Chinese women are gold diggers?

[Messidor]

All due respect, but are you American born Chinese? You pattern of discourse sounds quite "chinese" to me, so (I guess) Roddy seemed to have interpreted it in another way (western way)...

I think there's truth and bias as well in their opinions ---- but when a slice of truth was blended with bias, it'll be confusing and dangerous.

1) I know two girls in the college who dated foreigners for gifts and s-e-x, and they confidently admitted it ;

2) There are several stereotypes of Chinese and a biased backdrop that mainland Chinese are indigent so they are so avid to emigrate (there are various versions of the biased backdrop from mild ones to ridiculous examples like the news in Taiwan (which reported that Chinese are not able to afford an egg...though there's a small portion of unfortunate Chinese in the hinterland truly lagged behind) )

 

So when a white girl dates an ordinary white man, she is just another white girl, and when a Chinese girl dates an ordinary white man, she's more likely to be labeled as a gold digger, even both of them weigh the personality, wealth and values in the same way.

I believe there are people with enough wisdom to abandon those biases, and it's undeniable that there are people who aren't fortunate enough to acquire reflection on the biases. Of course all human have double / triple / multiple standards, but some may have done a little better, just like 95 and 59 are different scores in a test.

 

Just to show I'm not condemning Americans, I should give another example I experienced: when a wealthy old man has died in the town (mainland), people praised his humble funeral, "Oh, he has thrifty and wise sons !" Two months later a poor man died of diseases and his money was all spent on medicines, people secretly talked about and laughed at his humble funeral, "Oh, what a humble and indecorous funeral, he has a son without filial devotion !"

 

sorry for my lame English and that I can't express my opinion as delicately as I can in Chinese

[Messidor]

Stereotype is a technique that human developed to cope with the ocean of information in this world, and as a technique it is imperfect (sometimes its imperfection leads to disasters). So in order to describe an unknown foreigner, a Chinese MAY depict a French romantic, an American straightforward, an Englishman gentle etc.. That's human [shrug]

So the biased groups or minorities have to strive harder to be treated equally, as the women did for gender equality, the black did for ethnic equality and the LGBT are doing for sexuality-gender equality. Maybe it's somewhat ironic to direct one's life according to others' beliefs, but as a living thing with various desires in this temporal world, we are forced to behave

[Angelina]

As far as I can tell, OP is not asking whether there is a stereotype for Chinese women being gold diggers.

She is asking whether American people will perceive her as a gold digger because she is Chinese AND she considers financial stability important when choosing a partner.

You know the old saying: when in Rome...

[AngelinaLu]

@Angelina: Yes, I get what you mean. I am married to a non-Chinese man myself, and I experience firsthand how unassuming he is with gifts. I love that fact about him, but I also cannot say anything bad about the materialism going on in China because it has been like that there for ages, and it will be like trying to bend the bark of an oak tree if I even try to change that.

[AngelinaLu]

@Shelley: Hi, sorry I haven't been around for some days, but I am back now.
 

I see that there are quite a lot of views here, and I am fascinated to see everyone's opinion about this. True, we cannot brand anyone based on how they deal with things because we do not know their reason behind it. I respect that a lot.

[AngelinaLu]

@Carlo:I absolutely agree with you. Wanting a better life is great, as long as it does not require you or anyone to commit a crime. In one article I read online <admin edit: link removed> it says there that money truly matters to Chinese women, but it is not the main thing that matters. I know; I am a Chinese woman myself.

[Messidor]

@Angelina

sorry for my tortuous chinese pattern of discourse. As A.Lu wrote what is wrong with looking for a man who is responsible and does not have to be fed and clothed by a woman, my opinion is that there's nothing wrong with weighing the financial capability of the lover; the condemnation partly results from stereotypes of Chinese young female. And by discussing about stereotypes I didn't mean that I shall condemn the Americans nor American culture. And by the paragraph of biased group I was trying to imply that either a Chinese young female (and other minorities) try to gain a decent career to quench the gold-digger rumor or simply ignore them.

 

I felt the rudeness of the straightforwardness of this post...

[Silent]

 

 

If all she is after is his money, then yes she is a gold digger, if she wants financial stability as well as love that is just sensible.

The point is it's not black and white, there are few that only care about the money, there are few that only care about love/personality. It's a mixed bag with individual priorities.

[Shelley]

The point is it's not black and white, there are few that only care about the money, there are few that only care about love/personality. It's a mixed bag with individual priorities.

 

Yes I agree, there are as many variations of this as there are people, but we do need an agreed definition of the term "gold digger" and this is the one that makes sense to me.

[AngelinaLu]

@Shelley I totally get you. My only point here is to get your views about this, so thank you.

[Shelley]

If you only want our point of view, what are you going to do with it?

[AngelinaLu]

@Messidor I was born and raised in Shanghai. I am in China now to visit my folks, but I will fly back to the US soon. I have been married to a Canadian for a few years now, and so I have seen how different some things are in the West.

[AngelinaLu]

@shelley : I have no use for it at the moment,   other than knowing what other people possibly think about this topic. I am just a curious person in general.

[Messidor]

@AngelinaLu

I agree. I noticed cultural difference even in this thread, and also disparity among individuals.

 

Nowadays in China, a young lady without her own income sources will find herself disliked in the marriage market even in the rural areas. The old "good" days for single ladies are gone because of the exorbitant price to maintain a family and to raise child(ren)...

