abcdefg Posted January 24, 2015 at 02:41 AM Author Report Posted January 24, 2015 at 02:41 AM Here's what I would like to tell her. I am open to help with making the wording as clear as possible possible, but at the same time as kind as possible. She is used to my Chinese not being polished and literary; hers isn't either. So making it perfect here is not one of my goals. She doesn't speak English and all our conversations, written and spoken, are in Chinese. So i must now change languages in seeking this last bit of assistance. 亲爱的，我不希望你辞职。虽然每天的工作时间都比较长，但这是一份很不错的工作。而且你所有的朋友都在这家公司。事实上，你现在的工作就是你的一切。如果你辞职的话，我怕你肯定不会开心，不会快乐的。 不过我是那么喜欢你，那么爱你，我没办法娶你因为我们年龄差距太大了，我太老了。这样的婚姻对我们俩都不合适，这样的婚姻不会长久成功。我也担心你的父母不会批准我。 而且我的退休金不够给你几百万块买房子的钱。如果我突然生病的话，我怎么办？我不穷，但是我还是不是个富有的人。 有可能更好我们现在分手，让你找到更合适更年轻的终身伴侣。你觉得呢？
skylee Posted January 24, 2015 at 03:09 AM Report Posted January 24, 2015 at 03:09 AM ok. But why ask the last question? You sound undetermined, and this might drag on. 有可能 is not good enough, either. Consider starting the last part with 我覺得/我認為, and ending it with 就這樣吧. Also there is no apology in the message. Please throw in 對不起 somewhere. 3
abcdefg Posted January 24, 2015 at 03:36 AM Author Report Posted January 24, 2015 at 03:36 AM OK, how about this for the last paragraph then? 对不起，但是我认为更好我们现在分手，让你找到更合适更年轻的终身伴侣。就这样吧。 My reason for not ending it like that initially was a desire not to be harsh.
Kenny同志 Posted January 24, 2015 at 03:45 AM Report Posted January 24, 2015 at 03:45 AM Overall, the original Chinese is fine. I just made some minor changes and added something you might have wanted to express but failed to. If you feel you can express yourself better using English, then write in English. I will translate it for you free of charge if it's not tooooo long. : ) Hope it helps 亲爱的，我不希望你辞职。虽然每天的工作时间都比较长，但这是一份很不错的工作。而且你所有的朋友都在这家公司。事实上，你现在的工作就是你的一切。如果你辞职的话，我觉得你肯定不会开心，不会快乐的。 我喜欢你是真的，爱你也是真的，我没办法娶你是因为你还青春少艾，而我已是行将就木的人。婚姻对我们俩不太现实，你父母也定然不会同意；即便你我勉强结合，婚姻也恐难美满长久。 另外，虽然我深知你爱我远胜过爱我的钱，但我自愧还买不起几百万的房子给你。我的退休金确实能保我衣食无忧，不过也就仅此而已，加上我已到这把年纪，身体容易出毛病，得留一笔钱以备不时之需，所以能自由支配的就更少了，你的一些心愿也就没法帮你达成。 扪心自问，我之前的想法太过自私。经过慎重考虑，我觉得我们最好还是现在分手。我是一个风烛残年的老头，不应该再浪费你的大好年华，而你也应该趁着这个年纪，去寻找真正适合自己的终身伴侣。你说是吗？ 衷心祝福你以后过得幸福。 2
abcdefg Posted January 24, 2015 at 04:13 AM Author Report Posted January 24, 2015 at 04:13 AM Many thanks, Kenny. My only concern is that your version is too eloquent, too fine. She and I don't ever talk at so high a level of polished Chinese. (After all, I am a foreigner and she only graduated 6th grade in a dirt-floor rural elementary school in a poor mountain village in Southern Yunnan.) I'll see if I can use parts of your version to help me say a few things better without it seeming like I have suddenly grown wings and become a genius and scholar.
Kenny同志 Posted January 24, 2015 at 04:26 AM Report Posted January 24, 2015 at 04:26 AM No problem but I think she should be able to read it. : ) Edit: The village in the picture is beautiful. It must be where she comes from.
