A Few Grammar & Format Dillemas

[AlexanderLivius]

Finals have arrived!

One of the final assignments is to compose a brief letter in Chinese to the professor that describes the events of my summer.

So long as the grammar and word choice is plausible, you receive full credit.

I have tried my best to do so, but as a beginner, I have ran into a few dilemmas.

I would really appreciate it if any intermediate or advanced students out there could help me resolves these issues.

I am embarrassed to ask you all for help, but a poor grade would be even more embarrassing.

Here is the letter in all it's glory.

I have highlighted in red constructions/word choice I am unsure about.

(although I might have made mistakes I am unaware of.)

您好!

Greetings!

这个夏天又忙又有意思！

This summer was both busy and interesting.

我6月1日到了洛杉矶去第一次见我女朋友妈妈和爸爸。她们在小西贡住。到以前，我又紧张又害怕。可是认识她们以后，我放心了。虽然我女朋友妈妈和爸爸都只说越南文，但是我跟他们能开心了。我们不但去了面包店喝波霸奶茶，而且在家唱卡拉。我觉得小西贡很好玩儿。我在她们家住了一个月半. 我希望寒假回去。

On June 1st I went to Los Angeles to meet my girlfriend's mother and father for the first time, they live in Little Saigon(a neighborhood in LA).  Before I arrived, I was both nervous and scared, but after I got to know them, we got along well. Although my girlfriend's parents only speak Vietnamese, I was still able to have a good time with them. We not only went out to a bakery to have boba, but also sang karaoke at home. I think Little Saigon is very fun. I stayed at their house for a month and a half. I hope to return for winter break.

我7月16日坐了地铁去圣地牙哥看我姥姥。到时候,我姥姥送了我她的家吃午饭。她做了一些好吃的德国菜。我在她家住了两个周。每天我都坐公共汽车去图书馆，因为我姥姥没有电脑。我姥姥的家好是好，可是那儿一台电风扇也没有。圣地牙哥天气非常闷热。

On July sixteenth I took a train to San Diego to visit my grandmother(maternal). When I arrived, my grandmother gave me a ride to her house to have lunch; she made some delicious German food. I stayed at her house for two weeks. Becuase my grandmother does not have a computer, I caught a bus to the library everyday(I was there).

My grandmother's house is nice and all, but she does not have a single fan! The weather in San Diego is hot and stiffling.

舊金山比圣地牙哥更暖和。7月30日我坐了飞机去舊金山看我好朋友。

我到了时候，好朋友在飞机场见我。我们住了三天便宜的饭店。这个饭店离飞机场不远。我门看了四部日本电影，去了日本商店，吃了五次日本菜。他真喜欢日本的东西。我觉得他很好玩.

The weather in San Francisco is even warmer than San Diego. On July 30th I caught a plane to San Fransico to see my good friend. My good friend met me at the airport when I arrived. We stayed at a hotel for three days. This hotel was not far from the airport. We watched four Japanese films, went to a Japanese shop, and ate Japanese food five times. He really likes Japanese stuff. I think he is quite an amusing guy.

8月3日我坐了飞机回家。回家回得很难，因为我家在离西雅图很近的岛上。晚上11点才到家. 我在家起住来了以后，我跟妹妹玩儿。我们先看了一起电视再聊天儿。我妹妹又好玩有聪明女孩子。8月14日是我弟弟十七岁生日。我妈妈和爸爸不但做了蛋糕，而且送礼物,我弟弟很幸运。虽然去家非常麻烦，可是在家很值得。

On August 3rd I caught a plane home (home of my nuclear family). Returning home is difficult because my family lives on an island near Seattle. It was not until 11pm at night that I finally made it to the house. After I started staying at the house, I hung out with my little sister. We first watched T.V., afterwards we chatted. My little sister is both fun and intelligent. On August 14th, my little brother celebrated his 17th birthday. My parents not only made a cake, but also gave a gift; my brother is quite lucky. Even though getting home is so troublesome, being home is worth it.

上周末我在新公寓起住来。这套公寓不但离校园不远，而且很清静。这儿对学习很合适. 我的作业做好以后，我喜欢跟女朋友看戏说剧.我觉得每天我只学习和看电视。我爱我的公寓.

Last weekend I started living at my new apartment. This apartment is not only close to campus, but is also quite quiet; It is an excellent place for studying. Whenever I finish my homework, I like to watch historical dramas with my girlfriend. It feels like every day I do nothing but study and watch television. I love my apartment.

