淨土極樂 Posted January 25, 2015 at 10:33 AM Report Posted January 25, 2015 at 10:33 AM I thought the OP's avatar and location looked familiar, so I did some googling. And yes, I was able to find that post from 2011 that disturbed me back then. http://www.chinese-forums.com/index.php?/topic/33393-culture-shock-when-you-get-back-home/page-2#comment-261853 Don’t mean to be politically incorrect, but it’s also a fact that I sorely miss those sweet Yunnan girls, many fresh from the countryside -- should explain that I'm an old dog and that age seems to be less of a handicap with women in China than in the US. Now that we know he's over 70, this just sounds creepy. Honestly, I think anyone with half a brain should be able to piece together the story. Why would those "sweet country girls" be with him? Does he look amazing at 70? Does he have a great personality? He stated directly in this thread that he has nothing in common with this massage girl. So why? 1
abcdefg Posted January 25, 2015 at 11:32 AM Author Report Posted January 25, 2015 at 11:32 AM #98 -- @Edelweis -- the OP concluded that the plan exposed in the first post is a BAD IDEA.。。。abcdefg perhaps you could add this to your first post? Probably best to just leave it as is. The question I originally asked about intimate relationships in China other than marriage has now been answered thoroughly enough to provide guidance for any one else coming along later with similar notions. Suppose I could summarize the consensus as: Don't try it if there's a large age difference and don't try it if there's a large affluence gap. Do not invite your young sweetheart to take a sabbatical year off before she settles down and travel with you to places she wants to see and learn new skills that would help her in future life. Above all, do not offer to pay for it. -------------------------------------- #101 -- @净土 -- Now that we know he's over 70, this just sounds creepy. I will have to just ignore your comment. I'm sure there are valid reasons why you feel so strongly about it. Can't start rebutting things taken out of context a long time in the past. But I'm glad you are not on a committee that must decide whether or not I am to be burned at the stake. ----------------------- By way of follow up to the main part of the thread: We talked late this afternoon via text message. Me: (I wrote the lady's name here) 我不希望你辞职。 Her: 哦。为什么？ Me： 因为是一份好工作，而且你的朋友所有在公司。我认为你不会快乐的。 Her： 嗯。 Me： 对不起，我也不能给你买房子的首付款，买不起。 Her： 没关系的。 That's where it stands. I don't intend to initiate further contact. 3
skylee Posted January 25, 2015 at 11:47 AM Report Posted January 25, 2015 at 11:47 AM abcdefg, thanks for sharing. You didn't have to.
studychinese Posted January 25, 2015 at 11:53 AM Report Posted January 25, 2015 at 11:53 AM "Now that we know he's over 70, this just sounds creepy. Honestly, I think anyone with half a brain should be able to piece together the story. Why would those "sweet country girls" be with him? Does he look amazing at 70? Does he have a great personality? He stated directly in this thread that he has nothing in common with this massage girl. So why?" Sounds like the epitome of evil to me. How dare an old man date outside his age group! Why isn't he satisfied with old ladies in their 70s? Do you think that he could be the antichrist? 1
Shelley Posted January 25, 2015 at 11:57 AM Report Posted January 25, 2015 at 11:57 AM Looks like it's time for me to unsubscribe and withdraw from this discussion. Please don't unsubscribe, by all means withdraw from the discussion, but don't leave the forums completely. Some of your other posts have been informative, interesting and entertaining. This topic, like all topics will fade in to the background and life will go on. Glad you have told her and that she seems to have not taken it too hard.
abcdefg Posted January 25, 2015 at 12:10 PM Author Report Posted January 25, 2015 at 12:10 PM Please don't unsubscribe, by all means withdraw from the discussion, but don't leave the forums completely. Some of your other posts have been informative, interesting and entertaining. Thanks, Shelley. I didn't mean I intended to leave the forum, just "unfollow" this particular thread, because it seems to me that everything which needs to be said has been said.
Shelley Posted January 25, 2015 at 12:37 PM Report Posted January 25, 2015 at 12:37 PM Oh okay misunderstood, glad your sticking around.
