Chinese Relationship?

[suzysuzy]

Hello everyone, I am canadian and would be very interested in chinese culture especially relationship. Would you please help me?

I wanted to know how does chinese person defines the word 'friendship'? I know friendship has lots of meanings.

How often will a guy and girl see each other one on one/talk to each other if they are just friends?

I would like to know if a chinese guy goes out with a girl one on one, and he said 'I enjoy your friendship'. Do you think he really means we are just friends and no more, can't be develop further. Maybe friendship sounds different to canadian culture. What do you guys think?

Thanks

[TSkillet]

I think we'd really have to know a heck of a lot more about the guy, his background, your background and the context of the conversation to even begin to make a judgement on what he meant by "friendship".

[Outofin]

Interesting question. I don't really know about Canadian culture, but I don't think there would be huge differences between us. China is a open country, especially when we talk about the youth. I have some female friends. Sometimes we go out one on one, but we are just friends. However, I know sometimes between two persons it could be a subtle question whether it's friendship or love. A guy saying 'I enjoy your friendship'? It really depends on how he says it.

[goldenseal]

I too, am interested in the replies to this, I guess I wouldnt have been brave enough to bring up the original post but now that someone has I will jump in.

I have a friend in china, but I think I also misunderstand his meanings of friendship.

We talk daily, email, IM, phone, sometimes more than once per day on various business and personal conversations. It is an impossible situation, we could never be more than friends,. but it seems I do get what I percieve to be "mixed signals"? He says alot of things, but then will say "you are my best friend" or I dont know what I"d do without your friendship? etc. When I try to find out his intentions, I get different answers, vague? I dont know how to handle this, or what in the world is going on. he will turn around and say -

I hope I didnt mislead you into thinking I had other feelings? and then say something that could be taken several ways. I really dont get it? So I'm taking a time out from all that, but still have to conduct the business part. I should have prefaced my comments by saying I have little or no knowlege of the chinese culture, but am trying to learn quickly and dont want to mess up what otherwise is a very nice situation.

[wushijiao]

There are some countries in which if a girl is talking to a boy, it's assumed that they are getting it on. Making babies. China isn't one of these countries. In fact, as far as plutonic relationships (between men and women), I don't think China is all that different from Western countries. By that I mean, things can get pretty complex. There are pure friendships with nothing else, frienships with one person being attracted and the other not, friendships involving more sinister motives, one person playing the other while using the cloak of friendship to protect him/herself, frienships that should turn into something else...etc.

Like TSkillet said, more context needs to be given. And as Outofin said, drastic generation gaps (almost like the pre-1900 American generation giving birth to generation Y) make it almost impossible to generalize.

[Outofin]

goldenseal,

Speaking of friendship, I talk with female friends almost about everything that I could talk to male friends, except some inappropriate male-only topics.

If your heart tells you that he's immature, or untrustful, or shy, you're most likely right. I think a man should take blames for making a lady feel bothered, in whichever situations.

Don't take culture into account. The case is not about customs or traditions. This is about human's feelings. There's some differences between China and your country, but there's no huge, fundanmental differences.

[goldenseal]

Thanks so much for your replies, through our business relationship we have become good friends which is enjoyable. I have tried to accept things as just 2 human beings who talk and share etc. Sometimes the cultural differences will come into play, (mostly when I say something stupid!! LOL) but I have not paid a tremendous amount of attention to it.

I have to say I do trust him in our business matters and otherwise, and have found him to be very perceptive, and sensitive, something I guess I wouldnt have expected for a young man his age. I have also found him to be very patient with my "bumbling" around as I am learning as well, this is a new venture for our company.

.....( I probably sounded judgemental in my above comment about younger men,but I guess the ones I know here are in the bar, or in front of a video game....not that theres anything wrong with that! haha) perhaps out of the office he is that way as well.

I just try to avoid any miscommunications, but he says these comments that I dont understand or know what he means, I do ask, but dont really get answers, or they are very vague....."yes, we are best friends, lets see what the future brings?' any future is impossible, so I'm not sure if that is a customary comment, or if its suppose to mean more? or "I only want to talk to you?" or " I always miss my dear friend" is this just superficial greetings? oh well, I just enjoy the moment for what it is, and the friend for what he is, I may never know his true intentions, but I can live with that.

signed, confused in the USA

[gato]

I have to say I do trust him in our business matters and otherwise' date=' and have found him to be very perceptive, and sensitive, something I guess I wouldnt have expected for a young man his age......

I just try to avoid any miscommunications, but he says these comments that I dont understand or know what he means, I do ask, but dont really get answers, or they are very vague....."yes, we are best friends, lets see what the future brings?' any future is impossible, so I'm not sure if that is a customary comment, or if its suppose to mean more? or "I only want to talk to you?" or " I always miss my dear friend" is this just superficial greetings? [/quote']

Based on what you've written, I think he wants to be more than "just friends." If he were a shy "sensitive" American male of his age, you'd readily recognize it, so don't think because he's Chinese, his words mean something different. Since you don't want to go beyond a "friendship," just don't give him any mixed signals. You don't have to say it outright. But if he keeps up with this "let's be best friends for the rest of our lives" business, then maybe you should be more clear with him.