Easy ways to have Chinese conversations in China

[AdamD]

Last week I went to Beijing and Shanghai specifically to bolster my conversation skills. The first couple of days were terrible—I'm a pretty severe introvert, and I also couldn't understand what anyone was saying to me because my 听力 sucks—but the last few days were incredible. That's mainly because I used a few techniques to have comfortable Chinese conversations with friendly and patient people.

I don't intend to state the obvious or tell people how to suck eggs. Rather, I want to help people for whom conversation is difficult, confidence is low, experience in China is basic or time is short. I'd also love you all to add your own tips. (I can't find a thread for precisely this sort of advice.)

The usual warnings apply: be careful at night; don't expose valuables; don't wander into a scam. Use common sense and enjoy yourself.

Go to a busy park. This is best in the morning and early afternoon. You can choose from a load of suburban parks in China, but I went to Dongdan Park in Beijing, an easy walk south of Wangfujing. It's full of people dancing, playing 毽子 and 象棋, and just sitting around chatting, so the mood is very positive and open. At this particular park, which I later discovered is also a meeting place for GLBT locals, dozens of people were sitting on a low fence; I sat in a vacant spot and the conversations started instantly. Then I was encouraged to join an informal game of 毽子 that lasted four hours, chatting in short bursts to the other participants the whole time. (A word of warning: Dongdan Park is a cruising spot at night, and I was hit on rather brazenly at dusk, so keep your wits and don't use the toilets on the western edge. I had no issues here in daylight, and most other parks are not cruising spots as far as I know.)

If your first park works for you, identify more parks in the untouristed inner suburbs and just go for a walk. When people inevitably stare at the 外国人 that's walking through their park, smile and say '你好', and watch their faces light up. There's your gambit to start a conversation if they don't do it first. I did this in the Hongkou area of Shanghai, in Lu Xun Park (near Hongkou Football Stadium; go to 虹口足球站 and walk east) and Peace Park (go to 四平路站 and walk south along 大连路 or 四平路 until you see a sign or an entrance gate).

Get in a tourist cart in a pedestrian mall. These are all over the place, but I discovered this in Nanjing Road in Shanghai. There's a little tractor-train that runs punters the length of 南京路步行街 for 5元 a time. Get in the type of train that has seats facing seats, so you're likely to sit with a small group of people, and request your ticket in Chinese. Your carriage companions, all of whom are most likely visiting from another part of China and in a holiday mood, will hear you say four Chinese words and will probably want to talk to you. I had wonderful success with this.

Take someone up on a safe offer. Common sense prevails. If you're aware of how tea scams work, you're in a good position to judge whether or not you're being offered something real. In this particular case in Shanghai, I was offered a free fitness assessment at a modern gym. I told them I was only staying for a couple of days and couldn't commit to anything, but they just seemed rapt that I could speak some Chinese and clearly enjoyed giving me a half-hour detailed fitness assessment. One of the blokes even passed me on the street two days later and was all excited to talk to me.

Respond differently to market stallholders. When people recognise you as an English speaker and announce their merchandise to you (e.g. 'hat... scarf... bag... chess... fan'), tell them in Chinese that their English is great. In Shanghai's Yu Yuan markets, I lost count of how many times their guard dropped and they stopped caring about a sale.

Return to restaurants. Order in Chinese and go back the next day. If they grin and say they remember you, respond and you're away. (This isn't anything new, but I found it to be an effective and relaxing way of having good conversations.)

Visit a neighbourhood recommended by a Chinese Forums member. I took roddy's advice here. It's a friendly area with very few foreigners. I had a couple of remarkably good quality conversations with people who started them.

As at the top of this post, use common sense and don't get yourself into trouble. If you don't feel secure or you're unsure of something, don't do it.

[TheBigZaboon]

Excellent, excellent, excellent!!! 

 

Excellent advice well expressed...

[tysond]

Super post.  Honestly everyone's listening skill is pretty awful upon first hearing real live Chinese from real people who don't stick to the textbook vocabulary, but as you noticed you can improve significantly by trying, failing, then trying again.  I try to think of myself as a door-to-door salesman - think about how much failure they have to experience before someone invites them in for a cup of tea!

 

Anyway here are some tricks I use to squeeze practice in:

 

1. Use the same stable of standard questions that Chinese people ask you: Ask people where they are from, what is famous in that place (food, tourist site, etc), what the weather is like, the population, how much they earn, if they have children, what their age(s) are, etc.    Although this is controlling the conversation it does allow you to get more practice and repeat topics which helps cement them in your brain.

 

2. Bring your textbook - most Chinese people will be very interested to start a conversation if they see you are studying Chinese.  I used to use the Skritter app at a bar and had many conversations about Chinese characters, their history, their meanings.  

 

3. Smile at people who stare - stop and have a chat.  Lots of hutong dwellers in Beijing are happy to have a chat.  Almost everyone will return a smile and a Ni Hao and then ask you a question.