希望早日得到您的答复。

I hope you will reply soon(Is this the correct sign off for an email?)

~Alex

[Shelley]

Its in a very small font, I don't know how to make it bigger, it makes it very tiring to read and sometimes too difficult to read the characters.

 

Can you repost it in a bigger font?

 

This font is in 14 and I wouldn't go any smaller than this for characters, looks like yours is 10.

 

P.S. I am not sure this is very "brief" not sure what is meant by "brief" for your exam but for me 1 or 2 maybe 3 paragraphs and opening and closing greetings would be "brief" Have they given you a word count to aim for? It might just seem long because it has both English and Chinese.

[AlexanderLivius]

Hi Shelly!

Between half a page and a full page.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

[AlexanderLivius]

Better?

 

您好!

Greetings!

这个夏天又忙又有意思！

This summer was both busy and interesting.

我6月1日到了洛杉矶去第一次见我女朋友妈妈和爸爸。她们在小西贡住。到以前，我又紧张又害怕。可是认识她们以后，我放心了。虽然我女朋友妈妈和爸爸都只说越南文，但是我跟他们能开心了。我们不但去了面包店喝波霸奶茶，而且在家唱卡拉。我觉得小西贡很好玩儿。我在她们家住了一个月半. 我希望寒假回去。

On June 1st I went to Los Angeles to meet my girlfriend's mother and father for the first time, they live in Little Saigon(a neighborhood in LA).  Before I arrived, I was both nervous and scared, but after I got to know them, we got along well. Although my girlfriend's parents only speak Vietnamese, I was still able to have a good time with them. We not only went out to a bakery to have boba, but also sang karaoke at home. I think Little Saigon is very fun. I stayed at their house for a month and a half. I hope to return for winter break.

我7月16日坐了地铁去圣地牙哥看我姥姥。到时候,我姥姥送了我她的家吃午饭。她做了一些好吃的德国菜。我在她家住了两个周。每天我都坐公共汽车去图书馆，因为我姥姥没有电脑。我姥姥的家好是好，可是那儿一台电风扇也没有。圣地牙哥天气非常闷热。

On July sixteenth I took a train to San Diego to visit my grandmother(maternal). When I arrived, my grandmother gave me a ride to her house to have lunch; she made some delicious German food. I stayed at her house for two weeks. Becuase my grandmother does not have a computer, I caught a bus to the library everyday(I was there).

My grandmother's house is nice and all, but she does not have a single fan! The weather in San Diego is hot and stiffling.

舊金山比圣地牙哥更暖和。7月30日我坐了飞机去舊金山看我好朋友。

我到了时候，好朋友在飞机场见我。我们住了三天便宜的饭店。这个饭店离飞机场不远。我门看了四部日本电影，去了日本商店，吃了五次日本菜。他真喜欢日本的东西。我觉得他很好玩.

The weather in San Francisco is even warmer than San Diego. On July 30th I caught a plane to San Fransico to see my good friend. My good friend met me at the airport when I arrived. We stayed at a hotel for three days. This hotel was not far from the airport. We watched four Japanese films, went to a Japanese shop, and ate Japanese food five times. He really likes Japanese stuff. I think he is quite an amusing guy.

8月3日我坐了飞机回家。回家回得很难，因为我家在离西雅图很近的岛上。晚上11点才到家. 我在家起住来了以后，我跟妹妹玩儿。我们先看了一起电视再聊天儿。我妹妹又好玩有聪明女孩子。8月14日是我弟弟十七岁生日。我妈妈和爸爸不但做了蛋糕，而且送礼物,我弟弟很幸运。虽然去家非常麻烦，可是在家很值得。

On August 3rd I caught a plane home (home of my nuclear family). Returning home is difficult because my family lives on an island near Seattle. It was not until 11pm at night that I finally made it to the house. After I started staying at the house, I hung out with my little sister. We first watched T.V., afterwards we chatted. My little sister is both fun and intelligent. On August 14th, my little brother celebrated his 17th birthday. My parents not only made a cake, but also gave a gift; my brother is quite lucky. Even though getting home is so troublesome, being home is worth it.

上周末我在新公寓起住来。这套公寓不但离校园不远，而且很清静。这儿对学习很合适. 我的作业做好以后，我喜欢跟女朋友看戏说剧.我觉得每天我只学习和看电视。我爱我的公寓.

