Yet another dating question

[Squawk 1200]

Since in a few years (I will be age 26-27 by then) I may find myself living in China, I need to ask what will be my dating chances if I am looking for certain characteristics in a girl?

 

The thing is, my personality is (has always been) fairy different from personalities of most other people my age - I am far less materialistic than most other people, I don't care about fashionable clothes, expensive cars and other stuff like that, my parents and sister also aren't materialistic (my sister firmy rejected several rich suitors, including a doctor and several businessmen, and married a man who earns 2x less than she does). I also have a fairy wide range of interests - very much the only thing I wasn't interested in to at least some degree are visual arts (I became a huge fan of WW2 aviation at age 10, then military and history at 11, I was utterly pasionate about spaceflight/astronomy at 13-14 and then I self taught myself English to a near native level at 16).

 

Would it be possible for me to find a girl who is more on the intellectual rather than material side of life? She wouldn't have to be a genius (though she may as well be :P) nor spend all time in nothing but books/scientific papers - just fairy smart and willing to spend free time on some more intellectually productive activities rather than partying/shopping  

[Flickserve]

Wait until you arrive before forming stereotypes.

[roddy]

Fairly, not fairy. 

 

Yes, China has a wide range of women for you to choose from. 

[Shelley]

I wouldn't exclude large groups of women, you don't know who you will meet and if you set yourself limits you will limit your chance of finding "Miss Right".

I have seen very materialistic, not scholarly women/people change. One was into fast cars, clothes, money and was even a fashion model, this lasted a couple of years, now she lives on a smallholding, living a "green" , close to the earth, intellectual life in the USA.

 

Never judge a book by its cover.

[abcdefg]

China has a group of women who have been successful in their careers or in academic pursuits to the exclusion of finding a husband. In other words, they have been too busy. Lots of these women are very intelligent and very driven. They are China's "Left over women" 剩女。Some will be in your approximate age bracket.

 

I have known several such young ladies. They frequently are not interested in a man who can provide material comforts, since they already have what they want through their own efforts.

 

You can Google it for more. I have no actual dating advice.

[Squawk 1200]

Thank you very much for answers. To be more precise, I cannot imagine a woman to provide for me no me to provide for her. Rather, I consider a relationship in which every party provides euqlly to be the best one (both).

 

I benefit from a pension for disabled people which is equivalent to about 1200 RMB per month and I save most of that (I am a preemie who suffered from retinopathy of prematurity caused on part by negligence on the part of nurses) and at the end of my studies I will have a sizeeable amount of savings myself. . 

[fabiothebest]

I'd say you don't have less chances than you'd have in your country, whenever you come from. There are plenty of women, each one with her different personality. I'm not saying to go on a hunt, just live your life and maybe you'll fall in love with a girl. You are talking about the future, but you said you'll be in China in a few years. There may be some cultural traits of Chinese women that make them different from women coming from other countries, but I wouldn't even talk about that. I'd avoid stereotypes. For making friends or dating girls more easily you need to speak Chinese well, anyway a beginner level should be enough to have a basic conversation and you may use English when you can't express yourself in Chinese (if the people you want to talk to can speak English). If you are planning to live in China your long-term goal will be to learn Chinese up to an intermediate-advanced level. You can try to study in your country already if you can or study in China directly like some people do. It depends on what you can\want to do. Even if you can't attend classes, you can self study. About the money, living in China is less expensive, but you'll need a job. If you can do an online job, as you mentioned, it would be great for you. Anyway for living in China for long time you'll have  to study or work there. Also getting married with a Chinese woman could let you have a visa that can be converted into a temporary residence permit (that you'll have to renew) and unfortunately it doesn't grant you a Chinese citizenship. It's premature to talk about this for 2 reasons: 1) you aren't going to China soon; 2) you don't have a Chinese gf at the moment. Anyway you can get info about China's policies.

 

Good luck and if you need help about Chinese, just follow this forum and ask, maybe also tell us your level.

[edelweis]

5 hours ago, Squawk 1200 said:

I cannot imagine a woman to provide for me no me to provide for her.

Well, things like pregnancies, accidents and illnesses do happen...

I'm not saying that you should give up on your ideals, by all means discuss them with the women you will meet, but keep in mind that circumstances change.

You may very well end up depending on your future wife for a visa or money to live on at some point in time, or she may end up depending on you.

