Translation of Over-Descriptive clauses into English

[WenLei-William]

Hello Everybody,

 

     I was working on a translation project today and I came across this sentence:

 

于行走间探寻海派文化魅力的“微游上海”以及用浪漫之绳将集体婚礼与城市文化相牵的“玫瑰婚典”等多项活动早已成为经典品牌

 

     I can understand what the sentence is saying in Chinese, but when I try to translate it into English, it seem over descriptive. Especially the clauses describing “微游上海” and  “玫瑰婚典”. So, I just left out the clauses and listed the two nouns mentioned in the previous sentence.

 

     I was wondering, whenever you all translate Chinese into English, especially when there is a part with over descriptive clauses like the sentence above, what approach do you take to translate it?

[Guest123]

 

 

“微游上海” and  “玫瑰婚典”.

These are not over descriptive clauses, but names of traveling programs. Besides, that's why there are quotation marks ;) 

[WenLei-William]

Sorry, maybe I wasn't clear in my question. I'm aware that 微游上海 and 玫瑰婚典 are the names of traveling programs. I meant the descriptive clauses before them (Everything before 的) that describes them.

[Guest123]

Usually when traslating we put everything - out of respect for the original text and its style. But of course, we change the structure or find a way to express the same meaning in a different way, more sutable in our language. 

[Demonic_Duck]

Can break up the massive sentence something like this:

Many events have already become well-known [or classic] brands. Such events include "Shanghai Microtravel", which... Another such event is "Rose Wedding", which...

[Demonic_Duck]

These are not over descriptive clauses, but names of traveling programs. Besides, that's why there are quotation marks ;)

As if quotation marks aren't massively overused and misused in Chinese writing.

[roddy]

Or keep  it all in one sentence.

 

多项活动, such as 微游上海, which...,. and 玫瑰婚, a show about..., 早已成为经典品牌

[陳德聰]

What Roddy said. The 等 instantly brings out a "such as" in my soul and the power of lists compels me.

[Demonic_Duck]

Problem there is that you then have a massive sentence with a huge gap between subject and predicate. Less readable.

[Mouseneb]

I often break overlong Chinese sentences onto several shorter English sentences. Sometimes this takes some rearranging.

[roddy]

It is a bit less readable, but I think it's within the realms of acceptability and no worse than the original. Or just rejig it again. Some events have become well-known brands, such as.... and.....

 

I think I'd want to see the rest of the paragraph before deciding.