 

4. Look at pictures - if the conversation dies down when you are discussing your life, you can extend it by showing them some pictures of your travels, your home, your pets, whatever.  More topics to discuss.   Any object can work as well (like a watch or a hat or a book) - whether it is yours or theirs.  How big is that TV, how much did you pay for it, when did you get it.

 

5. Get a haircut (or whatever) - not only is this a whole new discussion, you can discuss work, TV, movies, weather, and all the same stuff you discuss with your hairdresser at home.  Works for any other service where you need to sit for 30 minutes (pedicure, foot massage, whatever).  Sometimes I go to a different hairdresser just to mix it up a bit.

 

6. Talk to salespeople - (only if they are not busy) - shops are often overstaffed and paid to wait around all day - point at objects and ask how to say them, ask about their materials, quality, price, supplier location, features, popularity with customers, what type of customers.  If someone hands you a flyer, ask them a few questions about the products/service.  Ask them how long they have been employed, what they did before, how much they get paid, what they studied at university, if they are happy, what they really want to do.

 

7. Don't play with your phone - people tend to leave you alone if you are using your phone.  Doing Anki on my phone has never attracted anyone to talk to me.  Doing Skritter on a large device has sometimes as people can see what you are doing.  Opening a textbook or writing chinese on paper always attracts attention.  

 

8. Older people might be easier to talk to - some people say that they have probably raised kids and know how to speak more simply than younger people who've never had children (I've certainly had younger people spout off quotes from literature to me, while their mother tells them of course I wouldn't understand).  I certainly spend many hours chatting with the ayi at our office.

 

Remember, with a billion Chinese speakers out there, you really don't have to worry about making a fool of yourself, there are always plenty more to meet.  

[TheBigZaboon]

Another excellent set of concrete proposals for really making your time in China, or Taiwan, a real "total immersion" experience. 

 

The advice in these two posts is also an antidote to the cranky laowai persona that some seem to so easily develop in China. 

[Johnny20270]

good post!

 

I must admit, I am getting disheartened as I can't even make a basic dumb conversation no matter how much I study. Conversation either just reverts to English in seconds and or dies down to simply smiles and walking away.

[Silent]

 

walking through their park, smile and say '你好'

If you want to convey you know (some) chinese you might be better off saying 晚上好 or 早好. 你好 is very standard and is known by every westerner, one of the alternatives much better conveys you know Chinese.

 

I'm quite introverted too, so I know the problem. In your examples you basicly wait till other people start a chat. It's far better to start the chat yourself. Just ask silly questions, even if you know the answers, away from home you don't need to worry that you make a fool of yourself. You won't see them again. If really random questions are too scary ask for the way to something, ask for the time, ask what time the park closes, a good restaurant/pub/,,, nearby etc. And make the most of the conversation by re-iterating and asking confirmation questions.

 

If you start the conversations yourself there's less chance that the conversation partner wants something from you. However scammers and touts can be very good conversation partners too, they want to befriend you and will generally be nice and patient you just have to resist their attempts to get at your wallet.

[Silent]

 

Conversation either just reverts to English in seconds and or dies down to simply smiles and walking away.

Reverting to English is easy to solve (in China), speak to people that don't speak English. Maybe you shouldn't set the goals to high. Just start with exchanging a few simple sentences, practice them over and over and slowly expand. If you've no trouble keeping up a conversation in English the issue is confidence, You can only build that by practicing, possibly with a tutor, a good one will not facilitate you reverting to English.

[889]

Develop an interest in some Chinese collectibles and start visiting the markets you'll find all over China. Often the shops are run by retired guys who love to chat. Also a very good way to learn about a particular field of collectibles, since a lot of know-how you won't find in books.

 

And if you're going to drop RMB10,000 on a pair of walnuts, you ought to know why.

 

(Don't try this at busy, crowded places like Panjiayuan.)

[AdamD]

tysond: You've just tipped me off about phone use! I've always hoped it would start a conversation but of course it won't: I know I don't approach anyone's who's using their phone because it erects an invisible wall. And I've usually had success attracting conversations with a book or some writing, but never with flashcard apps. And all your other tips are fabulous.

 

Silent: Interesting you should mention scammers, because one of my better conversations last week was with a pair of tea scammers. They liked that I could speak some Chinese and eventually dropped the English. Right at the end they brought up the tea ceremony, I said I'm too busy, and they thanked me and said goodbye. Weird.

 

889: Yes! A bloke in a market was so disappointed that I didn't want his mahogany 象棋 set that he grabbed my arm and wouldn't let go. Good language practice though.

[imron]

I know I don't approach anyone's who's using their phone because it erects an invisible wall

I know this thread is about having conversations, but just thought I'd add that when you aren't looking for random conversations, putting headphones on (even if you're not listening to anything) is another great way to erect an invisible wall.

[AdamD]

It really is. I use headphones as a defence mechanism in Australia but don't wear them at all in China.

 

I've been thinking more about the phone thing. One night last week I went to a quiet Beijing cafe and had a beer, and felt a bit weird and lonely. Half a dozen westerners came in and talked about their respective experiences with Chinese. I really wanted them to invite me in, so I pulled out my phone and did a load of HelloTalk language exchange. And of course they didn't include me because I was on my phone.

