I screwed up - Advice on how best to deal with a situation

[GotJack]

Hi chaps,

 

 

 

Thanks for your input

[889]

You should, as soon as possible, meet with the highest-ranking person you know in China. I gather that is your professor (and of course it would be best if he is a full professor, not some TA).

He will already know what happened, but don't let on that you know that he knows; explain what happened from the start. Make clear your contrition, your fear about your future, and your willingness to compensate for the damage. Then, do not ask him to intervene in your case with the school's security officials. Instead, ask him for his advice; ask him to tell you how he thinks you should best proceed. He'll probably say he needs some time to think about it. And in a couple of days he'll come back and tell you where you stand, but perhaps in a Chinese way which will require you to be exceptionally alert to nuances. Bear in mind throughout that your misbehaviour reflects badly on your professor, since he has a degree of responsibility for you.

 

In situations like this, China is very big on confessions. You should be prepared to write at some length about what you did, explain why it was wrong and hurtful, and undertake never to engage in such stupidity again.

 

Unless among your friends there is someone with high contacts, I don't see much point in spreading a wide net on this. Basically, your fate lies in the hands of your professor, though he will never let on that this is the case.

 

Finally, that you "got caught by the campus security the next day" doesn't sound like a good way of demonstrating contrition. I certainly hope you confessed immediately and didn't hesitate to acknowledge your responsibility.

 

(The security departments of large state organisations like universities maintain very close ties with the PSB; for all practical purposes you should consider them one and the same, even if technically separate.)

[CH09]

Well, your case may or may not be forgiven depends on your university and the responsible office or person that will investigate your case. Your behavior wasn't appropriate. You caused some effects there and you have to fix it. Weather they're going to report that to the police or the people who you talked to could be from police, nobody knows that and nobody can predict it. If you didn't receive a notice from police yet, I don't think hypothetically they'll report your case to the police. If you caught by police doing that, damaging properties you'll be still held by them at least for one day. I think they're trying to terrify you. Whatever, you should apologize and I suggest (you sign an agreement that this is not going to happen again) with your university and pay for what you damaged. This is the most appropriate way in my opinion. 

[CH09]

I agree with what 899 said

[Angelina]

Call me!

The problem is that the ebike might have exploded or something. Even the rules for charging ebikes on campus are strict because of safety issues. Try putting people's lives in danger in any country and you will be in trouble. At least you did not do it intentionally. Whatever you do, never mention how you don't think this was serious and how in your country this won't be a problem.

[vellocet]

Exploding e-bike?  The only thing exploding is the market for e-bikes.  And he didn't do it intentionally?  He absolutely did it intentionally.  Why else is he here confessing and asking what he should do?  People don't suddenly become drunk and change dramatically...all that happens is that they are more prone to do things they already want to do.  And if you ask me, there is something in British people that makes them want to destroy things after drinking.  I've seen it happen too many times in China and other countries' people don't do it. 

 

Advice for the original poster: fortunately for you, China has the cultural concept of the "self-criticism".  Figure out how to write one and I'm sure you'll be fine. 

[Silent]

 

and other countries' people don't do it.

Yeah keep on dreaming. People of all nationalities do stupid things when they are drunk.

[ChTTay]

He's right! Have you never been out in Britain over the weekend? From 4am on a Friday and Saturday, there are bikes in all our numerous city fountains, flaming upturned cars, toilet doors ripped off and thrown into the street, sometimes even the toilets themselves! Then the bins are kicked over and the contents strewn across the road. There are leftover kebabs everywhere!

It's great!

[GotJack]

Thanks for the advice people. All appreciated. 889 I will go see my professor today, who is also the head of department. Hopefully he will be understanding as I have had a good relationship with him now for nearly three years, and only around a week ago received 优秀 on my thesis defence.

[anonymoose]

As far as I know, all universities in China have a PSB on campus. Their presence ensures that students don't engage in any political activities.

 

I agree with 889's advice. Just show you are contrite and offer to cover all costs. It may or may not work, but I feel it's your best chance.

 

It is all to easy to say I was drunk, I know , but I was drunk, and i dont believe this is indicative of me as a person overall.

