100 Best Chinese Insults (Captain Obvious™ content warning: will contain profanity)

January 31, 2015 at 07:09 AM

we absolutely need a thread with those 100 best Chinese insults. link

What a grand idea! Let's see if we can make it to 100 insults first. Afterwards maybe we'll prune it down to the best ones (or just keep going).

Full list so far (may be some errors in explanations, there are some I'm not too sure about):

乌龟王八蛋 - general, all-purpose, tortoise-related insult, normally for someone who has wronged you, or maybe an unfilial son.
八婆 - woman who gossips too much. I'm assuming “八” refers to “八卦”, which as well as referring to the eight trigrams in the 易经, also means “to gossip”.
婊子 - whore/slut, i.e. insulting a woman's sexual integrity.
狐狸精 - literally “fox-spirit”. A woman who steals away other women's husbands.
我咒你生孩子没屁眼 - I curse you to have children born with no assholes!
“您” used sarcastically - being overly respectful on the surface to someone you actually find pretentious or contemptible.
二百五 - several different theories on the etymology of this phrase, the most common is that in olden times 500 两 of silver was called a 封, so 250 was “半封”, which is homophonous with “半疯” (half-mad).
Grass mud horse (草泥马） - near-homophonous with “操你妈” (fuck your mother).
傻逼 - literally “stupid vagina”, sometimes translated as “stupid cunt”, although in reality it's much less offensive than that would normally be in English (bear in mind that “逼” can also be used positively, as in “牛逼” awesome).
Note on the above two: technically, the correct character for “操” should be “肏”, and the correct character for “逼” should be “屄”. However, these characters are rarely used, in favour of the phonetic loan characters (which also have non-profane uses, e.g. “早操”、“逼人”).
坏蛋 - literally “bad egg”, although more common than this phrase in English (possibly the English is a calque from the Chinese? I don't know).
白痴 - idiot.
神经病 - you have a mental illness. Insulting people's mental state is seen as OK in Chinese.
蠢猪 - stupid pig.
有病 - literally “you have an illness”, figuratively “what the hell is your problem?”
脑袋进水了 - you have water in your head, i.e. you're stupid/not thinking straight. I think this can also be used self-depreciatingly.
狗嘴里吐不出象牙 - I guess you use this insult to insult people who insult people too much.
混蛋 - literally “confused egg”, figuratively “bastard”.
榆木脑袋 - I guess this is used to describe people who are too stubborn, something like “pig-headed” in English.
小屁孩 - bratty kid.
乳臭未干 - mother's milk hasn't dried yet, i.e. young and inexperienced.
The above two remind me of “too young, too simple, sometimes naïve” (an English phrase every young Chinese person will understand, thanks to 江泽民).
你算老几？ - something like “who do you think you are?”
你是哪根葱？ - don't know. Maybe something like “who the hell are you”?
撒泡尿照照自己 - “泡” is the classifier for “尿”. “Take a piss and do some self-reflection” - according to Taiwan's MoE dictionary (where it's phrased as “撒泡尿自己照照”), it means the person totally lacks self-awareness (自知之明).
德性 - disgusting behaviour. Essentially a sarcastic version of 德行 (virtuous behaviour).
瘪三 - wretched beggar.
黄毛小子、黄毛丫头 - immature guy/girl.
（死）变态 - pervert. “死” adds intensity.
蠢 - stupid.
婆妈 - like an old lady.
娘娘腔 - girly/effeminate.
饭桶 - good-for-nothing person who sits around all day but still eats lots of food.
废物 - trash/rubbish.
垃圾 - same as 废物.
装逼 - pretentious prick.
兔崽子 - literally “young rabbit”. Someone unworthy.
脓包 - good-for-nothing. Literally “pustule”. Delightful.
傻瓜 - “stupid melon”, i.e. another word for “idiot”. Sometimes used as a sanitised version of “傻逼”.
傻蛋 - “stupid egg”, i.e. yet another word for “idiot”.
我操你祖宗十八代 - I fuck your ancestors for eighteen generations.
（我操你）妈了个逼 - (I fuck your) mother's cunt. I have searched far and wide trying to find a grammatical explanation for that “了”, but none has ever been forthcoming. Anyone doing a linguistics degree, there's the topic for your thesis paper. You're welcome.
绿茶婊 - green tea bitch. A girl who pretends to be all sweetness and light, but is actually scheming and backstabbing.
（死）淫贼 - pervert, lecherous man.
缩头乌龟 - cowardly person who backs away from confrontation.
咒你祖宗十八代、子孙三十八代 - I curse your ancestors for 18 generations, and your descendents for another 38.
色狼、色女 - sex-obsessed person. The former is normally used for men, and of course the latter can only refer to women.
废柴 - seems this one is imported from Cantonese, refers to a useless person (无用之人).
禽兽 - beast, i.e. a person with no morality/humanity.