ChTTay Posted January 24, 2015 at 05:22 AM Report Posted January 24, 2015 at 05:22 AM You could always write her a letter rather than say what you've written
abcdefg Posted January 24, 2015 at 05:30 AM Author Report Posted January 24, 2015 at 05:30 AM Is this better? (I don't really care if it's perfect. and I don't want it to be any longer.) 亲爱的，我不希望你辞职。虽然每天的工作时间都比较长，但这是一份很不错的工作。而且你所有的朋友都在这家公司。事实上，你现在的工作就是你的一切。如果你辞职的话，我觉得你肯定不会开心，不会快乐的。 我喜欢你是真的，爱你也是真的，我没办法娶你因为我们年龄差距太大了，我太老了。婚姻对我们俩不太现实，这样的婚姻不会长久成功，你父母也定然不会同意。 而且买不起很贵的房子给你，我的退休金不够了。如果我突然出毛病，生病 等，我怎么办？我不贫穷，但是我还是不是个富有的人。 对不起，我之前的想法太过自私。经过慎重考虑，我觉得我们最好还是现在分手，让你找到更合适更年轻的终身伴侣。 衷心祝福你以后过得幸福。 Footnote: I hope to have this whole matter concluded before the weekend is over, one way or another. Don't want it to drag on and on. It is breaking my heart. Must finish up and move on. Am having dinner tonight with another long-time local Chinese friend. Will see what she has to say regarding methodology. At this point my plan of action is to first send her the letter, then try to have a face to face discussion if possible. If she doesn't have time for that, I will call her on the phone. Feel it is kinder and more respectful not to just do it in written form. Less impersonal.
Johnny20270 Posted January 24, 2015 at 06:30 AM Report Posted January 24, 2015 at 06:30 AM Best to get it over an done with abcdef. Pull it off like a band-aid I'd say. You have been around the block a few times I guess. Been there several times myself. Always think its just best to ram it through, Not nice of course but you can take solace in that in a few weeks there might be a good (raw) sense of closure. Then see what the future beholds Best of luck
abcdefg Posted January 24, 2015 at 06:36 AM Author Report Posted January 24, 2015 at 06:36 AM Thanks Johnny. I have indeed been around the block more than once. Appreciate your support. Would like to wait until a couple more native speakers or near-native speakers have a chance to review my last version, above, to make sure I haven't inadvertently said something just awful.
Johnny20270 Posted January 24, 2015 at 06:38 AM Report Posted January 24, 2015 at 06:38 AM ahh yes, I mean its good to see you have made a decision rather than string it on for months 1
abcdefg Posted January 24, 2015 at 06:46 AM Author Report Posted January 24, 2015 at 06:46 AM #66 -- Yes, Kenny, her village is in the background in the photo posted above. Here are a couple more, showing what it's like there. 1
New Members NancyD Posted January 24, 2015 at 08:04 AM New Members Report Posted January 24, 2015 at 08:04 AM Having read this whole thread from the beginning - abc has not said anything about his girlfriend other than she is young and is poor and supporting her family and that she is "sweet" and wants he her to sleep over more often-he doesn't seem to regard her as a person but more of a commodity he wants to control with his money after he asked her about the "arrangement" I think she figured wth let's shoot for the moon and have him buy my parents a house and ttytt I don't blame her my opinion, don't give her any money at all and leave her be 1
Kenny同志 Posted January 24, 2015 at 08:41 AM Report Posted January 24, 2015 at 08:41 AM Is this better? Yes, I think it's slightly better. But if I were you, I would replace the last sentence of the fourth paragraph with my version, i.e. '经过慎重考虑，我觉得我们最好还是现在分手。我是一个风烛残年的老头，不应该再浪费你的大好年华，而你也应该趁着这个年纪，去寻找真正适合自己的终身伴侣。你说是吗？', to make it less harsh.
