Accepting compliments (without rejecting them)

[Bird in a Forest]

Hello everyone,

I find it much more sincere to accept compliments and show how grateful I am rather than to belittle myself.
Therefore I would like to know some phrases in Chinese to accept compliments and show my gratitude rather than overhumbling myself. I do not want to know phrases like 哪裏哪裏.

How do you accept compliments in Chinese without coming off as really arrogant (taking into consideration that the Chinese culture in general highly values modesty and humility)? Although in the West it is certainly possible to accept compliments and be modest at the same time.

Thank you

[Lu]

I sometimes use 学了好久了 (usually in answer to 你的中文怎么这么好！). I suppose you could also just say 谢谢.

[sima]

The other few I've come accross have similar overtones though perhaps not as self defeating

 

那儿有啊！ I think it's essentially the same as 哪里哪里 but less often used, perhaps more informal

 

不敢当 Polite usage. According to dictionary can mean both I'm flattered/Much obliged or I dont deserve this etc

 

您过奖 You flatter me

 

笨鸟先飞 This is a chengyu which means something like clumsy birds need to learn to fly early (or something like that), but apparently is an impressive way to reply to a compliment in the right context

[Bird in a Forest]

Hello Sima,

All of the phrases you provided are you used to humble yourself rather than accept. For example 不敢当 is I don't deserve this and is therefore rejecting the compliment. (I want to show the other person that I am grateful for their compliment, not that I doubt my own ability).

您过奖 Could also be translated as "you over-praise me", again rejecting the compliment.

笨鸟先飞 suggests that you are not talented, which is not true if the other person is giving you a compliment (in English it could suggests that their compliments are insincere and ingenue).

I want to accept that what they have to say about me is true without seeming arrogant.

E.g. In English we might say:

I'm very happy to hear that!
I'm glad you liked it (for a performance or something like that)
It's very kind of you to say that.

All of these phrases accept the compliment and show gratitude for the praise (It is still very polite and modest though).
I want to know how to say phrases like these in Chinese.

[MPhillips]

谢谢捧场 might fit the bill--to me it's only a tiny bit self-deprecating. However it's only appropriate to certain types of flattering comments--for instance in the case of your example, after a performance, or if you tell a joke at a party or if you open a restaurant & your friends come & praise the food etc.

[Shelley]

I am not sure that the "standard" Chinese replies are rejecting the compliment. It seems to me that simply replying with one of these so called self-deprecating statements IS accepting the compliment as far as Chinese people are concerned.

 

It will probably seem a bit strange to them for you to respond in the way you suggest and I think they would appreciate you responding the way they expect.

 

IMHO, I don't think the actual meaning of the words is taken in to account when replying, it is almost like a comfortable noise made in response and out of respect to the person making the compliment.

 

I do understand how you feel, even in English I don't like the sort of " oh you don't mean me"  and other similar responses. I was always taught to just smile and say thank you, and not make any more of it.

 

I think it also depends on how you say it, if you say it like a frightened little mouse it will obviously be different to a confident (but not arrogant) response.

 

Interesting question

[Guest realmayo]

 replying with one of these so called self-deprecating statements IS accepting the compliment as far as Chinese people are concerned.

 

I think this is correct. 

 

I want to accept that what they have to say about me is true without seeming arrogant.

 

If you don't do the modesty thing, people might think you're arrogant, otherwise they'll think you don't know Chinese and Chinese culture very well.

 

So, although it goes against the grain, and I can completely understand why you're not too comfortable with the whole game of I'm-pretending-to-be-too-modest thing, I'd suggest sticking with the common responses: it's an established pattern which does indicate (I think) that you accept their compliment, even though the words suggest that you don't. 

 

Of course if you do the whole modesty-response properly then you'll likely get loaded with more compliments, i.e. 'wow you even know how to reply like a real Chinese' etc etc

[roddy]

I think it'd be fine to do a little 'I'm so happy you said that, I have made a little progress lately. Still a long way to go thing." Acknowledge you are getting better, but play it down a bit. 

[tooironic]

谢谢夸奖 ("thanks for the compliment") should fit the requirement you're looking for.

While it's true that saying a self-deprecating remark is a standard response in Chinese culture, I disagree with some of the posts above that it equates to accepting the compliment. If this were true I would never have had so many of my Chinese friends responding with 真的, 你很谦虚, etc. This seems to suggest to me that self-deprecating language is not just 废话 - it is often taken literally.

[renzhe]

I don't think that this is a language issue, but a cultural issue.

I don't know if there are many ways to accept a compliment modestly without coming across as rather arrogant in Chinese, and the main reason for this is that the Chinese people tend to seriously overdo their praise as a matter of culture. They will flatter you, and you will tell them that they are exaggerating -- this is how it is supposed to work. It's a cultural convention, and everybody knows this.

If somebody tells you that they enjoyed your performance (e.g. a concert or play or some such), then a simple 谢谢 is enough. You could call this the "continental Europe compliment", accurate and to the point. But the problem in China is that you won't get that kind of compliment, but the kind that puts you up there with Paganini and Einstein. There is no right phrase to accept that you are Paganini without sounding arrogant. You don't have to flat-out refuse the compliment (with 哪裏), but if you accept it, you have to be humble about it (like 过奖), that's how it works. They ARE overpraising you, you should recognise this.

