Breaking the Exchange Student Barrier

[French]

I have to say Takeshi, this is one hell of a story. I take my hat off to you. I will definitively retell your story if I'm being given the chance to.

Way to go dude.

[Takeshi]

What have I done to myself.

[Flickserve]

Give you a super-like for that story.

[Johnny20270]

 I'm also a very unattractive fat nerdy virgin loser guy

 

 

 

hahaha I laughed at that bit. Works well for a language partner I guess, they see you as a 'nice guy'. 

 

(Sh#t complement if you are trying to date them  )

[roddy]

Takeshi, I'd like you to ask that Japanese girl out for dinner...tell her this guy who runs some website liked something you wrote, and gave you a free dinner. But you have nobody to take.... I'll Paypal you reasonable costs....

[anonymoose]

I think you should go one further and nail her. Once the lights are out, it's all the same anyway.

[Simon_CH]

Great read Takeshi, a big thumps up from me too. 

I hope I didn't laugh too loudly at work... 

[Lu]

Awesome story. It takes guts to pull that off, to make yourself vulnerable like that, but I can see how it would work great.

I once had a serious crush (non-language-related) on a chubby, nerdy, short guy who was, by his own account, not very experienced with women. Don't lose heart. (It didn't work out, he turned me down.)

[jobm]

@Takeshi hats off to you, dude! I admire your optimism, really. You are one of the coolest guys I know.

 

Just think of this.. if you had a Chinese girlfriend, would you stll rather talk to other speakers that much? Probably not. Instead, you even gained more than what you had wanted to and you have made a lot of Chinese friends which for me is more important than having only one girlfriend. Imagine, if that one Chinese girl breaks up with you, you would end up with nobody else to practice Chinese HAHAHA.

 

In my experience, I often find it easier to talk to the elders and to those who are working like our hotel's receptionist or to the ayi at the canteen. I promise next semester I would find more ways to meet with Chinese.

 

Guys, have you tried that shake shake something in wechat?

[Angelina]

Why don't you just try to make friends with people? It is challenging because it takes more than exotic looks to build a friendship with a person from a different culture. However, it is an extremely rewarding experience and you will understand much more about China. 

[Guest realmayo]

I think you should go one further and

 

I'll Paypal you reasonable costs....

[Takeshi]

Wow, I'm quite surprised this got so much positive feedback. I'm glad people like it. I always kept this story a sort of secret because I thought people would think I'm crazy once they heard it, but who would have known.

 

Lu, thank you for your kind words. I'm sorry it didn't work out for you. Don't lose heart either!

 

jobm, good luck with your efforts!

Considering how popular the last one was, here, let me give you another piece of Secret Takeshi Advice that Sounds Insane™.

 

Don't worry too much about getting "friends" either actually. I mean, again, if you are able to get friends then that's great but, you shouldn't really expect people to just be friends with you because realistically that's not going to happen. Uhh, I guess cultural differences, social circle/environment differences (you aren't in a Chinese-student major), and the fact that you only there for a short period of time, (among various other reasons) will significantly hurt your ability to get friends. The "friends" you do get will either secretly hate you or simply not like you as much as they like their real—probably Chinese—friends. It feels depressing, but this is normal. (Or... at least /I/ think it's normal; but as I said, I'm not exactly the most liked person.) I would like to remind you that you don't actually need friends. It might sound weird but well, remember this: you get language exposure from people even if they hate you, just as long as they talk! Trying to find friends is in my opinion being too ambitious. You should be trying to find acquaintences and oppertunities to use language. This is still kind of difficult, but it's not impossible if you live in China and just try really hard. Ideally you would be able to have such oppertunities regularily or develop the ability to find them at a fast enough rate to fill your week's whole schedule. (If you have extra time that you couldn't fill, my personal solution is to spend it marathoning Chinese dramas.) Indeed, getting actual friends is one possible solution, but there are so many easier ways to solve the same problem that aren't as nearly-impossible.

 

Of course I'm not saying you should be mean to people or do things that are socially or ethically unacceptable just for the sake of getting people to start yelling and swearing at you (even if getting yelled at and sweared at is still the language exposure you really really want deep down inside); you should stay within the limits of socially-acceptable human behaviour because doing so is generally good. But don't be scared to spend hours just sitting there in places where you really don't belong. You know, that dumb club or whatever where really nobody cares about you, that dumb auntie who invites you over to lecture you on her crazy ideas about life that are just plain wrong, that dumb round of mahjong that you really don't want to play because you'll just lose more money to assholes who are taking advantage of you, or just at whatever places you have the oppertunity of going to that you actually don't want to go to. Depending on how brave and creative you are, possibilities are endless actually! Just throw yourself out there, where "there" is any place where people speak Chinese, no matter how dumb and boring being "there" is, and also don't worry about the fact that nobody really wants you to be "there" either, even though they probably lie and pretend to be welcoming. If you do that, it's infinitively better than sitting in your dorm room and doing nothing. Of course if you have found a "there" that you actually like, that is better because you'll be happier, but if you never found that "there" yet, anything is better than nothing.

