Dating a Northern Chinese girl?

[Lu]

I actually also wondered if perhaps she doesn't like you that much. I don't know you and I don't know her, but just throwing this out there: many young Chinese women (and men?) never really learned about how to date, and especially that it's okay to say no, to turn someone down (or that it's okay to be turned down). I just have some anecdotes, no data, but they add up: a girl who went along because the guy just kept asking and asking and showing up at her house and basically bully her into dating; girls who don't want to be with their boyfriend anymore but never considered breaking up as an option, or who don't know how to even go about that, what words to use; a guy whose girlfriend is drifting away and changing her life but he never considered the possibility that she might leave him; a girl who doesn't like the guy who is calling her all the time but doesn't know how to tell him to stop; things like that. This may be a bit unfathomable to many westerners, who grew up with soap series and magazines and internet full of stories of relationships that end, and on how they end, etc, but among young Chinese this is a thing.

 

Not saying this is the case for you and the woman you're dating, but it's something to keep in mind - and perhaps ask her about. Communication! It might end with the end of the relationship, but then at least you know where you stand.

[Shelley]

9 hours ago, abcdefg said:

Maybe she doesn't like you.

Ah the elephant in the room.

 

I am sorry jgraham11 feels that way.

 

According to your definition "2) being able to express oneself easily and articulately" - this doesn't exclude mistakes. I think you would probably consider yourself fluent in your mother tongue but this doesn't mean you might not make mistakes or understand every word you come across,

 

The word Forums means -

"noun: forum; plural noun: forums; plural noun: fora

1. 1.

   a meeting or medium where ideas and views on a particular issue can be exchanged.

   • an Internet site where users can post comments about a particular issue or topic and reply to other users' postings."

      

     This an abbreviated definition.

 

So you would expect a wide range of ideas, this is the friendliest forum I have used and there are usually only good intentions, lively debate is encouraged but  is not supposed to be upsetting to people.

 

It seems to me- and this is only my opinion - everything was fine while people were "on your side" as soon as abcdefg mentioned something unpleasant ie she might not like you, you felt the need to point out his "error" on his profile

 

Please reconsider your decision to leave the discussion and the forum. Who knows what the future holds and what any of us may bring to the table. It may help others and yourself. Remember someone else may read this with a similar situation and be glad to have some advice and know they are not alone.

 

Whatever your decision, I hope it all works out as you wish.

 

 

 

[li3wei1]

Far enough, you found a dictionary that supports your argument. I was using the Concise Oxford, which gives "a smooth easy flow, esp. in speech or writing", and "a ready command of words". Linguists often differentiate between fluency and competency. The latter is accuracy, the former is the ability to get your idea across and participate in a conversation. There are plenty of people like abcdef, who are fluent but make many mistakes. I was described that way in an assessment of my Chinese. This forum is full of people who study foreign languages, and so this difference is important to us, just as it is important to specify what you mean when you talk about Chinese 'words'.

 

To get back on the topic, maybe your friend is hanging out with you to practice her English?

[jgraham11]

Well I figured I'd end the thread on this since it got a decent amount of attention. I actually just cancelled on her a few days before we were supposed to meet up. She was surprised but I just told her I didn't see enough out of her and then she basically tried saying it was all because she was shy. And even if that is the case I unfortunately don't care. It was an experience to realize I can never date such a shy girl again

 

and for the record I asked for advice on how to approach my situation. I didn't need someone to tell me that maybe she didn't like me. That was obviously a possibility. I was looking for substance but it doesn't really matter now

 

 

 

 

[DernierVirage]

Sounds like she has had a lucky escape.

[jgraham11]

Andddd this is why I'm leaving..

 

Honestly I regret ever asking this question. If I could have deleted it I would have. This threads advice definitely made me come to this conclusion.

[Shelley]

Oh well done   DernierVirage

I don't think that will help.

[jgraham11]

19 minutes ago, Shelley said:

I don't think that will help.

 

Exactly! Thank you

 

 

 

 

[Publius]

1) I think the bio comment is a low blow.

2) Going through OP's content I realized Oh this is the guy who used 'should of'. Talking about irony.

[jgraham11]

This thread was dead until he pointed out a very obvious possibility that didn't need pointing out.. So are you sure you didn't miss that low blow? Or even the follow up to that? How do you find that to be a low blow but not what he said? Surely you aren't serious. This has to be some massive trolling effort

 

Should have.. Should've.. oh so sorry!

[somethingfunny]

13 hours ago, jgraham11 said:

 

I'll be honest this is the last post i'll ever have on this forum again.

 

 

Maybe we could lock this thread to stop people feeding the troll?

[jgraham11]

Now I'm the troll. This is comical hahaha

 

I meant this forum, not this thread. I'll continue to defend myself if I have to. Like if you're coming at me because I was rude or over the line for my comment, but you can't see how other comments are out line then I don't know what else to say. 

 

I can take answers I don't like, but it's the way it's delivered. It was clearly a jab, so excuse me for jabbing back 

[snowflake]

"I actually just cancelled on her a few days before we were supposed to meet up."

 

Most native Chinese speakers that I know would consider this to be you showing lack of interest.

[Flickserve]

9 hours ago, jgraham11 said:

It was an experience to realize I can never date such a shy girl again

 

Yes. I would put it down to learning experience. I think it's good you put it down to a personality difference foremost rather than a culture mismatch.

[Flickserve]

1 hour ago, snowflake said:

Most native Chinese speakers that I know would consider this to be you showing lack of interest.

 

It's not a problem. He is not obliged to be interested in her. If there is a mismatch, then that's the way it goes. She has also learnt something as well.