Where to go after studying in China

[imron]

@abcdefg this was Tinder, AFTER he swiped right.

This actually doesn't mean anything.

 

From what I've heard, there are plenty of guys using Tinder who swipe right on *everyone*, because as Lu mentioned, it's a numbers game, and by swiping right on everyone they increase their chances of getting a match because it only requires the woman to indicate they are interested in them rather than for an actual match to happen.

[Guest realmayo]

"From what I've heard"

[imron]

Yep.  Never actually used Tinder myself, but I've read plenty of articles about it that pop up with semi-regularity on Hacker News, and people then follow on with discussions regarding the game-theory, mathematics and probabilities involved.

[Angelina]

如是我闻 hahaha , many men do that in real life too.

[roddy]

How much longer do you have to go on the degree? A couple of years in a place you aren't in love with won't kill you, and if you don't have a concrete idea of what to do next you're probably better off sticking with it. 

 

Take that offer of a trip to Hong Kong. It's not all malls and skyscrapers, you can enjoy some beaches, do a bit of hiking, get heat exhaustion, eat three meals a day from 7-11...

[abcdefg]

I agree with Dr. Roddy's prescription.

 

Just came back from Macau. Change of scenery is always beneficial. Helps with perspective. And the food in that region is sublime!

[Angelina]

I will see. I have to stay here until December or March. It's a bit complicated. I have so much stuff to consider. My passport is expiring in January. I am not sure if they can issue my degree by then.

Then money issues. I have some job offers, but my motivation is low. I accepted one offer, but didn't go to their 培训. I really can't get used to the way things are done around here. Like, the people I am supposed to work for, they did not talk to me about not attending the training, they talked to the person who hired me, this one talked to the person who recommended me. It's a soap opera. It's the same with school. I found one interesting course from a different department. I did not show up often. Same. The professor talked to my 导师 instead of talking to me. It's so 麻烦. And I am starting to care less and less. It's all feels like I am wasting my time.

It's not that I don't love China, I love my field and learning Mandarin has been useful. Not to mention the problems in my country. I just don't feel like I have ever been passionate about Chinese culture in particular.

Also, the job offer I mentioned, the commute from where I live is at least an hour and a half, bus + 地铁, if traffic is good, maybe even longer. They said they can find a new place for me, but it's not convenient at all. No kitchen. Less access to the school canteen too. Maybe I should find a better offer.

It's the same with dating, I have had Chinese boyfriends, met their families, hm, a Chinese family looks pretty much like a Chinese 单位: suffocating. They were all nice to me at the beginning, but I don't feel like I belong there. Some people are amazing. I hope maybe one day I won't feel alienated anymore. Also, they (boyfriends, families, people at my school) have been trying to do everything they can to accommodate me, but there is only so much they can do.

Oh and my residence permit is expiring in a few days and I am about to apply for an extension. Can you go to Hong Kong with the little receipt they give you while your passport is at their office? I guess not. Maybe I should wait until I get my passport back in a couple of weeks.

[roddy]

No, you'd need to wait till you get the passport back - that slip is meant to be good for within China, but it won't get you across the Hong Kong border. Start 'Angelina's R&R in HK' topic and folk'll make recommendations for stuff to do. I'll happily give you a few hiking and beach tips. 

 

Sounds like you're in a bit of a malaise. Getting exercise? Got hobbies? 

[Angelina]

Oh I have been to Hong Kong before. I like Stanley. I also paid for that boat ride on Lantau Island, but didn't see any dolphins. Is that a scam?

Maybe I should go to Taiwan.

[roddy]

Taiwan's also a great option. Not sure what boat ride you mean, but dolphins can be elusive. 

[Lu]

Life in China can be draining and you sound quite drained. Try to make sure you eat well (fruit & veggies and such), get some exercise, and do some things you reliably enjoy.

 

You should be able to get a new passport without going home, through your embassy. This is a bit mafan but a lot less mafan than going home. There can be good reasons for breaking off your studies early, but an expiring passport shouldn't be one of them.

 

Good luck!

[Angelina]

@Roddy There was a short boat ride advertised as "you can see cute pink dolphins swimming around in their natural habitat ", but we didn't see any.

@Lu What should I do? Apply for a residence permit now, get my passport back, travel, and then go to Beijing to get a new passport? What will happen with my existing residence permit? I mean my future existing residence permit. Someone once mentioned how his residence permit was on his old passport, so he had to use both passports.

[Lu]

If your residence permits expires in a few days, renew that first (or extend it, you probably already know what to do).

If your passport expires in January, renew it in December. Ask the relevant office of your university what to do about the residence permit/visa that are in the old passport. Perhaps you need to keep the old passport, or perhaps there is some kind of sticker you can get, or some other solution. You're not the first person with a passport that expires before the visa does, and there are perfectly good ways to resolve this. I've never had this happen personally and don't know the exact solution, but ask around a bit.

[roddy]

It's Hong Kong. The dolphins were probably shopping, or having a baked potato at Delifrance. 

 

Once you've got your new passport, go to the PSB and see if they want to transfer it across to the new passport, or if they tell you to just hold on to the old passport and use that. I'd prefer to have it put into the new one - the PSB might think it's fine, but it's something hotel staff and border guards might not be familiar with and so cause delays. 

 

Also: Hey, Lu, have you noticed Angelina is ignoring our questions about exercise and hobbies? Do you think she's holed up in her dorm room eating off-brand Pringles and spending every waking hour on the Internet?

[Angelina]

I know, I am having problems with motivation.

I like yoga and other stuff, but getting lazy right now. No Pringles.

[Lu]

I don't know how Angelina spends her days, but she sounds unhappy and I hope she can find the energy and resolve to change some small things in her life so she can feel better. But even if she is holed up her in her dorm room I'm too far away to do something about it.

 

Angelina: it sounds like you're in a bit of a vicious circle: feeling not so great, but not enough motivation/energy to do something about it, which leads to feeling not so great, which leads to little energy/motivation, etcetera. Try to change one or two habits. Go for a walk every day and pat yourself on the back once you've done that. While you're outside walking anyway, buy some fruit and eat it. And tell your friend you'll go with her to HK, once you've committed it might get easier to actually do it.

[Angelina]

I committed to a job last week. Read #67 paragraphs 2 and 4. Now I don't even know if I still have the job. Not sure if I like their company culture either.

[Lu]

In my experience, when one feels unhappy and doesn't quite know how to change that, it's best to just plod on until one figures that out. So, call up the job and if you're still in, go do it. Worst case scenario is you won't like it, and since that's what you're expecting, things can only exceed your expectations.

 

That is my advice.

[Angelina]

I was going to talk about someone else's experience, but I better not.

[Angelina]

Thanks Lu.

The others too