[ablindwatchmaker]

 

Nowadays in China, a young lady without her own income sources will find herself disliked in the marriage market even in the rural areas.

 

This gets at the essence of the distinction. If you are living in a rich country, have average to above average income, your partner is in the same range, and this is a deal breaker for you, then I would consider that gold digging no matter where you are. Gold digging is at its most obvious when a woman is dating someone who is WAY below her level in physical attractiveness. I will say that I do see this among Asian women, in America as well, more often than in other groups. There are days when I am on campus and just shocked at the disparities between partners, and it saddens me that the guys aren't aware. The reason people instinctively look down on it is because they know that the woman is not even physically attracted to the guy, doesn't care about the personality much, and yet is willing to sleep with him for money and status. These women are also less loyal as well, and there is a high probability that they will cheat because they still want the raw passion that comes from genuine attraction and will go find it outside of the relationship. I can't tell you how many women I know who did this and later regretted it (not the cheating). Once you have the nice house, nice car, and stable life, then realize you don't like the guy you are sleeping next to, you will have some serious regrets. Hopefully the obsession with social status will taper down a bit with time, but maybe not. 

 

My advice? Date the guy that makes you FEEL good. Don't think about it too much. Your instincts are more trustworthy than you think.

[Lu]

There are days when I am on campus and just shocked at the disparities between partners, and it saddens me that the guys aren't aware.

Why do you think the guys aren't aware? Perhaps they know exactly what their partner is seeing in them and are just enjoying the attention of an attractive woman. Superficial, yes, and perhaps it won't make them happy in the long run, but it's not hard to imagine what they are getting out of the arrangement.

 

As to status, it goes both ways. The man is showing that he's rich and succesfull enough to date/marry a beautiful young woman, the woman is showing she's beautiful enough to date/marry a rich succesfull man.

[陳德聰]

I think Lu raises a very good point. Just recently in town there was a horrible murder of an extremely wealthy man. It is now coming out that he potentially fathered multiple children with various women without marrying any of them, and they all may have claim to some of his estate since he did not have a will. Something tells me some of these women may have been interested in him because of his money, but we can't pretend that he didn't understand that he was throwing his money at them and expecting love in return.

 

Maybe that's a slightly different issue. But let's not get all high-and-mighty pretending that we don't consider finances in "The West" (read: North America) when such a large number of divorces are because of financial issues.

[ablindwatchmaker]

 

Why do you think the guys aren't aware? Perhaps they know exactly what their partner is seeing in them and are just enjoying the attention of an attractive woman.

 

Assuming the qualifications I've established, they are most likely unaware. We are talking about guys under 22 who were nerds in high school and couldn't so much as get an attractive woman to kiss them (young girls are more similar to men when they are younger, though not the same, in terms of what they find attractive). All of a sudden attractive women want to date them and they are completely clueless as to what is happening because they are so emotionally stoked--the guys who are aware have their fun and move on and continue being players or they find a well balanced partner. In my experience, couples where the people are of comparable attractiveness, with the girl usually a little better looking, work better and are more natural. Basically, a financially secure, good looking and socially aware guy with a highly attractive woman makes complete sense and in those cases it makes no sense to label such a girl as a gold digger.

 

 

As to status, it goes both ways. The man is showing that he's rich and succesfull enough to date/marry a beautiful young woman

 

I'm not sure what you mean, but if you are suggesting that men are placing any significant value on status in these situations, I have to respectfully disagree. To the extent that they do, it is in order to manipulate other women into sleeping with them. Men really don't place a very high value on a woman's status or bank account. The vast majority couldn't care less.

 

 

but we can't pretend that he didn't understand that he was throwing his money at them and expecting love in return.

 

That's exactly what he was doing, and more power to him. If people want to engage in what is essentially prostitution on both sides, so be it.

 

 

But let's not get all high-and-mighty pretending that we don't consider finances in "The West" (read: North America) when such a large number of divorces are because of financial issues.

 

In one direction only. Men break up with women for different reasons. Lack of income is rarely the reason, for men.

 

To the OP's question, I think it would be okay to have some kind of income requirement, even an above average one, as long as the girl is not placing such emphasis on the difference between 60k and 80k a year that she is willing to sacrifice a whole bunch of other traits just to get the guy with the higher bank account.

There are other cases where I acknowledge that it is okay, like when the woman makes a lot of money and wants to live life accordingly. Honestly it just depends. Everyone knows it when they see it. I will be honest and say that I detect this behavior in Chinese women in much higher percentages than in other groups and I act accordingly in the dating world. For instance, I only seriously date Chinese women who are from wealthy backgrounds to avoid this problem.

[imron]

I only seriously date Chinese women who are from wealthy backgrounds to avoid this problem.

Hilarious.

[ablindwatchmaker]

@imron

 

It actually started out as an accident. I noticed that most of the women I was encountering were from much better backgrounds than myself and had no trouble getting abroad to work and/or go to school. My friend pointed out that it was a really good way to screen for gold diggers, so I've just operated like that since. That's not to say that I wouldn't date a poorer Chinese woman, but the point is that I can screen out manipulators more easily by exclusively dating more well off Chinese women. In other words, women who don't need me for anything other than what they should.

 

It's definitely hilarious, given the topic of discussion