Lu Posted February 28, 2017 at 09:56 AM Report Posted February 28, 2017 at 09:56 AM Take things slow and talk to her about this. If you can't talk with her, the relationship will fail sooner or later. Communication is always important, but even more so in cross-cultural relationships. And don't make too many assumptions. Yes Chinese women as a rule are more conservative than Western women, but not all of them. Yes they are supposed to be married by 25 or so, but not all of them are, not all of them wish to be, and not all parents respond the same way. So talk with her, talk with her, and talk with her more. And talk often. She's also just figuring this stuff out and might not yet know what she wants or why, or change her mind at some point. (As might you.) Good luck, I hope everything works out! 2 Quote
anonymoose Posted February 28, 2017 at 04:27 PM Report Posted February 28, 2017 at 04:27 PM If she's quieter around you than her friends, just consider that it may be difficult for her to speak English. I'm not saying that her English is not good, but it still takes more effort to speak in a foreign language than your own. 1 Quote
jgraham11 Posted February 28, 2017 at 04:51 PM Author Report Posted February 28, 2017 at 04:51 PM Yeah I've considered that. I mean we mix English and Mandarin. I'd say it's like 70/30 in favor of English. Maybe I should make more of an effort to speak Mandarin to her Quote
abcdefg Posted March 1, 2017 at 02:37 AM Report Posted March 1, 2017 at 02:37 AM >>" I think you're just underestimating the lack of emotion/interest that she shows." Maybe she doesn't like you. Quote
jgraham11 Posted March 1, 2017 at 02:43 AM Author Report Posted March 1, 2017 at 02:43 AM 6 minutes ago, abcdefg said: Maybe she doesn't like you. Oh wow I never considered that.. Then why keep agreeing to dates.. Quote
abcdefg Posted March 1, 2017 at 03:00 AM Report Posted March 1, 2017 at 03:00 AM >>" Then why keep agreeing to dates..?" Because she's bored and someone she likes better hasn't asked her out yet. 2 1 Quote
Washe Posted March 1, 2017 at 03:26 AM Report Posted March 1, 2017 at 03:26 AM 26 minutes ago, abcdefg said: Because she's bored and someone she likes better hasn't asked her out yet. Ouch Quote
jgraham11 Posted March 1, 2017 at 03:30 AM Author Report Posted March 1, 2017 at 03:30 AM I think 5 dates is extensive to just be bored.. but good try anyway. I don't know many people who would waste that much time on someone by the way your bio makes no sense.. Quote
imron Posted March 1, 2017 at 06:16 AM Report Posted March 1, 2017 at 06:16 AM 2 hours ago, jgraham11 said: but good try anyway. To be fair, you were the one who brought up the 'lack of emotion/interest that she shows'. If you had to make a list of 10 potential reasons *why* that might be the case, what abcdefg said would quite likely make the list, even if it was then later discarded based on other evidence. I'm not sure what about abcdefg's bio doesn't make sense. It appears pretty straightforward to me. Quote
jgraham11 Posted March 1, 2017 at 06:31 AM Author Report Posted March 1, 2017 at 06:31 AM After 5 dates? Who is that bored to go out of their way to go on 5 dates with someone they're not interested in? That's why it's so peculiar to me how she doesn't show her interest or emotion more. and his bio says he's fluent with many mistakes. Just kind of found that ironic. The literal definition of fluency is to have the ability to speak or write a language accurately. So if you make many mistakes how are you fluent? Quote
li3wei1 Posted March 1, 2017 at 06:53 AM Report Posted March 1, 2017 at 06:53 AM Quote The literal definition of fluency is to have the ability to speak or write a language accurately. No it isn't. Look it up. 1 Quote
jgraham11 Posted March 1, 2017 at 06:54 AM Author Report Posted March 1, 2017 at 06:54 AM Actually I did.. that's what it said Quote
jgraham11 Posted March 1, 2017 at 06:59 AM Author Report Posted March 1, 2017 at 06:59 AM But but by all means please keep coming at me. Ever since I joined this forum months ago it's been one passive aggressive attack after another with certain people Quote
jgraham11 Posted March 1, 2017 at 07:13 AM Author Report Posted March 1, 2017 at 07:13 AM I'll be honest this is the last post i'll ever have on this forum again. Anytime i've asked a question or commented on something it's been received by someone with a pompous reply or superiority complex that came from Gods know where. Truthfully, I don't care what ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOP considers himself "fluent" not fluent whatever. I asked a somewhat simple question with good intentions on a thread titled "Society" so I figured it was okay to ask. I got a few nice responses with actual advice from a few people too, and to those people I thank you for taking the time. Far too often that hasn't been the case though. I know I won't be missed! and I'll survive just fine without this forum too, but just thought this really needed to be said. Tchau! Quote
imron Posted March 1, 2017 at 07:17 AM Report Posted March 1, 2017 at 07:17 AM 39 minutes ago, jgraham11 said: Just kind of found that ironic Some people find irony amusing, but even if you take it seriously.. 41 minutes ago, jgraham11 said: So if you make many mistakes how are you fluent? Imagine you can speak a language fluently, and express yourself on almost any topic of interest (and many not of interest), but maybe once every 5 minutes you make a single mistake with a single word. That's dozens (or potentially hundreds) of mistakes a day, which certainly counts as 'many' without in any way impacting fluency. Quote
Popular Post somethingfunny Posted March 1, 2017 at 07:57 AM Popular Post Report Posted March 1, 2017 at 07:57 AM Even if jgraham11 doesn't come back I think it's still worth noting a few things. In my experience, Chinese people don't need to like somebody in order to agree to date (or even end up marrying someone). A girl could not really like you that much but still see you as a good marriage prospect given your social status, family situation etc. I'm not saying this is any better or worse than the general western principle of "love is blind" - it's just two completely different views on the issue. And while the definition of fluency indicates accuracy, it doesn't preclude the existence of mistakes. The kids round where I live are fluent English speakers, but they probably wouldn't get very far in an "English as a foreign language" class. Naaah wha' I'm sayin' fam? 5 Quote
Flickserve Posted March 1, 2017 at 08:07 AM Report Posted March 1, 2017 at 08:07 AM 5 hours ago, abcdefg said: Because she's bored and someone she likes better hasn't asked her out yet Could be. Sometimes it is just a trial of curiosity, something different....who knows? There are even people who hook up with physically violent people and not just Chinese people either. Quote
abcdefg Posted March 1, 2017 at 08:16 AM Report Posted March 1, 2017 at 08:16 AM Sorry, @jgraham11 I had no intention of offending you or driving you away. Perhaps the girl just doesn't like the way you part your hair. One approach to the situation might be to talk it over with her. Quote
889 Posted March 1, 2017 at 10:14 AM Report Posted March 1, 2017 at 10:14 AM Her age and reluctant behavior suggest that there's a serious other waiting back in China. 1 Quote
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