My girlfriend's mother won't give her the Hukou!

[daofeishi]

 

 

This is a real person asking for real advice about a problem that might impact on people for decades.

 

Right, I didn't intend for what I wrote to be read and discarded like it wasn't "real" advice. Whatever the daughter decides to do, and she is after all an adult (although a young one), you can't judge her actions without some ethical basis. I'm just throwing an ethical argument into the ring, which is completely irrespective of what her parents might feel about the situation.

 

I have never had any problems having principled, ethical discussions with people in China, even people with a very different background from myself.  I would never go about talking about these people as having a culture "weaker" than mine. How could you even make that judgment? I've met very few people who are not able to reason about their own actions in terms of ethical standards,  irrespective of their culture, and if you think a Chinese farmer or merchant or goat herder or - anyone really - is unable to justify themselves beyond their own feelings, you are completely infantilizing them. Please stop doing that. Fact of the matter is, the daughter will have to make up her mind about what to do, and she will have to justify it based on her views of right and wrong. It is up to her to make up her mind about what is ultimately right, but you can't just trivialize an ethical argument that breaks with convention by saying that ethics are "just a convention". Of course they are, but that doesn't make it any less true that there is a moral argument to be made. 

 

In other words, I don't think it would be wrong of the daughter to disregard her parents' views about the matter and move away. We don't get to tell anyone to adhere to any convention just because we want to pigeonhole them into a certain cultural stereotype, and it's up to the daughter to make that decision. Sure, it's an argument rooted in my culture and moral standards, but it's an argument. 

 

If it is wise for them to move away, that's a different question. I agree with the majority here that I don't think it's advisable (just yet, anyhow).

 

I'm, however, also a believer in the principle of letting people make their own mistakes. 

[roddy]

Happened across this oldish topic - Narokela, how goes it?