Advice on how to prevent marriage.

[eshton]

@roddy I think you forgot the fake passports so everyone can lay low until the heat is off.  

[Lumbering Ox]

If you really want to prevent the marriage, fly me over to China and introduce me to the guy. I'll help him gain a 100 pounds and get my weirdness to rub off on him. Within a month no female would ever want to marry him or date him or have anything to do with him. Let me us my forever alone powers for good... and a free trip to China.

[lips]

'If someone else kisses the groom-to-be, the engagement will be broken off, but only if the kiss was with tongue"

If that someone is a guy, that'll certainly do it.  :O

[traunk]

Ok, so here are 2 real suggestions that are not unethical. BUT, honestly like everyone else said you should move on, and use these two tactics for your next girlfriend.

 

#1 Make it easy for the parents to like you. That way you are actually a contender. 

 

Several replies, said something like "Your not marrying her, your marrying her whole family!" This is totally true. So rather than focusing your energy only on your relationship with just her, also develop a good relationship with the parental units. If an uncle, or grandma is around be extra nice to them also! With the current relationship try being so darn nice that they have second thoughts. Give them gifts of things they like, and compliment them on everything.

 

Way before I decided to marry my wife I cultivated good relationships with the family. I had tea, beer, XO, baijiu or stinky tofu with about everyone in my wife's family, and many of her parent's friends. I cultivated a good reputation with them as having a good temper, and was willing to try anything once.  

 

That alone won't get your approval for marriage.....

 

#2 Show the parents your going places. 

 

A lot of the pressure I see with marriage is about elevating status. The common joke with Beijingers, "Does he have a house, and a car?" Even if you don't have a lot to offer now show them you have potential. Let them know your going places and won't be just a leech. If you have family money, without being too crass make it known. Spend some of it on her family.

 

Even locals have this issue. My brother-in-law, 35 is in a relationship with a rich girl who is 40. She desperately wants to get married and have babies, but my bro doesn't have the kind of dowry the parents are demanding, and unless he upgrades his work, or investments, or something, he is gonna be saving a long time.

 

For me I dated my wife for 7 years before we married. In that time, I went from $5/hr tech help line to $40k/yr junior programmer.  Her family could see I was going to be making decent money in the future.

 

#Bonus: Let her family meet your family. This is based on my observations, but not a whole lot else. Take it with a grain of salt.

 

You are not actually on the same authority level as her parents. Your generation's opinion isn't as important. Like someone else said, your expected to disappear back into your home town, and marry a nice girl there. The end. When marriages happen families unite, not just two people. While I consider the first bit of advice about integrating into her community, this bit is about showing her community what yours has to offer. I think it also makes you a bit more real to her parents. Your not just a wandering James Dean. 

 

I invited my parents, my boss and his wife over for our wedding ceremony. They way they treated my parents was different than the way they treated me. Again, just opinion, but what I saw was for my parents they weren't just kind, they also were super respectful. They wanted my parents opinion before they chose a course of action. They gave my parents preferential seating and selection above and beyond what they did for me. And so on.

 

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Aight I am gonna stop rambling. Like the others said I would suggest you move on, but at least you have an ethical course of action to take now if you want.

[Flickserve]

@roddy that put a smile on my face, kinda glad you left me out, don't know what I could have brought to the party

why me??? (

I don't what possessed me to post in this thread. . I only came to the forum to learn how to learn Chinese....

[roddy]

Chinese-forums.com - you come for the in-depth discussion on the placement of 了. You stay for the comedy and inappropriate discussion of strangers' relationships. 

 

Traunk has some good advice there though. The way to do this was getting the parents onside. A demonstration of commitment and earning power might have done the trick. 

[Chris Two Times]

Why are all of the OP's posts deleted?

 

I just looked through this again, lots of great insights from a lot of posters on the forums here.

 

Warm regards,

Chris Two Times

[abcdefg]

Why are all of the OP's posts deleted?

 

OP took his toys and went away in a huff after failing to gain support for his cockamamie idea.

[Flickserve]

Traunk and Imron were too good.

[Chris Two Times]

Traunk and Imron were too good. 

 

...but you got the placement of 了down! You should have suggested to the OP that he get his placement of 了 in order--that there would be solid gold advice and with pristine 了 placement, that family would take the OP for their daughter over any Middle Kingdom huckster in a heartbeat! 

 

Warm regards,

Chris Two Times