Last weekend I started living at my new apartment. This apartment is not only close to campus, but is also quite quiet; It is an excellent place for studying. Whenever I finish my homework, I like to watch historical dramas with my girlfriend. It feels like every day I do nothing but study and watch television. I love my apartment.

希望早日得到您的答复。

I hope you will reply soon(Is this the correct sign off for an email?)

[Shelley]

Yes, looks easier to read.

[dwq]

Just a few quick points I noticed, not all of them:

> 到时候,我姥姥送了我她的家吃午饭。

到时候 is the customary way of saying "When the time is right", which is not what you're trying to say. 到了的时候 works, but we don't use ... 的时候 much actually. e.g. 到了机场的时候 is the same as 到了机场, the "when" is implied.

送了我她的家 is not the way to say "gave you a ride to her house", it sounds like she gave you her house. You need 送(了)我到她的家.

Try omitting 到时候 altogether and say 我姥姥驾车从车站送(了)我到她的家吃午饭。

> 我在她家住了两个周。

两个星期 or 两周, can't use 个 with 周.

> 我到了时候，好朋友在飞机场见我。

Can't omit the 的 in 到了的时候. 见 sounds like you just have a meeting with your friends at the airport and then disbanded. 迎接 would be better.

> 晚上11点才到家. 我在家起住来了以后，我跟妹妹玩儿。

起住来 is grammatically wrong; it is 住起来.

You can use 父母家 to describe the home of your parents, using just 家 is confusing.

> 我妹妹又好玩有聪明女孩子。

Missing verb. The second 又 is wrong. Missing 的.

[Shelley]

Why the down votes? If I knew why I could avoid doing it again, just down voting with no explanation doesn't help me to know what I did wrong.

 

Thanks to the person who negated them.

[Demonic_Duck]

Welp, someone downvoted you again Shelley. Will vote back up because I don't think it's deserved and whoever it was still didn't explain why they downvoted. If I could hazard a guess, it'd be because you didn't offer corrections for the OP's essay (and also because it's easy enough to enlarge text in your browser yourself using Ctrl + plus key).

 

@OP: I'm not going to extensively go through it, partly because I think that's basically your teacher's job not ours. A couple of things stood out, though:

• You've mostly used simplified characters, so “舊金山” sticks out like a sore thumb.
• I think “波霸奶茶” is only used in Taiwan. Mainlanders may even find it amusing because “波霸” can be used as a slang term for boobs (presumably also a loanword?) If your professor isn't Taiwanese, I'd recommend switching it for “珍珠奶茶”.
• In a couple of places, you've used western-style punctuation (. ,) instead of Chinese punctuation (。，). This is a very small, seemingly insignificant thing that nevertheless marks your text out as non-native, no matter how well written it is in other respects. The minimal effort required to make sure your punctuation is of the correct type is worth it every time, especially if you ever hope to use Chinese in professional or high-level academic contexts (I dread to think how many highly qualified Chinese people have been turned down for jobs in English-speaking workplaces because their CV contained a stray 。 or ，).
• I disagree with dwq that you can't use “个” with “周”. “n周” and “n个星期/n个礼拜” might be more common, but “n个周” is also sometimes used.

[Shelley]

Thanks Demonic Duck.

 

I guess you are right about why, but now that you have explained to me how to with Ctrl+  I will have the tools to do it next time.

 

Once it was enlarged I read through some of it and decided that it was above my level and that I couldn't offer any help, I supposed I should have said as much to the OP.

 

Oh well, we live and learn.

[L-F-J]

妈妈和爸爸 is an English way to say mom and dad. Chinese usually say 爸爸妈妈. Dad first and no "and".

 

第一次见我女朋友妈妈和爸爸 >>> 跟我女朋友的爸爸妈妈初次见面。

 

在小西贡住 >>> 住在小西贡。

 

Get along well = 合得来／相处得很好/融洽。

Have a good time = 过得愉快／玩得开心。

 

越南文 is the written language. You want to say 我女朋友的爸爸妈妈只会说越南语.

 

地铁 is a subway or metro line, usually underground and not usually a long distance, intercity train. You probably took a 火车?

 

去家 >>> 回家。 家 is your home base and you always return to it even if you say "go" in English.

 

这儿对学习很合适 >>> 这儿的环境很适合学习。

 

希望早日得到您的答复 >>> You can say that, but it kind of sounds like you're awaiting a client's formal response on some issue.

