What is your preferred translation ?

[ogs]

Hi,

 

I would like to be sincere, polite and respectful to someone Chinese.

I've asked translators to help me with a gift I want to send to this business partner. 

 

I would like to know which translator is the best, can you help me ?

 

Here is a small gift of a specialty from my region in the south of France: Calissons. 

 

A ) 这是一个法国南部特色的小礼物：Calissons（杏仁糖）。

B ) 这是来自我在法国南部地区一份特别的小礼物：卡利颂

 

Calissons are a traditional candy consisting of a paste of candied fruit (especially melons and oranges) and ground almonds topped with a thin layer of royal icing. 

A ) Calissons (杏仁糖) 是由糊状的果脯（特别是甜瓜和橙子）和表面覆盖有薄薄的一层糖霜的杏仁组成的传统糖果。

B ) 卡利颂是一个含有蜜饯（特别是瓜类和橘子）和杏仁的传统糖果，并淋上一层薄薄的皇家糖霜。

 

From a native Chinese perspective, is A or B the better in your opinion ?

 

Thank you very much :-)

[889]

Just looking at those two alternatives, I'd say "A" in each instance sounds a bit more colloquial and would be more appropriate in this context.

[Kenny同志]

Here is a small gift of a specialty from my region in the south of France: Calissons. Calissons are a traditional candy consisting of a paste of candied fruit (especially melons and oranges) and ground almonds topped with a thin layer of royal icing.

 

Both versions sound Anglicised. If I were you, I would include in the note the reason why I send this gift to the business partner. And if I want to sound formal and respectful, the note would be something like this: 

 

某某先生/女士：

 

X年來，業務上多蒙您照顧，為表謝忱，謹寄敝省特產卡利鬆（calisson）一盒。卡利鬆乃法南傳統糕點，以蜜餞糊（多為甜瓜糊、橙子糊）和杏仁粉為主料，覆以糖霜製成。禮物菲薄之至，幸勿以此見卻。

 

                                                                                                                                                                                       Your Name

 

This is basically what your message says except that I have included a possible reason why you would send this gift (i.e. to show your appreciation for his/her choosing to do business with you) and a quantity of the calissons (i.e. a box of the candies).

 

PS: A better transliteration for calisson might be 卡利鬆.

[889]

But a quick Google search suggests 卡利颂 is the common transliteration:

 

糖果之战：中国人注册法国明星美食被抵制

 

http://news.iyuba.com/essay/2016/11/20/51087.html

[Kenny同志]

Often, transliterating proper names is really something about personal preference, especially if the name is little known, which is the case with calissons. Even for common English names, there can be more than one transliteration. For example, Michelle is transliterated as 米歇爾 and 米雪 in Chinese. You may have noticed that 米歇爾 is far more common but with no doubt, 米雪 is equally far more refined.

 

For such common proper names like Michelle, I often stick to the most common transliteration, even though I may dislike it. For obscure ones, however, I tend to come up with a transliteration that I think is the best.

[ogs]

Thank you very much for your insights. I have all I need :-)

[Kenny同志]

某某先生/女士：

 

X年來，業務上多蒙您照顧，為表謝忱，謹寄敝省特產卡利鬆（calisson）一盒。卡利鬆乃法南傳統糕點，以蜜餞糊（多為甜瓜糊、橙子糊）和杏仁粉為主料，覆以糖霜製成。禮物菲薄之至，幸勿以此見卻。

 

                                                                                                                                                                                       Your Name

 

 

If you choose to use my version, replace '某某先生/女士' with your partner's name + 先生(Mr) or 女士(Ms), and 'X' with the number of years that you have been doing business.

[889]

Also, if you're sending this to someone in Mainland China, you might want to use Simplified Characters.