Chinese girls and "handsome" guys?

[EOS]

Sorry in advance for the somewhat misleading thread title.

I've been dating an amazing Chinese girl for a few months now, I have never been this happy in a relationship before.. She is amazing and I am very happy.

We have already run into a few cultural differences though.. We had quite a big disagreement early on regarding her weignt (she is gorgeous) skinny like a twig but thinks she needs to lose weight, Iga e her my opinion and she didn't appreciate it, said I don't understand because I'm not Chinese (she is barely over 50kg but tells me in China over 50kg is fat).. Anyway, that's not the point of this thread.

She has been pointing out and telling me about "handsome" guys a lot.... For example I was speaking to her on phone while she was at the shop and she was like "hold on handsome guy serving me" or tell me if she thinks other guys are "handsome" like her friends boyfriends for example, she also tells me I am handsome too.

It's not really something that western girls do, maybe athletes (which she also does) but I think for the most part if it's so constant it would be considered a bit rude.

I mentioned it today and she said (it's just Chinese culture, we say handsome guy, pretty/beautiful girl etc.

Has anyone else experienced this? Is it just an observational thing? I've been letting it slide, and I think I am pretty relaxed but this bothers me ever so slightly enough that I wanted to get some other opinions.

Thanks.

[gato]

In my experience, Chinese girls don't remark on the "handsomeness" of guys any more than girls in the West, so your girlfriend is probably above average in that regard.

[abcdefg]

I think it's unusual; I would wonder about it too.

 

What part of China is this? Could she just be using 帅哥 as a figure of speech, as a casual way of referring to a guy whether he really is handsome or not? (Like 美女 to get the attention of a waitress, as was discussed recently on another thread.)

[querido]

In the Cantonese speaking world I've also heard this used to call a waiter/waitress. If she said "handsome" in English maybe that's just a straight translation of something she doesn't take as seriously as we do.

 

She's young and appearance-conscious? As long as it isn't dangerously extreme I would be glad that it isn't something worse.

[scoff]

To echo abcdefg, I also wonder if maybe she's just used to referring to guys with 帅哥.

To OP, you said she's been "telling you about" handsome guys a lot. If you're getting full descriptions then that's definitely incongruous with my experience and seems a little unusual.

[Ruben von Zwack]

I haven't heard any Chinese girl mention the looks of strangers to me, but the others^ are right about the 帅哥 (shuài gē, handsome brother) expression.

 

Being very concerned about your weight is rather typical, I'm afraid. Just as a curious side note, even the BMI definitions for Asians are a bit lower than for Eurasians! (supposedly something to do with diabetes in Asians). I think there is a lot of pressure on Chinese girls to be really really slim.

 

One of my Chinese girl BFs is extremely appearance conscious. But the majority doesn't talk about looks a lot. I think this it is one of those things were individual differences are bigger than cultural differences.

[EOS]

Gato: They don't? I wonder why she told me it was just Chinese culture to do so? As an interesting comparison, I have a friend whose wife always feels the need to talk about the good looks of specific athletes/actors/musicians etc, while it obviously isn't the worst thing in the world but we always end up feeling a bit bad for him.. Now I find myself in a similar situation, but it doesn't just stop at athletes or celebrities.

One time she misheard what I had said about somebody and felt the need to correct me about the "handsome" looks of some random gjy we both don't even know....

abcdefg: She is from Chengdu, she doesn't use it when referring to people directly but will use it when talking to me about specific guys.. If I am honest the frequency of it makes me a little uncomfortable. I was hoping it might have been a cultural thing after all, but maybe not?

Querido: She speaks Mandarin and (chengdu dialect) she also understands Cantonese and speaks it a bit I believe. We are both in our mid 20's, she doesn't seem extremely appearence conscious as in she doesn't cake her face in makeup or spend al her money on expensive clothes.. The only things she does are face creams and tqlk about her weignt a bit..

[EOS]

Scoff: She doesn't describe them physically just uses the word handsome a lot when referring to specific guys. Another small example -

I called her to let her know when I'd be home, just as we were saying bye I get an "OMG OMG NOOOO OMG NO HE USED TO BE SO HANDSOME NOOOOOO I'LL HANG UP AND SEND YOU PIC" (something along those lines lol..) sure enough a few seconds later I get a picture of a random guy with abs showing etc and then an after pic of him chubby and balding. Turns out it was just some random celebrity bjt it was a bit awkward for me, mainly because I don't care if some celebrity loses his looks, and she was so loud about it I was worried for a sec that something bad had happened....

