Dating advice, Chinese co-worker

[Chris Two Times]

Agree with Flickserve above.

 

I've done lots of contract work in lots of places around the world. At the time of leaving, I've had both scenarios--ones where I f'ed up along the way and the farewell period was filled with regret and embarrassment; I've also had scenarios where I aced my work, never f'ed up, was an excellent cultural ambassador, and left the people with only positive images of me.

 

Keeping Flickserve's above words in mind regarding risk, I no longer wish to leave a place where I f'ed up and on bad terms with the resulting farewell period filled with awkwardness and embarrassment and the people's thoughts of me being only lukewarm.

 

I still go with vellocet's words as well--plenty of other women to date besides just this one co-worker. Jump out into the wider world and see what happens.

 

I knew a girl at university about 25 years ago from HK and she never once flashed a signal at me, but I had no idea if that was because she was quiet and shy and a culture thing or if she was just repulsed at the concept of my existence and she only tolerated me out of politeness.

4 or 5 semesters, never even asked her out as friends as I didn't want to ruin the acquaintance level contact when I ran into her on campus.

 

Here is a situation where "regret what you didn't do" may be applicable. The above situation is with an acquaintance that one would occasionally run into on campus and see for 4 or 5 semesters. That's a bit different than the OP's situation of "this is a woman I work with as a deskmate" whom he may not have even known for a very long time.

 

Warm regards,

Chris Two Times

[gato]

As well, I'm not one you could call "experienced" in the world of dating, as I just find the opposite sex a bit confusing, so this has been another reason I've yet to say something.

Don't know how old the OP is. But I suspect that he's not a teenager anymore. Given that he hasn't dated much, there is also the danger of always sitting back and never getting experienced.

[Flickserve]

Don't know how old the OP is. But I suspect that he's not a teenager anymore. Given that he hasn't dated much, there is also the danger of always sitting back and never getting experienced.

nothing to stop him meeting people who are not across his desk.

[gato]

Nothing except he's probably on the introverted side and has difficulty flirting with strangers.

[Guest realmayo]

Most of the advice about not risking fun & happiness with colleagues does not seem specific to a Chinese situation. So I'd pay attention to the few that are specific to a Chinese situation.

[Lumbering Ox]

 

Here is a situation where "regret what you didn't do" may be applicable. The above situation is with an acquaintance that one would occasionally run into on campus and see for 4 or 5 semesters. That's a bit different than the OP's situation of "this is a woman I work with as a deskmate" whom he may not have even known for a very long time.

I forgot to mention, we had a lot of courses together, we both switched in into the same major late in the game and generally had 4 courses or more together each semester.

 

 

If he found it easy to meet people he would have not said he lacked experience in dating. I'd guess much in my situation finding a girl who potentially likes him is much more difficult than finding a new job. Not all of us are Joe Cools.

 

OTOH the more clueless he is in dating means a greater chance of really screwing things up, also sadly based on my personal experience.

[TheWind]

OP here,

 

wow,  a lot more feedback than I expected. I think there may have been 1 or 2 questions within those responses.

 

I've known her since starting work, about 6 months ago. So, I see her 5 times a week, talking and joking about all sorts of things. So she isn't just a desk mate that I am fond of, we do talk daily.

 

She only gets one day off a week, so outside of work, we really don't do things together. 

[TheWind]

 

 

he's probably on the introverted side and has difficulty flirting with strangers.

 

 

What gato said is pretty accurate

[Christy]

Slow down, you should know how you fancy your co-worker, you just like to work with her? Or you feel good to talk everything with her? Do you know she has boyfriend or not?

Those "signals" you mentioned could happen in good friends or good colleagues, I really think you should know more about her before taking actions, otherwise, you might put you and her in a awkward situation. At least you can find a common activity which both of you like, then do it together... 

[Chris Two Times]

TheWind,

 

Any updates?

 

Warm regards,

Chris Two Times

[TheWind]

I've been off of the forums for a while, sorry about not responding. But thanks again everyone for all the feedback, I didn't expect to get this much of a response. 

 

In response to Christy, I'm confident on "how I like her", I know very intimate things about her which is perhaps why I feel this way. And no, she doesn't have a boyfriend. 

 

Chris Two Times, I really haven't tried to push our "relationship" in any sort of direction, aside from what it is now. My contract ends in a few months and I will return home after which (though maybe not for certain) so I guess if i end up saying something, then it would be around the time I leave. 

[Pokarface]

@TheWind

Will this affect you on learning how to write? We are still waiting on your decision for this post as well!

 

http://www.chinese-forums.com/index.php?/topic/51236-considering-not-learning-to-write-looking-for-input/#comment-392702

[imron]

so I guess if i end up saying something, then it would be around the time I leave.

That's the time when you won't be able to do anything about it.

[gato]

No point in saying anything when you leave the country if you are not willing to say it now. Better path is just let it out now. Fight your natural risk-averse tendencies.

[ChTTay]

If you're definitely leaving the country (or city or province) in a couple of months then I'd probably leave it.

Unless she can change your mind.

[Angelina]

Make a choice and then live with your choice. You are used to avoiding risk. Maybe you should fight that, maybe not, depends on what you want.

I would advice you to see her as the girl, not as the Chinese girl. Do you have much in common? Would you like to have more things in common with her? Can you imagine spending more time with her? Would you like to learn more about her? Her, not the Chinese girl, this Chinese girl is an individual.

The thing about intimate relationships is that they are more intimate. It is communication, just more intimate than with most other interpersonal relationships. You seem to be friendly now and enjoy each other's company. Do you want more? Do you think she wants more? Maybe the reason why you can't 'read' her cues is cultural differences, maybe not, maybe you need to try to read her better.

Chinese culture? Hm. One thing that makes Chinese culture different, at least to me, is gifts. Try giving her a gift and see how she reacts. Find a reason to give her something.

[abcdefg]

"Faint heart never won fair lady."

 

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"I came like Water, and like Wind I go."

[歐博思]

兔子不吃窝边草！

 

Edit: Before making my original post I was just scanning for the Chinese phrase I posted above. Read again and saw you'd be leaving pretty soon. I'm now with #34 gato on this one:

 

 

No point in saying anything when you leave the country if you are not willing to say it now. Better path is just let it out now. Fight your natural risk-averse tendencies.

Edited March 24, 2016 at 10:23 AM by 歐博思