Chinese KTV observations

[Manuel]

I am not a big fan of KTV but I occasionally get dragged in by friends. After several years of KTV a recurring pattern begins to emerge:

 

The typical KTV sound system takes a perfectly good audio signal and smothers it in thick layers of echo and reverb. All I can hear is howling and wailing, and I can't even understand my own singing. It maybe sounds great if your very drunk.

 

I cannot bring my own mp3s on a USB stick, so if you want to sing non-Chinese it's always the same "classic" crap (Beatles, Eric Clapton, etc). No Spanish songs either because Enrique Iglesias switched to English.

 

All Chinese songs have a proper music video to go with them, but foreign songs are accompanied by suitable "default" footage of a) a random fit woman walking her dog, or b) a random dude with a fantastic set of teeth taking a stroll in the sun, which gives the impression that foreigners cannot make music videos.

 

This is not really the KTV's fault, but the Chinese like to crank up the volume to insane levels, so I have to protect my hearing with foam ear plugs.

 

In summer, the air-con is set to sub-artic temperatures.

[abcdefg]

I've had the same (unpleasant) experience. I now go to great lengths to avoid KTV sessions and will resort to desperate measures. "My dog is sick, must go home now" or "Just remembered I have to feed the goldfish."

[imron]

It maybe sounds great if your very drunk.

I think that's the general idea

[Lu]

Aw come on, the random footage is awesome! It's the cheesiest thing ever.

Not sure what's the issue with the echo, that's not my experience. Can't you turn it off somewhere? In Taiwan, some KTV's even have a button to change the register (key? what do you call it, how high/low the song is), so you can bring it within your reach.

Complaining that there are no Spanish songs in Chinese KTV is not really fair imo. Might as well complain the Spanish radio doesn't play Zhou Jielun.

And your problem might be partly with Wuxi (or Kunming) KTV's. The places I went to in Beijing often did have the original music video for foreign songs (mostly for the newer music iirc), they had plenty of new English songs (Lady Gaga, Bruno Mars, I don't follow music much but there is new stuff), even some Russian and Indonesian. I don't remember if they had Spanish but I wouldn't be surprised. Wuxi (or Kunming) KTV's perhaps don't really cater to foreigners, which is not very surprising.

Not everyone likes KTV, but that's not the KTV's fault. Not everyone likes Peking opera or bars & clubs or sitting on the couch reading a book either.

[Ruben von Zwack]

A Taiwanese friend told me that in Taiwan, there are 卡拉OK machines on the mountaintops   For the elderly!

Is this an urban - or, shall I say rural - legend, or is it true? I mean, I don't assme she made it up, it just sounds so incredible to me.

I thought it was very cute, but she said, not so much when you go mountain hiking to enjoy the peace and tranquility.

[gato]

Looks like it exists.

http://news.sina.com.cn/o/2012-08-20/153525000956.shtml 台湾流行山中卡拉OK 银发族阿公阿嬷搭伙开唱

攀山揽翠是不少人的健身之道，但山林间常见老人会或民宅设卡拉OK。登山者本想趁登山聆听片刻虫鸣鸟叫，常爬山运动的邱小姐就抱怨：“听了有点像魔音穿脑。”

　　“河边春风寒，怎么阮孤单，抬头一下看，幸福人作伴。”住台北市文山区的刘老太太，常和“歌友”们约好，一人带一道菜到山上卡拉OK室，边唱边吃，不会在家无聊。

　　法律扶助基金会秘书室主任谢金莲，放假常和退休的先生一起登山。她说，爬完山在山上简易卡拉OK室唱歌，里面还有冷气，两人唱一整个下午只要两百元(新台币，下同)，很划算，“只要听到声音去找，山上到处都是。”

[MPhillips]

Dear Ruben-I miss the photo of Mishima!

[Ruben von Zwack]

Haha, thanks, MPhillips! But this is my cat   if you want, you can use my Mishima pic, and we'll confuse everyone.

[MPhillips]

Although he's an alley cat, my cat's part Siamese too!

[studychinese]

Any modern KTV should allow you to change the echo, pitch, volume of music and voice, and so on.

The foreign songs are an issue, and in addition to the mismatched music videos that you mentioned often the backing track is poorly made too. Lyrics are frequently wrong to boot.

Another issue is the use of traditional characters for Chinese songs. I can read them but it takes me longer than reading simplified characters. Often I can't keep pace with the song.

Perhaps you are going to the wrong kind of KTV. It sounds like you don't have a lot of control of the experience, or perhaps your friends are disregarding your feelings if you have to use earplugs and they still do not lower the volume.