#48-58 are maomao2014's ways to insult people without swearing.
你长得挺有创意，活得挺有勇气，丑不是你的本意，是上帝在发脾气。 - Your appearance is very creative, your living is very brave, ugly isn't your original intention, it's God's anger (yeah... this one doesn't translate too well).
贱人永远都是贱人，就算经济危机了，你也贵不了！ - Worthless people will always be worthless, even in an economic crisis, you're still not worth anything.
遇事要先从自己身上找原因，别一拉不出屎就怪地球没有吸引力？ - When you hit a problem, you should first look for the cause in yourself, if you can't take a shit don't blame the earth for not having enough gravity.
和人接触的时间越长，我就越喜欢狗，狗永远是狗，人有时候不是人！ - The longer I spend in contact with people, the more I like dogs, because dogs are always dogs, but people sometimes aren't people!
思想有多远，你就滚多远；光速有多快，你就滚多快。 - However far the limits of thought are, fuck off that far away; however fast light can travel, fuck off that fast.
你一出门，千山鸟飞绝，万径人踪灭。 - As soon as you go out the door, a thousand birds fly away, and ten thousand people's footprints vanish.
把XX的照片贴墙上，白天避邪，晚上避孕。 - Put a photo of XX up on the wall, in the day it'll ward off evil spirits, in the night it'll prevent unwanted pregnancies [i.e. because it would put anyone off sex].
你是不是三鹿喝多了？ - Did you drink too much Sanlu [tainted baby formula involved in the 2008 scandal]?
你活着浪费空气，死了浪费土地，半死不活浪费RMB…… - Your life is a waste of air, your death will be a waste of earth, and if you're half-alive half-dead it's a waste of money.
你个不要脸的是不是以为四海之内皆你妈啊，谁都得惯着你！ - Is the reason you're so shameless because you assume everyone on earth is your mother and they all have to indulge you?
我觉得世界上就只有两种人能吸引人，一种是特漂亮的一种就是你这样的 - I think there are only two types of people who can attract others: one type is those who are very beautiful, and the other type is you.
头发长见识短 - (directed at someone with long hair) those with long hair have little knowledge.
此乃小儿之见 - this is the understanding of a small child, i.e. your thinking is foolish and immature (此乃：这就是。小儿：小孩。见：见解).
胡说 - confused-talk, i.e. nonsense, rubbish, bullshit.