 

You could just say 期待您的回复, as "looking forward to your reply".

[BanZhiYun]

All the above suggestions should be helpful enough I suppose. But do you know the formal way of writing a letter in China? Aka:

尊敬的.....老师：
  您好！
  <Insert  your content here>
   此致
   敬礼！
                                                                   <Your Name>
                                                                       <Date>

[AlexanderLivius]

Hey guys,

thanks for the help and discussion.

 

It was probably good that no one offered corrections immediately,

I pulled an all-nighter the night before the deadline; I scored well. 

[gsxlm]

您好!

Greetings!

这个夏天（过得）又忙又有意思！

 

我6月1日到了洛杉矶去第一次见我女朋友妈妈和爸爸。她们在小西贡住。到以前，我又紧张又害怕。可是认识她们以后，我放心了。虽然我女朋友妈妈和爸爸都只说越南文，但是我跟他们能开心了。我们不但去了面包店喝波霸奶茶，而且在家唱卡拉。我觉得小西贡很好玩儿。我在她们家住了一个月半. 我希望寒假回去。

我6月1日到洛杉矶第一次去拜见我女朋友的父母。她们住在小西贡。到以前，我又紧张又害怕。可是认识她们以后，我放心了。虽然我女朋友的父母只说越南文，但是我跟他们处得很开心。我们去面包店喝波霸奶茶，在家唱卡拉。我觉得小西贡很好玩。我在她们家住了一个半月. 我希望寒假回去。

On June 1st I went to Los Angeles to meet my girlfriend's mother and father for the first time, they live in Little Saigon(a neighborhood in LA).  Before I arrived, I was both nervous and scared, but after I got to know them, we got along well. Although my girlfriend's parents only speak Vietnamese, I was still able to have a good time with them. We not only went out to a bakery to have boba, but also sang karaoke at home. I think Little Saigon is very fun. I stayed at their house for a month and a half. I hope to return for winter break.

我7月16日坐了地铁去圣地牙哥看我姥姥。到时候,我姥姥送了我她的家吃午饭。她做了一些好吃的德国菜。我在她家住了两个周。每天我都坐公共汽车去图书馆，因为我姥姥没有电脑。我姥姥的家好是好，可是那儿一台电风扇也没有。圣地牙哥天气非常闷热。

我7月16日坐地铁到圣地牙哥去看我姥姥。到达后,我姥姥接我到她家吃午饭。她做了一些好吃的德国菜。我在她家住了两周。每天我都坐公共汽车去图书馆，因为我姥姥没有电脑。我姥姥的家好是好，可是没有电风扇，而圣地牙哥天气非常闷热。

On July sixteenth I took a train to San Diego to visit my grandmother(maternal). When I arrived, my grandmother gave me a ride to her house to have lunch; she made some delicious German food. I stayed at her house for two weeks. Becuase my grandmother does not have a computer, I caught a bus to the library everyday(I was there).

My grandmother's house is nice and all, but she does not have a single fan! The weather in San Diego is hot and stiffling.

舊金山比圣地牙哥更暖和。7月30日我坐了飞机去舊金山看我好朋友。

我到了时候，好朋友在飞机场见我。我们住了三天便宜的饭店。这个饭店离飞机场不远。我门看了四部日本电影，去了日本商店，吃了五次日本菜。他真喜欢日本的东西。我觉得他很好玩.

舊金山比圣地牙哥更热。7月30日我坐了飞机去舊金山看好朋友。

我抵达时，好朋友来飞机场接我。我们住了三天便宜的饭店。这个饭店离飞机场不远。我门看了四部日本电影，去了日本商店，吃了五次日本菜。他真喜欢日本的东西。他是个很好玩的家伙。

The weather in San Francisco is even warmer than San Diego. On July 30th I caught a plane to San Fransico to see my good friend. My good friend met me at the airport when I arrived. We stayed at a hotel for three days. This hotel was not far from the airport. We watched four Japanese films, went to a Japanese shop, and ate Japanese food five times. He really likes Japanese stuff. I think he is quite an amusing guy.
8月3日我坐了飞机回家。回家回得很难，因为我家在离西雅图很近的岛上。晚上11点才到家.
8月3日我坐了飞机回家。回家很费周折，因为我家住在西雅图附近的岛上。晚上11点才到家.