Why not try a 陪酒小姐 KTV? The girl that accompanies you will make sure that you are comfortable with the volume, choice of songs, aircon temperature, and so on. Sometimes I go there to drink, sing songs and practice Chinese. It isn't very expensive either.

[abcdefg]

Why not try a 陪酒小姐 KTV?

 

Now you're talking! These KTV's have always been much more fun.

 

(Fond memories of 东莞常平 before the big 严打。) 

[ouyangjun]

 

 

Why not try a 陪酒小姐 KTV?

 

haha, I was wondering when someone was going to take this thread into this direction...  Lot's of fun... err, so I hear...

[OneEye]

In Taiwan, the key is to look for KTV places with Japanese machines. They have a ton of Japanese music, of course, but they also have lots of reasonably up-to-date Chinese and English songs too (though I don't know about Spanish). They might not have this year's music, but they're at least up-to-date through the last few years or so in both languages, so both sides should be happy.

 

For the record, they don't generally get music videos for American music because it's too expensive to license them, so you can blame that on the American entertainment industry, not Chinese KTV.

[Manuel]

Well, what caused me to start this thread was a recent KTV outing, and I think there's a good chance it was a 陪酒小姐KTV because soon after everyone made themselves comfy in their sofas the lights dimmed, the door swung open and a seemingly endless line of very good looking girls walked in, followed by a happy-looking little man with a beer belly compacted by a tight white shirt, navel-high tight black trousers and polished black shoes. After shutting the door behind him, he proceeded to introduce the product, and mentioned that the ones dressed in white were 300 each, and the ones dressed in white 400 each. Personally I thought the price difference was totally unjustified, based on looks, but he then pointed out that the white outfit meant "more open". Without further ado the guys proceeded to choose (not necessarily) one girl.

 

Now comes the funny bit, and I'll begin by saying that I've never felt so awkward in my entire life. Not only was this my first time in one such place, but also I was there with my girlfriend, which naturally begs the question how the ****? She and I had just had dinner with a former classmate of hers who invited along two other friends we didn't know, one of whom made a couple of phone calls half-way through dinner. The next thing I know we were off to the KTV. My gf said it was ok because she had previously managed a KTV herself so it could be viewed as a market research mission.

 

We arrived at the KTV, tucked away on a fourth floor. The elevator was lined from top to bottom with the kind of posters your mum would not allow in your bedroom. When we first walked into the KTV room it was basically just dudes, all of whom were mates with the guy who'd made the phone calls earlier. As soon as they noticed my girlfriend I immediately sensed discomfort--we got a lot of looks, not because I was the only foreigner there, and a couple of guys were whispering into each other's ears as they looked at us. Since they were not there just for the singing, my girlfriend sang a couple of songs, I sang Tear's In Heaven (that's not a joke) and we got the hell out as I didn't want to cramp anyone's style.

 

The good thing though is that if you have a drinking problem and yet you are on a tight budget, the KTV girls will drink at least 60% of your beer on your behalf (more if you are not careful), which in the long term your liver could be very thankful for. Not my case though, as I can't even remember the last time I had a beer (before the KTV, that is).

[abcdefg]

That's a good description!

[Ruben von Zwack]

I can imagine that was uncomfortable. Reminds me of when some mates and me (<-female) thought we were going to a massage salon in Thailand, and in fact it was a brothel. I kind of knew instantly, even before we entered, from the irritated looks the girls waiting outside gave me, but guys can be a bit slow sometimes, so they ignored my doubt and dragged me in. Actually I got an amazing massage. But they had to make frantic phone calls to get a big fat Mama come in who knew her stuff about massages. My mates were massaged by the young pretty girls who worked there regularly, and were like, "this wasn't special at all, why is Thai massage so famous?"  Sigh   

[studychinese]

Manuel, that's hilarious.

I did that to a friend of mine. He was like "how come there are so many pretty girls here? And so friendly too".

As far as I know the 陪酒小姐 KTV in China has two varieties. One is the take home type, and the other not take home. Or, like the one you went to, they dress in different colors to differentiate between the take home girls and the others.

I always go to the conservative ones because I don't want any awkward moments before leave. Generally I find those KTV to be good value, especially compared to the high end nightclubs in Beijing. I could easily spend just as much or more in a high end nightclub, while trying to look cool or playing stupid dice games (hate dice games so much). It's good Chinese language practice too - no girls trying to language rape you.

[Manuel]

Don't get me started on nightclubs... at least in Wuxi, the music is so loud that it makes KTV sound levels tolerable. To put it into perspective, basically you can hear the music through your anus.

[Simon_CH]

Thanks Manuel for reminding me why I don't go to KTVs. What's also funny is how people like or dislike KTV depending on who's asking. They later tell me that xyz is a terrible singer and they would never go to KTV with him/her again, even though they are best friends.