“我很喜欢ta”

[Demonic_Duck]

As a man myself, am I right in thinking that if "ta" is “他” it means we're buddies, but if it's “她” it means I have romantic feelings for her? This seems faintly ridiculous to me. Why can't I say I like my female friends?

 

When I've asked about this before, people say I ought to say something like “我们之间的关系很好” or “我觉得她人很好”, which just sound really half-assed to me - come to that, so does “我喜欢她” as an expression of romantic feelings. How can I express "I like her" in a way that sounds genuine but doesn't imply anything beyond the platonic?

[Ruben von Zwack]

I'm a girl and heard guys say to me I am so "bang", it seemed a compliment but not romantic.

Not sure which word it actually is, 棒 bàng perhaps? Does it make sense?

[陳德聰]

I don't think you can say 我很喜欢他 without some pretty good context behind it without me thinking you have romantic feelings for your buddy. This seems to be a matter of expectations based on social norms. If you are a person who lives in a heteronormative world, then you will definitely assume that when a guy says he likes another guy, there is nothing romantic about it. But over here when you say you like a guy in English, you generally have to explain a bit more about exactly in what way you like him otherwise the plain sentence reads like a confession.

[Lu]

On the other hand, I've once been told that “我觉得你人很好” by a guy and that was a barely succesful attempt to not quite say he liked me in a romantic way (as in, he liked me but didn't want to say it). 喜欢 can have different weights in different places, in Taiwan 我喜欢你 is pretty much 'I love you', so you might want to be careful with that anyway. 他很棒 or 他人很好 are both good, or perhaps 他人很不错, or other variants.

[anonymoose]

There may be a difference between expectations in the different languages, but I think the overriding factor is context. I mean, if you come out and say "我喜欢她" without any context, it would probably lead one to think in romantic terms, but then the same could be said if one said "I like her" in English with no context. On the other hand, if one said "She's much better than the teacher we had last term. She's also very kind. I like her.", I doubt many people would imagine you are suggesting romantic feelings. Similarly if you said "她比上学期的老师好很多，她也很和蔼，我很喜欢她。".

[Demonic_Duck]

OK, here are some example contexts to draw out what I mean.

 

A: "That new guy/girl's really great."

B: "Yeah, I really like him/her."

 

甲：“那个新来的男生/女生很不错。”

乙：“没错，我很喜欢他/她。”

 

I feel that in this context, I'd have no problems with the English no matter what the gender, but if I said the Chinese I'd be interpreted as saying I had feelings for this person if and only if she was female (and sure, Chinese society is definitely heteronormative). Anyway, correct me if I'm wrong (and sorry if my Chinese grammar is horrible).

[gato]

French has the same issue. Aimer = to like = to love.

[Lu]

 

A: "That new guy/girl's really great."

B: "Yeah, I really like him/her."

 

甲：“那个新来的男生/女生很不错。”

乙：“没错，我很喜欢他/她。”

But in this context, and the right tone of voice, would there really be people who think you're in love with the new guy/girl? 'I really like him/her' can be interpreted in two ways in English as well, after all.

[skylee]

This thread has reminded me of the songs "教我如何不想ta" and "忘記ta是ta".

[abcdefg]

Back to Post #2 by Reuben von Z --

 

I'm a girl and heard guys say to me I am so "bang", it seemed a compliment but not romantic. Not sure which word it actually is, 棒 bàng perhaps? Does it make sense?

 

I think you've got the right character. The compliment would mean you are wonderful or great in this or that respect.

 

I sometimes get, "你的汉语真棒了！“ (but not from my Chinese teachers.)

[scottt]

棒 = "bang"  = Excellent
It is the most simple and most common spoken character of best appraisal.
It more often used in spoken lanuage. 
After knowing this apprasal has speical meaning related with male gentials, I stop using it.
 
 

[ouyahudie]

because... 中国人的教养不是白人的教养...汉沽不是英语，中文不适英文。

[Demonic_Duck]

I guess I've worked out what's bothering me most about this. In English, it's perfectly possible (though admittedly fairly rare) to say fairly nuanced sentences such as the following:

 

"I think she's a good person, but I don't like her." [because she's boring.]

"I think she's really interesting, but I don't like her." [because she's not very nice.]

"She's my friend, but I don't like her." [We were friends since childhood so I have a duty of friendship towards her, but now I think she's become too shallow.]

"I love her, but I don't like her." [self-explanatory.]

"I want to sleep with her, but I don't like her." [Also self-explanatory.]

 

The reason it's possible to say these sentences is that "I like" expresses a way I feel about someone/something else, rather than a judgement about what that person/thing is like. Is this impossible to express in Chinese if the person's of the opposite gender?

[skylee]

I think if you use as many words as in #13 to explain the feelings in Chinese, the word 喜歡 should not cause misunderstanding.

[abcdefg]

I ran into a 喜欢 issue yesterday. Told a girl with whom I am involved that I really do like my new teacher, who also is female. Had to backtrack when challenged about just what I really meant by that, and explain that 作为一名老师，我很喜欢他，可是没有浪漫的感觉。The girlfriend seemed satisfied, and let it drop.

[anonymoose]

This might be just my imagination, but is there a difference in nuance between saying 我喜欢她 and 我很喜欢她? Somehow the former would make me more likely to imagine romantic feelings.

[APWiseman]

I wouldn't say "I like her" to a teacher or something, and just save 我喜欢for people I have feelings for. I would say something 我觉得她很好玩， 对 something something 很有意思。Describing/talking up people seems to be a better way to say you like them, but not like them romantically.

[simplet]

French has the same issue. Aimer = to like = to love. 

 

 

Pretty late with this but I just wanted to point out that "aimer" is actually not that ambiguous in french, simply because when you're talking about people it only means "to love". If you want to say that you like someone, you have to say "je l'aime bien", which funnily enough literally translates to something like "I love him/her alright".

 

You can also say "je l'aime beaucoup", which actually means "I like him/her a lot". In french if you love someone "a lot", then you don't actually love him, you just like him... Kind of like what Anonymoose said about chinese.

[Demonic_Duck]

This might be just my imagination, but is there a difference in nuance between saying 我喜欢她 and 我很喜欢她? Somehow the former would make me more likely to imagine romantic feelings.

You can also say "je l'aime beaucoup", which actually means "I like him/her a lot". In french if you love someone "a lot", then you don't actually love him, you just like him... Kind of like what Anonymoose said about chinese.

Well, I intuitively agree with anonymoose, but I still feel like if I go around saying 我很喜欢 my female friends, most people will still imagine something romantic.

 

I wouldn't say "I like her" to a teacher or something, and just save 我喜欢for people I have feelings for. I would say something 我觉得她很好玩， 对 something something 很有意思。Describing/talking up people seems to be a better way to say you like them, but not like them romantically.

...and that's exactly what bothers me, because I want to be able to express "like" rather than "think she's fun/interesting etc."

[Kelby]

I've had this mixup happen recently when my girlfriend asked how I felt about my new famale tutee. 我喜欢她 was absolutely not the right thing to say there at all, lol.

I personally feel this mixup crosses language lines in a sort of schoolyard way. Nuance filled English be damned, I nearly got into a fight with my American ex once upon a time after saying "I like New Girl (the TV show)." I think if saying you like someone can be taken in a romantic sense it usually will be. It's that whole middle shool "I like her but I don't ' LIKE like' her," you know?