She also tells me she is excited for the upcoming world cup JUST because she likes looking at all the players.... By itself I don't thjnk this is super unusual but with everything else from athletes to friends boyfriends to random sales people I'm not sure what to think about it,

[abcdefg]

Do the two of you speak English together or Chinese? In what language are these conversations taking place?

[EOS]

We only speak English together, she has only recently started teaching me Mandarin.

[EOS]

Ruben: Handsome brother expression?

[abcdefg]

That might explain part of what seems strange. She's mentally translating something that would be common to say in parts of China into something that's uncommon to say in English.

 

She's probably translating 帅哥. like several of us mentioned above. That literally means "handsome older brother" but it is used colloquially in many parts of China just to mean a guy, not even always a good looking guy.

 

Not sure whether or not that's the whole story, but that might be at least part of it.

[EOS]

Thanks abcdefg, can you tell me more about 帅哥 or show me the thread where it is explained? Thanks.

[renzhe]

I agree with everyone. Sounds like a one-to-one translation of 帅哥.

[Ruben von Zwack]

It means "handsome brother" but is just an expression like "guy", I think. It's not slang, derogatory, sexual or anything in that direction - just an innnocent expression. I first came across it when I heard Jay Chou in a TV interview call Wang Leehom a Shuài Gē (both are straight guys, to my knowing at least).

[gato]

It's definitely physical, but maybe not that sexual, depending on the context. We had a discussion about it in another thread recently. If you ar ready to move your relationship to the next level, you should probably talk to her about it directly.

[Lu]

To my knowledge Wang Lihong is not that straight. But that's not really relevant :-)

Chinese do tend to talk about looks more than Westerners, in my experience, but the OP's girlfriend seems especially interested in it. As long as she's happy with your looks, it's not a problem per se I think, just something she happens to be interested in. But I imagine it can get rather annoying if she keeps talking about this while you're not at all interested.

As to weight, on the one hand I completely agree that she shouldn't worry about her weight unless she's fat. On the other hand, since you've only been together for a few months, I wouldn't make too big a deal of telling her she's not fat. Disagree when she says she's fat and change the subject, and tell her you love her looks when you feel like telling her so.

[Vivi MENG]

I normally wouldn't pay attention to the appearance of a guy, but lots of my friends do. Notably, they only discuss the HANDSOME STRANGERS or guys can not be meet at most of the time, such as waiters, random guys on street, movie stars. If a Chinese girl straightforwardly describe a guy as "handsome", it usually indicates that nothing will happen between them. If she has a thing for that guy, I think she wouldn't say that ( except they are in relationship).

[fabiothebest]

It could theoretically be but your description is clear and I think it's not just a "wrong" translation of 帅哥, my gf does it too When she talks about "handsome guys" they are "objectively" handsome, not just random guys..she especially talks about celebrities but it may happen with ordinary guys as well I guess..this thing also bothers me..I quarreled with my gf a few times for this..ok, I may see some pretty girls too (I'm not blind) but especially if I'm taken, not only I don't betray my gf but I also don't stare at girls and I don't tell her how pretty they are..maybe it's just me, but it's a matter of respect for me..I would feel uncomfortable if she stared at guys or said they are handsome, so I don't stare at girls nor I talk about them either..then I kind of got used to this because it happened multiple times..but it may still happen that I could take it to my heart if she talks too much about other guys..I believe she's faithful, I don't worry for that, though it may bother a bit. When I told my gf about this, she didn't feel sorry nor apologized..she didn't say that she won't do it anymore..she said there's nothing wrong, she won't change and it will happen again..I usually try to be calm, I don't wanna appear excessively "jealous" (but I wouldn't call it jealousy either), though where I live in Italy, people would understand the situation and try not to make me worry or feel uncomfortable..maybe things are different at the other side of the world and I just have to accept it till it's bearable. I understand how you feel.  You aren't the only one. If you are afraid that the girl could betray you, then try to make things clear and understand what's going on, otherwise if it's just a "silly" thing, try not to get too angry with her, otherwise you could lose her if she feels that you don't trust her (according to her).

[Lu]

Imo that's not really about trust. (As you say, seeing and appreciating a 帅哥 or 美女 doesn't necessarily mean you have any designs on that 帅哥/美女.) If your partner explains to you that talking about subject X makes them uncomfortable, then unless subject X is very important to you, you do your best to talk about it less with your partner (and instead just talk about it with your friends). Regardless if subject X is handsome guys or knitting patterns or the tv show you watch every evening. And if subject X is really important to you, you should probably look for a partner who at the very least doesn't mind listen to you discussing it, and preferably even enjoys discussing it with you.