When you get back home, think about the horrible day you had, and all the Chinese you learnt/got to use/got exposed to, and take a nice rest for now because you're doing it again tomorrow.

 

Anyways, that is sort of a background story on how I mentally prepared myself to perform Operation Lovable Loser™. In my case, Operation Lovable Loser™ was a unique way of creating a "there" from pretty much anywhere. But it's not the only way to get a quick and easy supply of "there". I'll leave it up to you to devise your own method that works for you!

[anonymoose]

How do you know that nobody wants you to be "there"?

 

I'll give you credit for posting your story, but I think many of your problems may stem from your own attitude. By that I mean that if you see yourself as a "loser", then of course other people will also.

 

I guess that putting on the act of loser provides you with a way to justify to yourself being treated as a loser - "I was being like that deliberately" - but I don't think it will be advantageous to you in the long run.

 

I see many fat ugly men here with often good-looking women. The difference is that usually they think of themselves as the pinnacle of success. If you exude an air of confidence, then other people will respect you (even if they don't all like you).

[Angelina]

 

I agree. Be confident Takeshi!

 

It's easy to hide behind this mask of a loveable loser, but you are avoiding the little effort it would take you to show the world how really wonderful you are. 

 

 

 

Don't worry too much about getting "friends" either actually. I mean, again, if you are able to get friends then that's great but, you shouldn't really expect people to just be friends with you because realistically that's not going to happen.

 

Why not?

The only thing you need to make friends with Chinese people is to overcome the prejudices you have towards them. Like the one about Chinese guys playing computer games all the time. 

Don't run away from meaningful relationship with Chinese friends. It will also help you with your Chinese. After a while, "你是什么专业的？" gets boring and in order to speak real Chinese you will need to have real Chinese friends. 

[Johnny20270]

I see many fat ugly men here with often good-looking women

 

 

Especially in China!

[jobm]

Thanks, Takeshi! With only a semester left, I would like to make the best out of it to make good and lasting friendships with the Chinese people <3 依依不舍离开中国

 

As what I have read from a blog before and based from my experience, learning a foreign language does not only encompass the 4 basic skills which are reading, listening, speaking, and writing. But most importantly, for me, learning a foreign language is knowing ourselves more and a chance for all of us to improve our self-esteem and become better persons. I also have personal issues and I think learning Chinese makes me overcome them one-by-one. So, dude, I believe when we have crossed our borders, take a deep breath, and believe more in ourselves and in what we could do, our Chinese will really have a breakthrough By then, the 美女 will be the ones chasing us HAHA!

 

I just can't wait for winter to end, I don't want to stay in my room all day long :D

[Lu]

Not sure if Takeshi lacks confidence, or if he doesn't realise just how much confidence he has... It takes guts and 厚脸皮 to put yourself out there.

Regardless of whether he has confidence, the advice is sound. Don't hold out for soulmates and best friends, just spend time with whoever is willing to spend time with you, even if you wouldn't always have picked that person/group in other circumstances. You may or may not make great friends, but at least you'll talk to people.

The only thing you need to make friends with Chinese people is to overcome the prejudices you have towards them.

I agree that prejudices are stupid, but it takes more than this to make friends. Both of you need to have enough time, and be willing to spend it together. Some commonalities help, as does the ability to communicate. To really become friends, you need to like each other. There are plenty of people that I have no prejudices against but that I just don't particularly want to spend time with.

[Angelina]

I agree with Takeshi on his advice not to take yourself that seriously. I would add more optimism, who says it's impossible to do something. 

[Angelina]

My point is, it's not impossible to find a person you enjoy spending time with. Although when in a foreign country and learning a new language, maybe it's better to talk to people without hoping that your other half is around the corner. 

[Lu]

My point is, it's not impossible to find a person you enjoy spending time with.

I agree. It takes time though, and as I read Takeshi's advice, it's more like: don't be picky about who you talk to, because talking to someone you don't like is better than not talking at all. Of course, talking to someone you do like is better still.