Kenny同志 Posted January 24, 2015 at 08:50 AM Report Posted January 24, 2015 at 08:50 AM I can see from the last picture that the village is a bit poor. But these are all nice pictures. Thanks for posting them!
abcdefg Posted January 24, 2015 at 08:56 AM Author Report Posted January 24, 2015 at 08:56 AM Sorry, Kenny. I'm going to be stubborn. I really don't have one foot in the grave and I think I could give her a very good year that would expand her horizons, show her more of the world, enrich her life and bring her some lasting happiness. I don't think her year with me would be wasted if she had the right attitude and used the time constructively to undertake some self improvement projects. But I honestly believe that a couple more good active years is about all I have left, and am unwilling to promise her or anyone else more than I can reliably deliver. I have no children or other dependents and could leave her whatever funds didn't get used up. She really doesn't currently want marriage, and rejected a good suitor last year that her parents arranged. She just wants a chunk of money now to buy a house because her parents are in some kind of trouble. I respect her sense of urgency even though I don't understand all the details. After considerable thought and discussion, I now recognize that the relationship between us has zero chance of working out, so I do want to end it and move on. I will, however, gladly incorporate part of your last paragraph, because I do want to make the letter less harsh. How about this as a compromise? 亲爱的，我不希望你辞职。虽然每天的工作时间都比较长，但这是一份很不错的工作。而且你所有的朋友都在这家公司。事实上，你现在的工作就是你的一切。如果你辞职的话，我觉得你肯定不会开心，不会快乐的。 我喜欢你是真的，爱你也是真的，我没办法娶你是因为我们年龄差距太大了，我太老了。婚姻对我们俩不太现实，这样的婚姻不会长久成功，你父母也定然不会同意。 而且我买不起很贵的房子给你，我的退休金不够了。如果我突然出毛病，生病 等，我怎么办？我不贫穷，但是我还不是个富有的人。 对不起，我之前的想法太过自私。经过慎重考虑，我觉得我们最好还是现在分手，你找到更合适更年轻的终身伴侣。你说是吗？ 衷心祝福你以后过得幸福。
Chris Two Times Posted January 24, 2015 at 09:03 AM Report Posted January 24, 2015 at 09:03 AM I would generally agree, but some Chinese women are very immature and would resolve to threatening suicide/violence and just harass you to no end, since in their mind you're the bad guy who wasted X years of their life without marrying them and so there has to be some kind of "revenge" upon you to make it right. I'm sure, many Westerners have similar stories to tell. My buddy sent this to me about four days ago: http://tribune.com.pk/story/821740/chinese-woman-cuts-off-husbands-genitals-twice/ Sorry about that...burning that image in people's head and getting off track...I also couldn't resist though. abcdefg, best of luck with this. I have been in a somewhat quasi-similar-but-actually-different situation not too long ago (well, being involved with a very nice younger Chinese woman and then stepping back from it). Do your best with it, man. Warm regards, Chris Two Times
anonymoose Posted January 24, 2015 at 09:33 AM Report Posted January 24, 2015 at 09:33 AM I don't have one foot in the grave That's just the dictionary translation, not the literal meaning.
Kenny同志 Posted January 24, 2015 at 09:42 AM Report Posted January 24, 2015 at 09:42 AM I don't have one foot in the grave and I think I could give her a very good year that would expand her horizons, show her more of the world, enrich her life and bring her some lasting happiness. I don't think her year with me would be wasted if she had the right attitude and used the time constructively to undertake some self improvement projects. In the end she would gain more than just a house. My apologies. I understand that. In fact, that sentence is more about making her feel better. Certainly, you can leave out the 風燭殘年 part but for what it's worth, when we are going to split with someone, we often 貶低自己 for various reasons, for example, to hide our true feelings, to make him/her feel better, or just as an excuse. What we say about ourselves may not be entirely true. Back to the message, I think your version in #68 is better. 1
abcdefg Posted January 24, 2015 at 09:54 AM Author Report Posted January 24, 2015 at 09:54 AM No offense taken. Thanks again for your assistance and compassion. #68 better than #75? Really? If so, then I'm going backwards.
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