Silent Posted January 25, 2015 at 05:44 PM Report Posted January 25, 2015 at 05:44 PM If I read the story I really wonder what is in your mind going to happen after the year arrangement? Is it just meant as a year of fun? In the end the two of you have to sort things out. I do wonder however why not a marriage. Ok, you mentioned a few reasons, but I'm not convinced they're really valid and are more about a mental picture how things should be. After the 'dealmaking' of the year arrangement it may however be a hard sell if she's primarily after the money for the downpayment/financial security.. But then, for a house different arrangements might be made. When it's just a year of fun and you are afraid to loose the lump sum payment and she doesn't like the idea of monthly payments I guess something like (temporary) co-ownership or a loan agreement could be a solution. This may however complicate things legally and relation wise. If you want to go that way some professional legal advice may be in order.
陳德聰 Posted January 25, 2015 at 07:22 PM Report Posted January 25, 2015 at 07:22 PM Me： 对不起，我也不能给你买房子的首付款，买不起。Her： 没关系的。 I don't think it makes any sense to read into communications that have passed through so many screens to get to me, but it sounds like she's not terribly upset about it. 1
studychinese Posted January 25, 2015 at 08:08 PM Report Posted January 25, 2015 at 08:08 PM The reply is stone cold. Of course the surface response doesn't have to reflect the actual emotion.
abcdefg Posted January 26, 2015 at 04:07 AM Author Report Posted January 26, 2015 at 04:07 AM In response to an earlier question, yes this is the same young woman. I had forgotten about that previous thread. http://www.chinese-forums.com/index.php?/topic/44325-an-arranged-marriage/
imron Posted January 26, 2015 at 04:34 AM Report Posted January 26, 2015 at 04:34 AM You mentioned in an earlier comment that writing out your full story would take a novel. Maybe try writing a novel (like a proper novel, not just a post on the forums). Not just of the relationship of course, but it seems you have a very varied and interesting Chinese life, and I'm sure your experiences would give you a rich background to draw from. You also mentioned in an earlier post that "Life is never simple, never just black and white." and stories that are never just black and white and that challenge you to confront your assumptions and beliefs have a large amount of potential. 3
abcdefg Posted January 26, 2015 at 12:45 PM Author Report Posted January 26, 2015 at 12:45 PM Thanks, Imron, I have written lots of China short stories. Maybe someday I can knit them together into a novel. Might be a good project for after I eventually slake my wanderlust and just want to settle down.
Lu Posted January 26, 2015 at 02:09 PM Report Posted January 26, 2015 at 02:09 PM The reply is stone cold. Of course the surface response doesn't have to reflect the actual emotion. Could be she's really feeling it's 沒關係, could be she's holding back tears but doesn't want it to show so 沒關係, could be she has too much to say to put it in a text message so just leaves it at 沒關係, or something else altogether. But there is no telling from here. 1
abcdefg Posted January 26, 2015 at 02:24 PM Author Report Posted January 26, 2015 at 02:24 PM @Lu -- Based on some parts of the story that have not been fully told, I don't think she is holding back tears and mourning our separation. She's really pretty mature and intelligent, and I feel like she also reached the conclusion that the situation had less up side potential than either of us initially thought. She wasn't interested in meeting or even discussing it on the phone. If I ever get around to writing the novel Imron suggested above, maybe I can supply more information and go into further speculation. China has really been great and I've loved being here so much! But it's time to put this particular conversation to bed. 3
Shelley Posted January 26, 2015 at 04:43 PM Report Posted January 26, 2015 at 04:43 PM Goodnight to this topic And good wishes to you abcdefg.
ChTTay Posted January 26, 2015 at 05:25 PM Report Posted January 26, 2015 at 05:25 PM Yes abcefg, hope everything works out. Enjoy your posts.
imron Posted January 26, 2015 at 11:25 PM Report Posted January 26, 2015 at 11:25 PM Might be a good project for after I eventually slake my wanderlust and just want to settle down. Or it might be a good idea to do it while your wanderlust is still strong, so the novel becomes infused with it P.S. Not trying to force anything, just offering food for thought. Anyway wishing you luck in your travels and life. Admin: No replies for a few days so I'm going to quietly close this. R.
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