Could you please check my Chinese text? It's super important!

[limari]

Hi, I am going to write my Chinese exam tomorrow.

We already know that we will have to write a fictional letter to our parents, if we were Chinese. In this letter we have to explain what we want them to change, because we are not happy with how they treat us (have to learn too much, no hobbies, etc.).

 

Could you please correct the text I have written? I really need a good grade.

It does not have to be perfect. Just understandable and with preferably simple grammar and vocabs.

 

Btw I live in Germany so it's already 6 pm here

Please help me! Thanks

 

 

亲爱的爸爸妈妈，

我感觉不是很好。你练习了我这么多的压力。
我要玩没有更多的钢琴。我喜欢打曲棍球，但是我没有时间，因为我一直有练钢琴。
为什么你不让我做我想做的？我想见见我的朋友和看电视。
如果你强迫我学习和弹钢琴，我不擅长这个，因为我不想要它。
如果我可以打冰球，我可能很擅长。
我不想让你决定我的未来。我的梦想是成为一名职业冰球选手。
如果你相信我，然后让我决定我的爱好。如果我们互相了解，然后我们的关系就更好了。

您 Lisa

 

 

English translation:

 

Dear Mum and Dad,

I do not feel well. You make my life so stressful.
I dont want to play the piano anymore. I want to play hockey, but I have no time for it because I always have to practice the piano.
Why do you not let me do what I want? I would like to meet my friends and watch TV.
If you force me to study and play the piano, I'm not good at it because I do not want it.
If you allow me to play ice hockey, I might be very good at it.
I do not want you to decide on my future. My dream is to become a professional hockey player.
If you trust me, then let me decide about my hobbies. If we understand each other, then our relationship is even better.

your Lisa

[Nathan Mao]

This is your test.

It is a test of your abilities, not ours.

 

People are willing to help you understand issues with the Chinese language.  I am not aware of anyone who will help you cheat on a test or homework, submitting someone else's work as your own.

[roddy]

I'm sure we can help in a manner that will result in better Chinese by tomorrow morning, without actually cheating. 
 
First off, you're not getting 'then' right - what you've got is closer to 'after that'. Similarly your 有 for have to is wrong. 你练习了我这么多的压力 and 我要玩没有更多的钢琴 also need some work...

 

Was that cheating? I don't know. Last time a professor turned up to tell us though...

 

Must be tough for kids studying Chinese, not much chance of asking dad for help...

[limari]

Usually we do that with our teacher before we write the exam. So she tells us what we are supposed to do, and we try to write a text, and then she gives us the corrected version. Because for her it is important that we study the vocabs.

This time she didnt do that cause we didnt have enough time.

We cant really know the grammar ourselfs. She never teaches us because she says chinese is not about grammar at all, we just have to use the word that "feels right" (she is chinese). So yeah i actually have an A in this class but i have know idea about grammar so i cant really correct the text myself.. i really need the help, i dont want this class to get my gpa down...

[limari]

@roddy:

Thanks your post helped me a lot!

 

 

 

Can I write these sentences instead??

 

 

我有很多讲究。

(Instead of 你练习了我这么多的压力)

I've got a lot of stress.

 

我不再要弹钢琴。

(Instead of 我要玩没有更多的钢琴)

I dont want to play the piano anymore.

[skylee]

I guess you have already used Google translate. It is not always correct but sometimes it may help. Take a look at the photos regarding the stress and piano sentences.

 

Good luck with the exam.

[Kevin Ling]

English translation:

 

Dear Mum and Dad,

I do not feel well. You make my life so stressful.
I dont want to play the piano anymore. I want to play hockey, but I have no time for it because I always have to practice the piano.
Why do you not let me do what I want? I would like to meet my friends and watch TV.
If you force me to study and play the piano, I'm not good at it because I do not want it.
If you allow me to play ice hockey, I might be very good at it.
I do not want you to decide on my future. My dream is to become a professional hockey player.
If you trust me, then let me decide about my hobbies. If we understand each other, then our relationship is even better.
 

your Lisa

亲爱的爸爸妈妈，

我感觉不是很好。你给了我生活很多的压力。
我不想再练习钢琴。我喜欢打曲棍球，但是我没有时间，因为我一直在练钢琴。
为什么你不让我做我想做的？我想见见我的朋友和看电视。
如果你强迫我学习和弹钢琴，我不擅长这个，因为我不想要它。
如果我可以打冰球，我可能很擅长。
我不想让你决定我的未来。我的梦想是成为一名职业冰球选手。
如果你相信我，那么就让我决定我的爱好。如果我们互相了解对方，那么我们的关系就更好了。

您的 Lisa

[zhouhaochen]

 

Limari, at which school are you studying Mandarin? Maybe you want to send your teacher to this forum for a few ideas? Learning Chinese without any grammar rules and trying to "feel" what is right is not the most efficent approach there is.

[mouse]

In future you might want to use a website called http://lang-8.com/ where as long as you do some correcting yourself you should find many native speakers who are able to correct your texts. And yeah, start revising some simple grammar rules if you can.