(Unless you intend to give up the relationship as soon as a hardship befalls you or her, in which case you should also disclose this up front, no?)

[abcdefg]

>>" maybe also tell us your level."

 

Zero -- He has not begun to study Chinese yet. Has no relevant knowledge or experience. Just a list of prerequisites.

 

To the original poster, before I leave this thread, would humbly suggest that you don't set up too many rigid conditions that must be met several years in the future.

 

 

[Lu]

On 25-1-2017 at 0:48 AM, Squawk 1200 said:

Would it be possible for me to find a girl who is more on the intellectual rather than material side of life? She wouldn't have to be a genius (though she may as well be :P) nor spend all time in nothing but books/scientific papers - just fairy smart and willing to spend free time on some more intellectually productive activities rather than partying/shopping

Do these women exist? Yes.

Do they exist in China? Well, since there are about half a billion women in China, I'd say the odds are yes, they exist there as well. Even in China, each woman comes with her own personality, background and interests.

Would it be possible for you to find them? That depends on where you go looking for them, and how you go about that search. But yes, should be possible.

Would it be possible for you to date them, marry them and live happily ever after? That really depends on both you and them. Make sure you yourself also bring something to the table, apart from a disdain of the material side of life and partying/shopping. And don't write of women who like to party and/or shop. One can read interesting books by day and dance on tables by night, after all. Or indeed shop by day and watch gripping documentaries at night.

[Angelina]

On 25.1.2017 at 7:48 AM, Squawk 1200 said:

Would it be possible for me to find a girl who is more on the intellectual rather than material side of life? She wouldn't have to be a genius (though she may as well be :P) nor spend all time in nothing but books/scientific papers - just fairy smart and willing to spend free time on some more intellectually productive activities rather than partying/shopping  

 

 

well, I don't know how to put it 

[Cantabile]

This has got to be a joke post haha.

[Squawk 1200]

IMHO it's perfectly fine to look for certain characteristics in a mate - in fact, most people do that, only subconsciously.

[LiMo]

I think you're missing the point. Everyone has preferences, but they were questioning the implied assumption that intellectual women are very hard to find in China. We all know that's not what you were saying, but you were evidently worried that there was a real possibility of that actually being the case.

 

I have no doubt that if you could do an empirical study the relative proportions of intellectual girls would probably differ in some degree between China and your native country, but whether or not it would be a large or noticeable difference is anyone's guess. In fact the larger issue is not materialistic/intellectual (these aren't mutually exclusive of course but I get what you mean), the larger issue is where you meet people in China, and perhaps the stereotypes Chinese people are likely to have of you. These will strongly affect girls who will show interest in/generally avoid dating you (same goes for people in any other country of course). Best advice I can give you is just carry on as you would and engage in any of the more social hobbies that you may have. This is one of the best ways to meet people and strike up genuine friendships and the next step is genuine romance.

 

[Lu]

11 hours ago, LiMo said:

I have no doubt that if you could do an empirical study the relative proportions of intellectual girls would probably differ in some degree between China and your native country

Absolute numbers, on the other hand...

[LiMo]

@Lu

 

Haha, good point. I suppose absolute numbers are actually in OP's favour.

[Shelley]

Also remember that if you go to the pub/club you will meet girls who like to go to these places. If you go to a library or bookshop or join an evening class you are more likely to met the sort of girl you describe BUT this is by no means a hard and fast rule.

 

As i said earlier you can't tell what someone likes or is interested in from first impressions.

 

Speak to as many women from as many places as you can and you will probably be surprised at where you will eventually find "the one"

 

[Wurstmann]

22 hours ago, Shelley said:

Also remember that if you go to the pub/club you will meet girls who like to go to these places.

 

Especially true in China. A lot less people go to parties or clubs/bars than in Germany for example.

[NotChinese]

I'd say China has as many vacuous, air-headed simpletons as every other nation.

 

There are cultural differences, for sure, but overall I think the amount of potentials who could be 'The One' over there are the same as the amount in your own country.

 

After the initial wonder of being in a new nation has worn off (and yes it may manifest itself as the lovingly nicknamed 'yellow fever'), you'll quickly realise that the humans of China are actually quite similar to the humans of anywhere else, when all is said and done.

 

Cultural differences certainly do exist, but I personally find myself able to break Chinese people down into the same loose categorisations that I can see in people back home as well. Complex, air-headed, loud, introverted, quirky, etc. These are all human traits.