Social anxiety in China (tips? strategies? advice?)

[Demonic_Duck]

I never get that with the water, whenever I visit home I always take great relish in the fact that I can safely drink water straight out of the tap (even though it tastes like crap cuz I live in a hard-water area).

[hedwards]

@Demonic, you probably form and break habits more easily than other people do.

[Takeshi]

I totally understand this feeling. I haven't really had it in China actually, I think the social atmosphere in Guangzhou is perhaps more open, and I don't find it awkward to speak to random strangers.

 

I did experience this kind of social anxiety when I was in Japan tho. It was funny because often when I'd be hanging out with friends (Japanese people), I'd always ask them to do whatever talking/interaction with stranger I needed etc for me. But like you say, it's not a language problem (I spoke with my Japanese friends in Japanese, and most of them didn't know English), but it is somehow difficult to just talk to random strangers because people look at you etc.

 

(Tho actually it may partly be a language problem now that I think about it, because although I have no problem speaking informal Japanese among friends, I am nervous when I have to speak formal Japanese to strangers. Maybe that's why I don't experience it in China.)

[roddy]

I think one approach would be to set yourself small, achievable, goals. When you leave your house or hotel in the morning aim to have one, two, three, N... non-essential conversations with random people. If you're on the bus (and it's relatively quiet) ask the conductor how to get to the Purple Commando Pagoda, even if you don't want to go there. In a shop ask what time they open or close. In a taxi ask what effect this kind of weather has on business. Easily achievable and low-stakes interactions. And like abcdefg in the taxi, take control a bit - you'll ask the questions around here, thank you very much. Let them worry about what you think for a change.

 

Do that every day for a week. See if the end of the week is easier than the start. 

 

That said, "I always feel just a little bit out of place, like I don't belong." - if you don't look Chinese, I'm not sure that ever goes away. You can live there twenty years, own a house, raise kids and employ dozens of people, but when you walk into a new shop you're Mr New Laowai. Might not be such a big deal if you're in the middle of Chaoyang, and you can mitigate it a lot by looking like you feel at home and using authentic and confident Chinese, but there are always going to be people who are just plain old surprised at your very presence. Not a great deal to be done but get used to it and focus on the positives - you can learn a lot about the place just asking random people random questions, and they won't think you're strange for doing it as you're already strange. And the curiosity is, almost always, genuine and friendly.

 

As they say, China is a sink-or-swim approach to curing self-consciousness. 

 

Credit for posting this, btw. 

[imron]

and they won't think you're strange for doing it as you're already strange

This.  It's quite liberating once you realise this.

[ABA]

I had this same problem living in Korea and China! Even though i can speak both languages well i found the quickest and best way to get over this anxiety was to wear a T-Shirt saying something like chinese beginner please speak slowly 汉语初步 慢慢说一下

You WILL feel embarried for the first 30 minutes of walking down a street but you are forced to get over it

GOODLUCK