[anonymoose]

Sounds like your teacher is not very good. I strongly recommend you get a book on Chinese grammar and work through it. It will do wonders for your Chinese. An excellent book in English is Basic Chinese: A Grammar and Workbook by Yip and Rimmington, but you may be able to find something similar in German.

[roddy]

How'd your test go? 

[melodyhuang1]

Hi, I am a Chinese,your article revised as below.

 

我感觉不是很好。你让我感觉很大压力。

我不想再去弹钢琴了，我喜欢打冰球，但是我没有时间，因为我一直都要练钢琴。
为什么你不让我做我想做的？我想见见我的朋友和看电视。
为什么你强迫我学习和弹钢琴？我根本不擅长于这个，因为我不喜欢它。
如果你允许我去打冰球的话，我可能会很擅长。
我不想让你决定我的未来。我的梦想是成为一名职业冰球选手。
如果你相信我，那么，请让我决定我的爱好。如果我们互相了解，那我们的关系就更好了。

您的Lisa

 

 

English translation:

 

Dear Mum and Dad,

I do not feel well. You make my life so stressful.
I dont want to play the piano anymore. I want to play hockey, but I have no time for it because I always have to practice the piano.
Why do you not let me do what I want? I would like to meet my friends and watch TV.
If you force me to study and play the piano, I'm not good at it because I do not want it.（this sentence is illogical) may be it should be changed to :"why do you force me to study and play the piano? I'm not good at it at all because i do not like it.)

If you allow me to play ice hockey, I might be very good at it.
I do not want you to decide on my future. My dream is to become a professional hockey player.
If you trust me, then let me decide about my hobbies. If we understand each other, then our relationship is even better.

your Lisa

[Shelley]

I find this :

 

"Usually we do that with our teacher before we write the exam. So she tells us what we are supposed to do, and we try to write a text, and then she gives us the corrected version."

 

very strange, is it all about passing exams and making the teacher look good by having top marks all the time? I don't think this is a very good way to learn.

 

"We cant really know the grammar ourselfs. She never teaches us because she says chinese is not about grammar at all, we just have to use the word that "feels right" "

 

I have to disagree strongly with this, you should be being taught grammar. If your teacher won't it maybe because she doesn't understand it herself, the same as I speak English as my first language and never "learnt" grammar I just absorbed it as I learned English and would find it hard to explain to a English leaner the complexities of grammar in English.

 

I would get a good book on grammar. it cannot be ignored, you need to learn it.

 

Hope the exam went well

[limari]

Thanks, it went pretty well. We were given a text we already translated in class, just slightly changed.

In the first task we had to summarize it; where we basically have to copy it but add words like hai you, or dan shi.

In the second Task we had to compare how chinese and german parents treat their children.

In the third task we had to do excactly what i postetd here so that was pretty good

Im definetely going to get a grammar book now, since one of the subjects on my final Abitur exam will be chinese (because i chose it a year ago instead of english... stupid)

Anyway, thanks for helping me out

[Demonic_Duck]

We already know that we will have to write a fictional letter to our parents, if we were Chinese. In this letter we have to explain what we want them to change, because we are not happy with how they treat us (have to learn too much, no hobbies, etc.).

Ehehehehehe...

 

I'm sure we can help in a manner that will result in better Chinese by tomorrow morning, without actually cheating.

Admirable that you tried this first before later posters just went ahead and corrected the entire thing. Then again, I guess that's not "cheating" if the teacher helps you in exactly the same way.

 

We cant really know the grammar ourselfs. She never teaches us because she says chinese is not about grammar at all, we just have to use the word that "feels right" (she is chinese).

Wow, sure sounds like a great teacher.

[Lu]

It's a borderline case, but in the end what happened is that the OP practiced & refined the skills that s/he expected to need at the exam. It wasn't a take-home exam, the people who helped didn't make the exam for him/her, and s/he still learned things, so it's not cheating.

And yeah that teacher sounds incompetent. OP, is there anyone you can complain to? The people in charge at your school should at the very least be aware of the situation, so that even if they can't replace her or make her do better, they know what may cause you and your classmates to do badly on a future exam.

Good luck.

[Demonic_Duck]

Sorry, didn't mean to sound like I was accusing the OP of memorising and copying other people's work, just that that's what she could have done based on the responses given. I mean, it's largely a function of that kind of testing (giving out an exam question before the exam).

 

Anyway, giving the teacher the benefit of the doubt, maybe she's just had inadequate training and/or experience, rather than being lazy. But I second the idea of giving feedback to the university, not to mention the teacher herself. At the very least tell her to google "Chinese has no grammar".

[Lu]

Sorry, didn't mean to sound like I was accusing the OP of memorising and copying other people's work, just that that's what she could have done based on the responses given. I mean, it's largely a function of that kind of testing (giving out an exam question before the exam).

If I were the OP, that's exactly what I would have done: first take a stab at it myself, ask for comments here, amend my text accordingly, learn the whole thing by heart, regurgitate at the exam. I don't think that's cheating, I think that's preparing as well as possible, using all the information and resources available to you. If the teacher wants to know what students come up with on their own, she shouldn't give them the question in advance.

Now if the OP had come by the knowledge of that question by breaking into the teacher's office, or if s/he had asked the question here on his/her smartphone while in the exam, that would certainly be cheating.