Also commonly seen as “胡说八道” - eight paths of nonsense.
一派胡言 - same as “胡说”.
放屁 - farts, figuratively bullshit/nonsense (figurative meaning applies to all fart-related insults).
你放的屁，简直臭不可闻 - the fart you farted is simply too stinky to smell.
放你娘的屁 - fart your mother's fart.
放你娘的狗屁 - fart your mother's dog-fart.
朽木不可雕也，孺子不可教也 (the two halves can also be used separately) - you can't carve rotten wood, you can't teach [this] child. Something along the lines of “I can't teach you anything!” Seems that the first half is from the 论语, and the second half is a negation of “孺子可教” (from the 史记) made to fit the same pattern.
乌鸦嘴 - person who brings bad luck by tempting fate, for example by loudly mentioning the thing they hope doesn't happen.
闭上你那张臭嘴 - shut your filthy mouth.
妖精 - an attractive woman who dresses provocatively (implied sexual immorality).
丑八怪 - really ugly person.
长舌妇 - a female gossip.
小白脸 - toyboy; pretty-boy.
花瓶 - someone who's good-looking but empty-headed and lacking in ability.
东西、不是东西 - a mere thing, not even a person. I guess “不是东西” is even worse, because in this context “不是” implies “不如”.
没出息 - lacking in ambition and desire to improve, good-for-nothing.
姘头 - someone who has an affair outside of marriage, which I assume implies adulterer/adulteress.
我咒你小鸡鸡烂掉 - I curse your penis to go rotten.
妈了个巴子 - same as “妈了个逼”. Seems to originally be from Shanghai dialect, but used in other dialects as well.
婊子养的 - raised by a whore.
你吓老子 - according to realmayo, “I'm your daddy, and you're speaking out of your backside”.
你长得跟东海龙王一样 - you look like the East Sea Dragon King.

January 31, 2015 at 07:09 AM

I'll start.

An oldie but a goodie:
“乌龟王八蛋！”

January 31, 2015 at 07:25 AM

八婆

婊子

狐狸精

Are we only using things that one can call others, or are we also doing general offensive phrases?

January 31, 2015 at 07:36 AM

It can also be an offensive phrase. For instance:

“我咒你生孩子没屁眼！”

(I think it's from a film or something.)

January 31, 2015 at 08:37 AM

One of my favourites is 您, said in a thick Beijing accent, and dripping with scorn.

It's also subtle enough that the person being mocked may not even realise it.

January 31, 2015 at 10:24 AM

http://www.amazon.com/Dirty-Chinese-Everyday-Slang-Whats/dp/1569757275

http://www.amazon.com/Niubi-Chinese-Never-Taught-School/dp/0452295564/ref=pd_sim_b_1?ie=UTF8&refRID=06R0W8ERHFC0VEAKWXSF

January 31, 2015 at 11:49 AM

二百五？

January 31, 2015 at 01:06 PM

Grass mud horse?

January 31, 2015 at 01:10 PM

傻逼

January 31, 2015 at 01:15 PM

坏蛋

January 31, 2015 at 01:16 PM

白痴

January 31, 2015 at 01:17 PM

thanks for the thread d-duck.

At last some new words to replace the ubiquitous 坏蛋.

But could you all give some details, who called whom what, why, and what happened?

January 31, 2015 at 01:53 PM

神經病！

蠢豬！

有病！

你腦袋進水啦？

狗嘴裡吐不出象牙！

混蛋！

真是個榆木腦袋！

小屁孩一個！

你還乳臭(xiu4)未乾。

你算老幾？

你是哪根蔥？

撒泡尿照照自己！

瞧你那副德性！

德性！

癟三一個！

黃毛小子、黃毛丫頭

變態！

死變態！

蠢！

女人也沒你這麼婆媽！

你不要這麼娘娘腔好不好？

你是說那個娘娘腔嗎？

PS: I can think of a few others but they are too strong!

January 31, 2015 at 02:04 PM

OK, here is a classic one - 他媽的(媽的).

January 31, 2015 at 02:19 PM

飯桶！

廢物！

垃圾！

January 31, 2015 at 02:21 PM

http://qiwen.qianzhan.com/qnews/detail/432/141020-b2f63f28.html

An interesting read.

February 1, 2015 at 02:52 AM

But could you all give some details, who called whom what, why, and what happened?

Edited into first post.

February 1, 2015 at 03:02 AM

OK, here is a classic one - 他媽的(媽的).

I added all your others, but I don't think this is an insult, it's just an intensifier or an expletive. If you shout “妈的！”, you're not insulting anyone, you're expressing annoyance or anger.

My next addition (I'm gonna limit myself to one at a time): “装逼”.

February 1, 2015 at 06:04 AM

兔崽子

脓包

February 1, 2015 at 07:56 AM

傻瓜

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