all wrong to want to confront issues and try to resolve them, but that seems to rather clash with roommate's style. You can't control her or how she handles conflict, the only thing you can control is your own reaction. FWIW I think her approach is not a very good one, but I think in this particular case, it's wiser if you don't use your approach but hers. If she were your wife or sth it would be different, but this is not a long-term relationship nor one you're very invested in, so imo anything that resolves the immediate issue (that is, her avoiding you and you feeling uncomfortable) = success. And a straightforward approach is unlikely to do that.

[sparrow]

@Lu:

Now I know who to ask when I have girl problems...

[JustinJJ]

 

The cigarette butts are definitely from her, I've seen her smoking in her room.

 

If it were me I wouldn't have yelled at her, but I'd look to re-locate if cigarette butts were left on the floor in a place I lived in, because that's just too bogan（I wouldn't even accept her smoking in her room, because lets face it, that would probably end up stinking the whole house out).

 

I don't think it's worth being uncomfortable in your own house, may as well find some decent flat-mates with a higher standard of hygiene and who don't suffer from 公主病.

 

I don't know how severely you 'scared' her, but perhaps if you buy her a present it might start an 恶心循环, i.e. she misbehaves leading you to get angry with the result being her getting another present each time. Be careful that you don't get played lol.

[sparrow]

公主病

 

That's hilarious. I've never heard that.

[skylee]

I have never heard of 恶心循环 either. I guess it should be 惡性循環.

[JustinJJ]

Something like that ;-)

[sparrow]

恶心循环 sounds like that time of the month. lol

[Demonic_Duck]

OK, changed my mind, she's just a straight-up headcase. She got back at 3:30am last night, banging on the door as loudly as possible because she forgot her keys. Other housemate asks her why she didn't just ring her, she says "because I thought he'd wake up" (presumably referring to me). So, she woke both of us up (plus all the neighbours) instead of one. She then puts paid to any chance of sleep by preceeding to attempt to break down her own bedroom door, which she'd locked. I'm pretty sure she didn't even try any other methods (credit card, etc.) before attempting this.

 

I then got back (10pm) to discover another passive-aggressive sounding note, although I wasn't really sure what she'd written because my Chinese reading skills aren't great. I also noticed she'd left the air conditioning on hot in the other room, with the door wide open. I knocked on her door (fairly quietly) to ask her what the note was all about and whether I could turn the air con off (I preceeded to do so, as she didn't answer). She then proceeded to get up and have a go at me for waking her up.

 

公主病? More like 神经病.

[Ruben von Zwack]

Oh dear. Is she an art student? No offense intended, I once was an art student, too. My (Chinese) friend who would "play" offended to a guy for 2 weeks straight - and all the wile, reading every new letter of apology by him out aloud to me! - is a music student.

 

Anyway, is there a chance you can just move rooms without creating further drama? Maybe make some lame excuse to the management?

[gato]

How did you three become house mates? What kind of house is this? What does she do? And how old is she? How old are you? Some background might give us a better picture.

[Lu]

 

OK, changed my mind, she's just a straight-up headcase. (...)

Whatever the cause of this kind of behaviour, the only possible solution seems to be to ignore as much as possible & move out as soon as possible. Chances are that whatever you do and however you handle it, it will cause you stress and will not result in her being a better housemate.

 

Good luck.

[JustinJJ]

 

恶心循环 sounds like that time of the month. lol

 

Maybe let me know if you want me to make up any more words lol

 

 

 

She got back at 3:30am last night, banging on the door as loudly as possible because she forgot her keys. Other housemate asks her why she didn't just ring her, she says "because I thought he'd wake up" (presumably referring to me).

 

I think it's pretty clear she wanted to wake you up. Looks like you no options but to bail ASAP.

[abcdefg]

Sounds like less of a her being a "head case" issue per se to me. Sounds like, for whatever reasons, she hates your guts and wants you gone. Doubt you can change those feelings, however irrational they might be, and the resulting behaviors.

 

You need to start packing and looking for new lodging. Forget about reconciliation, winning, losing, and all other non-survival considerations. If you buy chocolate for anyone, buy it for yourself. 

 

Haul ass! You will be miserable until you do and may also snap and do something you will regret for a long time to come and that could follow you to new digs. Do not punch this obnoxious person in the mouth, much as you might want to.

[陳德聰]

@abcdefg, #35

 

That is a much more noble stance than I could ever handle, but I love the passive-agressive games. Couldn't you just document her terrible behaviour and put it up on weibo? Can you say viral video? 

[Demonic_Duck]

I'm gonna stick it out, a friend is staying with me and apparently overheard her talking about looking at another flat.

 

Yeah, obviously reconciliation is far from my mind right now, would just rather see her gone.

 

I don't see "she's a headcase" and "she hates my guts" as being mutually exclusive. I'm pretty sure both are true. Still can't work out what the real root cause of this is (if she was just messing with me, why would she be thinking about moving out herself?)

[imron]

It's because she's madly in love with you.

[Demonic_Duck]

Must be, there's no other explanation

[abcdefg]

I don't see "she's a headcase" and "she hates my guts" as being mutually exclusive. I'm pretty sure both are true.

 

Yes, agree.