[Bird in a Forest]

That's very true renzhe. I was going on the assumption that I would get European-style compliments, but that is definitely not the case (at least with strangers). I always get told (Oh, you're Chinese is excellent!) when I've only said 你好. In this case you're probably right in that downright accepting them would be arrogant. I guess it always depends on who you're with as well. An elderly man, then maybe you should use 哪裏哪裏. Acquaintances, maybe 謝謝, although probably safer to use a playful 哪裏哪裏 or something. With close friends: 當然

Even if 哪裏哪裏 is used more for accepting complements, as a Westerner it still feels really awkward to use it like that (You wouldn't say "No, my piano playing was really bad." if someone complimented you for performance at a concert unless you actually thought it was really bad). As for tooironic, 哪裏哪裏 is humble, so what you're friends are saying is true, you are being very humble. You don't need to be humble around friends (or at least not as much as normal). I think it really boils down to who it is who is giving the compliment. I feel that a lot of beginners are taught 哪裏哪裏 in class and then automatically use it as a response to every compliment even when it may not be appropriate in the given context. Or am I wrong?

I also heard that youngsters nowadays are becoming more and more direct and just saying 謝謝.

[Shelley]

I have spent most of my adult life working with musicians (mostly rock) and they are rubbish at accepting compliments.

 

If you say "hey guys that was a good set tonite" you will more than likely get responses along the lines of "well it was ok" or "it was ok till I missed my intro"

 

or "well it was ok till I fluffed my solo" etc etc. The "ok" was said grudgingly.

 

I am having trouble recalling a single gig at which we said "good gig", or  "that was excellent, things were really cooking on stage" without modest replies coming back at you.

 

Not once can I remember anyone saying "yeah it was brilliant wasn't it, best gig of my life"

 

it must be something built in to artistic brains, they always think the last gig, painting, story etc is not the best and that the best is still yet to come. I wonder if this is restricted to the arty people or does it appear else where in the rest of the world?

 

So while I agree the style of compliment in Chinese is over the top and a modest reply is best, I am not sure it is entirely a Chinese thing, or maybe it is!?

 

I can't decide because while its similar it is not the same.

[Guest realmayo]

I think in the UK it's seen as normal to downplay compliments. Get the impression in the US that would be seen as weakness.

[Bird in a Forest]

I agree that muzos tend to be a little on the "did you hear my mistake?" side of things. But I'm a musician and I have had gigs before where we all went, well so and so could use some work but overall that was great. Although I will admit this was far and few and I think it was due to an enthusiastic band leader.

I think not just Chinese but most Eastern take modesty and humility one or two steps higher than Western culture due to Confucian values. But in the West we will still give such compliments but it generally makes you look very insecure or confident. I don't think the same applies in Chinese unless of course you speak like a mouse XD
So similar, but fundamentally different and to different degrees.

The one thing that scares me a little though is the situation of two Asian mothers denying compliments aimed at their children by saying that they're not actually that smart or not that talented (especially when the kids are still around, talk about positive-encouragement). Though the opposite scares me even more where Western mothers will brag about their children's achievements (that was my mother, it was always very embarrassing). Though my mum still said I was stupid on occasion

[Shelley]

Ah on the subject of mothers playing down their children's talents, good looks and even that fact that it is boy stems from the fact that they are trying to hide these attributes from the demons who may want the children if they are good looking or boys.

 

This is why I have been told that in the past young boys under the age of 10 or so I think, had their hair in bunches resembling a girl. I understand that they called them didi (now i might be wrong on this) which is where didi 第第 for younger brother comes from. The character is actually supposed to look like a little boy with pigtails.

 

Now this is just a story i was told so not sure how true it all is but its fun,

[hedwards]

Shelley that used to be normal in the US as well. FDR had long hair and wore a unisex frock until he was probably four or five as that was the custom of the era.

 

I'm not really sure why the change, but I suspect that it has to do with affluence. More people can afford to throw out all their stuff from their previous child when a new child of a different sex is born. So, less need to have unisex things for reuse and a lot of people can afford to pay for the additional haircuts associated with maintaining shorter hair. Not to mention that more people can afford to pay for clothes that are considered more appropriate for boys.

 

One thing I observed about the Chinese just about everywhere was that there was a decided bias in favor of the practical in most cases. The decision that made things easier now seemed to be the preferred solution in cases where there wasn't a pre-existing solution to use.

[Shelley]

hedwards yes I remember seeing that. Also boys wore pink as it was considered to be a paler shade of red which a strong manly colour while pale blue is for girls as it is more delicate.

 

Amazing how things change.

 

In our family we were all decked out in yellow so, as you say, handme downs could be unisex.

[tooironic]

An interesting discussion.

 

One thing I'd like to add: I don't think I've ever actually heard a native speaker of Chinese say 哪里哪里. I'm sure it must get used from time to time, but I think of the expression much the same way as I think of "so-so" in English - it's a word, it exists, but it's more common in a beginner's textbook than in real life.

[hedwards]

I suspect it's partially because you'll want to know those characters and words early on for other things.

[Olle Linge]

I've been in the same situation as you and I agree with what most other people have said in this thread already: this is a culture issue, not a language one. The Chinese don't actually reject the compliments even if they imply that with the words they are using. You can't just translate sentences and expect them to mean the same thing in English. It's just not said the same way in the two languages. However, I've known that for at least seven years and I still feel uncomfortable with replies that are too humble. Sometimes I say 謝謝 just because I'm actually not a Chinese person, I'm a Westerner who happen to speak Chinese. I don't have to conform with every single custom in the Chinese speaking world. Of course, when I do that, I'm aware that people who don't know me well might think I'm arrogant, but I think this is quite unlikely considering that there's no chance anyone will confuse me for actually being Chinese.

I think there are ways to reply that feel okay at least for me, such as stressing the time you've spent or the effort you've put in. You can also say things like "I still have a lot to learn" etc., which is of course true for all of us.