Chinese girlfriend has visa application refused.

[Johnymelad]

I’m sure this has been discussed a thousand times but today is very upsetting to us both.

 

Im a UK citizen and my girlfriend is Chinese. We have fallen in love this year and I have been to China 4 times since January to spend time with her.

 

She wants to visit me with a view to strengthening our relationship, possibly leading to marriage. 

I have a daughter and grandchildren in UK so I can’t consider moving to China.

 

She applied for a visitor visa but it was refused due to her having no ties to ensure she returns. (She recently quit her job because she would not be given time off - big mistake !!!!)

 

At the moment we are both devastated and wondering what the future holds for us.

 

I guess I just joined this forum for thoughts/advice even if it’s to be told we have no future together.

 

Thanks 

[gwr71]

DearJO。

You need to consult an immigration lawyer in the UK.  It seems that when she is in the UK you may get married and she may not be returning to her country.  The fact that she quit her job was a very bad move and the UK authorities would be suspicious.  If you are serious about her then you may have two options:

1. Have her reapply when she gets a new job and you indicate that she will be staying with you for only a short period.You act as guarantor in a manner of speaking.

2. You fly to Hong Kong and marry her and apply to register the marriage in the UK embassy in HK.  You can then apply for her Right to Abode in the UK, as it takes up to 3 years of being married and living together to get her UK citizenship.

Before you do anything see legal advise.  You may not want to lose this relationship.

 good luck.

[ChTTay]

Gwr71 makes some good points but might be taking this a bit too fast. 

 

You don’t necessarily need a lawyer just to get your gf to visit you in the UK but you and your gf should have done research before the application. 

 

Some things to ask yourself as to why the application failed: 

 

Did you write her her a letter inviting her to the UK and explaining your relationship?

Did you provide bank account info to show you can provide for both of for the duration of your stay? 

Do you have a job and house? Gave proof of that?

Did she have 50k (rmb) in her account for the last 6 months prior to applying?

Did she have a stable job and a letter stating the length of her contract etc?

Did you provide the same from your employer? 

 

As above, the problem is you’ve just got a distance relationship with some visits. UK Visa processing likely flagged her up as a risk of staying in the UK and perhaps your relationship looks like it could be fake - from their perspective. 

 

The easiest thing for you you to do would be to just move to China for a year or two, be together and, potentially, get married. All this with the view to moving back to the UK. This would form up the relationship in the eyes of authorities I’m sure. 

 

Before you take that step, worth looking how easy/hard it will be for you to take her to the UK if married. It’s usually not that easy unless you’re rich or highly skilled.

 

There is another forum out there devoted to questions and problems such as yours. I’m fairly sure it’s U.S-centric but you might find more help there. I can’t remember the name but someone might...  

[roddy]

Candle for love is the US site. They may have a UK section or be able to point you in the right direction.

[Shelley]

I see you state that you have grandchildren, this made me wonder what the age difference was between you two. This may also make the authorities raise some eyebrows as to the genuine nature of the relationship. This is not my opinion but may be theirs.

[Lu]

I agree with Shelley. I wish you both all the love and happiness in the world, but the optics of it are: older European man with younger Chinese woman who quits her job just before she is to travel to the UK. Based on that, it's not surprising she didn't get a visa.

 

That said, I'm sure there must be a dedicated forum for the UK. The US has one, the Netherlands has, I'm sure there are enough people in your position to have one too. Some googling should turn it up. Good luck!

[roddy]

The problem is that with one refusal on your record, future visas become more difficult. She gets another job and the visa officer wonders if she only got it so she can get a visa, etc, etc. If you're planning to get wed, it may be easier (if considerably less romantic) to skip to that stage. 

On 21/10/2017 at 1:53 PM, Johnymelad said:

I guess I just joined this forum for thoughts/advice even if it’s to be told we have no future together.

This would be a challenge for a well-established couple (God knows current UK policy is keeping enough of them apart). For one that sounds quite new - only you can make that decision, but there are quite some hurdles in your way, by the sound of it. Factor in other problems - communication difficulties, age difference, how well you actually know (not love, know) each other - and figure out what you want to do. 

[abcdefg]

On 10/21/2017 at 8:53 PM, Johnymelad said:

I have a daughter and grandchildren in UK so I can’t consider moving to China.

 

I don't see why this makes it impossible for you to move to China. You could at least move there for six months or a year to immerse yourself in the culture and language. It would give you a chance to get to know your girlfriend, her friends, and her family better. