Courtship Question

[JWright84]

I have been interested in a woman for a long time; however, have never had a reason to ask her out.  Furthermore, I felt it would be inappropriate for me to ask her out since she is one of my best client's daughters.

My client invited me out for dinner a couple nights ago, which a few of their family members and co-workers were in attendance.  Most of the dinner was the standard personal discussions... family, activities and upcoming events.  Toward the end of the dinner, my client looked me square in my eyes from across the table and asked: "would you like to take my daughter to dinner?"

I was completely dumb founded by this.  The straightforwardness caught me completely off guard.  I acknowledged that if she is interested in going to dinner it would be my honor.  I'm quite a humble and moddest person so this experience made me very nervous, which I fully understand the implied notion of dating in Chinese culture and have no problem with marriage - in fact I've been looking for someone for a couple years now.

During that moment I felt a tremendous presure on me that I was very uncomfortable in handling.  People around the table suddenly started giving out suggestions on what to do.  One of the people at the table wanted me to ask the woman out at the table in front of everyone; however, that made me a bit uncomfortable because I didn't want to make her nervous or scare her away by asking her out in the open like that.  I have always handed propositions like asking someone to dinner in private so if things do not work out as planned then we can move on and pretend it never occurred.  I am now regretting my decision to not ask her to dinner thinking I made a faux paus during the exchange.

Did I make an error in not asking the daughter out?  If so, is there any possibility of recovery at this point?

[Mindmaxd]

Just ask her our when she have time or maybe somebody will do that for you,so just do it and don't think too much.

[anonymoose]

You may have given her the impression you are not interested. I suggest phone her up as quickly as you can, and explain that you didn't want to put her on the spot in front of everybody. Don't waste time or she will think you are not interested.

[dementior]

Go get her son!

[ChTTay]

I would just contact her soon and say you felt a bit uncomfortable at the dinner table ... But you'd be happy if you could go out sometime yada yada yada

No worries man. Good luck.

[Meng Lelan]

Hurry! Call her now.

[Lu]

Agreed with the others. Call her today and ask her to dinner. Explain that you didn't want to put her on the spot during the dinner.

Mind, not only did you not put her on the spot, you also avoided putting yourself on the spot. She might be delighted, but she might also be less enthousiastic. If her father is matchmaking here, that doesn't necessarily mean that she herself is as interested in you as you are in her, but it might be hard for her to decline. Tread carefully, not just now but also in the future.

And good luck!

[XuanWu]

you have the blessings of the father too! well, did you call her????

[JustinJJ]

the father wants you to marry her, tread carefully.

[JWright84]

Thank you for the input.  I really appreciate it. 

 

 

XuanWu

Posted Yesterday, 01:40 PM

you have the blessings of the father too! well, did you call her????

 

Yes, I did follow-up and call her.  She understood my hesitation, and I did ask her to dinner.  She immediately got her friend, announced that I called, some giggling ensued and their friend took the phone.  Their friend proceeded to take the plans for dinner.  I suppose the hardest part is done. 

 

I feel I should clarify that my client is actually the mother not the father.  I have not met her father yet and do not know where he is in all of this.  Meeting for dinner will give us an opportunity to talk though so that I can learn more about her in general and hopefully a bit about her family.

[imron]

美人计

[JWright84]

 

imron

Posted 3 minutes ago

美人计

 

Not denying that as a possibility; however, I think the intentions good.  The real question is what is my client looking for that I can provide because I already show favoritism to them.

 

 

XuanWu

Posted Yesterday, 01:40 PM

you have the blessings of the father too! well, did you call her????

 

Yes, I did call her.  I explained my response over the weekend, which she was understanding.  I proceeded to ask her to dinner, which she giggled and passed the phone to her friend to take the dinner plans.  It was unusual, but then again everything at this point is a bit of cultural shock.

[abcdefg]

Did I make an error in not asking the daughter out?

 

Yes.

 

If so, is there any possibility of recovery at this point?

 

 

Probably, but do not delay.

[Chris Two Times]

Good luck!

 

Warm regards,

Chris Two Times

[JustinJJ]

The family are expecting marriage. They are not going to be proactive in setting you up unless they had that idea. There would be a huge loss of face for the girl and the family if you didn't get married - I think it's wise to separate business and personal life unless you are really really keen -- it's not like going out on a date in the West, it's a big deal there if the family is involved, which they are in your case.

[imron]

Not denying that as a possibility; however, I think the intentions good.

Have a think about this:

 

How would a relationship with this young lady affect your business relationship with your client?  Especially if you break up, how would your business relationship be affected? Or, if you leave your current job how will your relationship with the daughter be affected?

 

Also, what happens if you end up getting together but then you discover that it was all just a ruse of some sort?  How will that affect you personally and also how will it affect your business relationship?

 

Not saying that any of that should preclude you from having dinner with this girl or for taking an interest in her, but just make sure you go through things thoroughly in your mind to be prepared for any of the various outcomes that could occur.

 

For what it's worth, in my experience, keeping your business and your personal life completely separate makes life much easier.

 

I proceeded to ask her to dinner, which she giggled and passed the phone to her friend to take the dinner plans

I'm a little curious as to why she didn't take the dinner plans herself.

[Johnny20270]

what happened?

 

For what it's worth, in my experience, keeping your business and your personal life completely separate makes life much easier.

 

 

but where is the fun in that