 

Just accept that it is indicative of you as a person - you chose to get drunk, so you are entirely accountable for the consequences. If you want to be considered a responsible person, then either learn to behave when drunk, or failing that, don't get drunk in the first place.

[GotJack]

"Just accept that it is indicative of you as a person"  Yes, your right. This a single event is indicative of me as a complete person.

 

This is why legal systems across the world do not take into account character statements, the details of situations or context. They simply paint it black and white. No manslaughter, just murder. No degrees, no complexity. Just British loutishness and character judgement from one post on a forum. Fortunately for me however, my professor has a more nuanced understanding of the world than that, and was supportive in light of the larger picture, suggesting that the jail comment is in all likelihood a threat.

 

I will reiterate however for anoymoose and vellocet, it was a stupid thing to do, and a big reminder that (especially in a foreign country) you shouldn't act as I have done.

[889]

I guess I blinked and missed the appearance of the baying mob here. I thought we were all pretty supportive.

As to drunkeness and your responsibility, the point is simple and important to understand in the Chinese context. In some cultures, "it was the drink that did it" is acceptable, or at least understood, as an excuse for bad behaviour. But in China it's not, so don't even think of playing that card. Alerting you to this cultural difference was intended to be helpful.

As to jail, jail in the formal sense would indeed be very unusual in a case like yours.

But the PSB have broad powers to impose detention, and in the case of hooliganism with property damage, five to ten days of detention would not be unusual.

 

I assume you and your friend will be treated alike, so how he's dealing with this can affect you as well.

[roddy]

Sounds like you've got the right 态度, which is very important - be contrite, 'fess up, and make amends if possible. However it also sounds like the best opportunity to do that might have been when you were getting talked at for four hours. I'd recommend apologies to all concerned - security guys, whoever the bike belongs to, any academic or admin staff that have had to get involved - but also if you can figure out who it is that makes the decision on what happens and express regret and a willingness to accept whatever's coming your way. Maybe in writing - officialdom loves things in writing...

[GotJack]

889 your response was great and very helpful and I followed it to the tee, apologies if I did not mention this. Additionally of course I am responsible, apologies if I failed to communicate this.

That response above was to the question of whether this event described in a single post on a Internet forum was indicative of my overall character (which another poster suggested). Which I disagree with. That and the generalisation that only British people have an issue with alcohol induced misbehaviour.

[shuoshuo]

Hmm... to be honest, your description of yourself does not coincide with other people's opinion of you. I've seen a lot of students do crazy things on campus whether they are drunk or not. Dumping an ebike in a pond isn't the worst thing.

My personal suggestion is this:

Replace the ebike you destroyed.

Go to the head or dean of the international student's department and explain the situation. Appear as sincere and remorseful as possible. Beg the dean to talk to the campus police vouching for you. Plead with them not to take it to the higher level officials.

[jiasen]

The truth is we've all been there mate. Not necessary exactly the same as your situation, but we've all done stupid stuff at one time or another. The most important thing is you learn from it and move on.

 

As for your immediate dilemma, my gut instinct is you will end up being fine. They are just trying to scare you so you learn from it for next time. China as a society still retains much of its Confucian past, where the strict heirarchial nature of relationships is balanced by a strong sense of responsibility placed on those who hold the power. Here the teaching staff are playing a parenting role to make you aware of how your actions have consequences. There may also be a couple of nasty people who want to give you a hard time, however I doubt they themselves have the power to jail or deport you.

 

Anyway the other posters have given you good advice on how to handle it. I just wanted to reassure you that if you follow their steps and avoid getting defensive at all costs, you'll be fine.

[CH09]

I sometimes read in the news some drunk people lost all their money. Sometimes they lost their job, wives, life... as long as the situation can be fixed, this is not the end of the world. 

[Angelina]

Every situation can be fixed ☺️

[shuoshuo]

In other countries, at the first sign of trouble our initial step would be to get a lawyer and let them handle everything. When we're in China, we forget the basics because we're a bunch of "laowai" who can get away with anything if we appear likeable.

[Shelley]

I wonder how it went?