[Johnny20270]

You have a good point about the head phones and phones in general. The whole use mobile technology does create an antisocial environment in some respects. I am doing it myself now, that is , looking at my phone for no real reason other than pure habit. Of course many of us more 'seasoned' people remember growing up when phones weren't even invented and talking to strangers in coffee shops or on the street was normal, and when you met friends you actually talked to each other rather than sit in a group in silence staring into a phone.

 

I find the wechat voice message really strange, like a 70's CB radio. Guess we are all affected by our environment to some degree or other  

 

People who talk to me here are either old grandpas or babies, neither which are interested in phones

[Chris Two Times]

Ditto, the phone/textbook issue.

 

Just today I was in the McDonald's near the East gate of BNU with a McCoffee and revising my lesson with my tutor. I was feeling sorry for myself because I got crushed during this morning's lesson and just wanted to revise as much as and as soon as possible in order to have a stellar next lesson. My nose was deep into my textbook but my Spidey sense was tingling; the Chinese mom next to me was hovering over my shoulder looking into my textbook. BOOM! Instant conversation.

 

That evaporated the self-pity and I just got on with a lengthy conversation with her. I am finding that my BICS (Basic Interpersonal Communication Skills) are actually not bad in Chinese--I need to trust them more and just throw myself into conversation. It's just my CALP (Cognitive Academic Language Proficiency) that is lacking. I will work on this in the next 18 months--my goal for July 2016 is to be able to attend academic lectures on topics in my field and be able to follow them.

 

AdamD, thanks for this topic. I have been in Beijing for two months and have neglected getting in my daily speaking. When I was in Chengdu, I was better at just pounding the pavement and talking with a wide variety of people. This thread has motivated me to get back into action and to make sure I get my daily speaking and listening in--it's easy to go several days without speaking Chinese and that is a bad habit.

 

Warm regards,

Chris Two Times

[889]

Not that I've ever tried it, but I've always thought that getting a cute dog and heading to whatever nearby place dog people congregate would be a good approach. The owners always seem to be chatting away with each other. And keeping the dog groomed and in good health would provide more opportunities to speak Chinese.

 

The more adventurous could consider birds or crickets.

[roddy]

I used to go to that McD's regularly! Early morning coffee, McMuffin and the 新京报 in the sunshine. 

 

As a conversation starter, don't just pull your phone out and hope someone notices what you're up to - feel free to (make up, if necessary) a question. What is the correct stroke order here, how is this character pronounced, what bus should I get to...) Perfectly respectable ice breaker, and if they don't want a conversation they can just tell you and ignore you.

[PaulSav]

Great thread, I wish I had seen this before my last trip to Beijing!

 

Here are two from me:

 

• If your significant other or friends are Chinese, they may have friends in China. These are great people to spend a little time with, either going to dinner or just walking around and chatting. I found I was more relaxed in this situation, because the person was already friendly toward me, and also we had things in common.
• Go to a small, deserted restaurant. My wife was doing some shopping nearby and I just wanted to relax and have some tea. I found a small restaurant with no one in it and asked if it was alright if I just ordered tea. Then, since no one else was there I just drank my tea and chatted a bit. They may offer to give you the tea for free, but I think you still still leave a few yuan!

[DernierVirage]

This is a great thread, which I hadn't noticed before, all the ideas are really good !

 

My own tactic is to admire babies or very small children.....the parents and/or grandparents are always delighted by the attention and conversation flows easily. Even a beginner in Chinese can have a simple conversation - a few compliments about the baby and you're in business.

 

Parks are indeed a fantastic way to get to know people, as someone said you usually meet older people there during the daytime, who always have time to gossip. My own favourite is 龙潭湖公园, it is not too far from the Temple of Heaven but is a really "local" place with lots of regulars and there is always someone to talk to.

[roddy]

Even the big tourist parks like Beihai and Temple of Heaven have plenty of local life going on, but you might need to get off the main thoroughfares. Paying attention to kids is a great way, and much appreciated by the parents. 

[yoyomicah]

Great advice on going out there and getting to work practicing. I especially like tysond's advice below:

 

 

1. Use the same stable of standard questions that Chinese people ask you: Ask people where they are from, what is famous in that place (food, tourist site, etc), what the weather is like, the population, how much they earn, if they have children, what their age(s) are, etc.    Although this is controlling the conversation it does allow you to get more practice and repeat topics which helps cement them in your brain.

 

This can be difficult at times because Chinese people have so many different ways of asking (and answering) these standard questions. But if you are listening for certain keywords, you'll have a really good chance of knowing how to respond. Here's an article that explains it in great detail, and provides lots of audio sentence examples. It addresses the 5 main conversation topics you'll most likely hear when you first meet a Chinese person. They include:

• 姓名 (xìng míng) - name
• 家乡 (jiā xiāng) - hometown
• 年龄 (nián líng) - age
• 家人 (jiā rén) - family
• 职业 (zhí yè) - occupation

Hope this helps you have an answer for those standard questions, even when they're asked in an unexpected way!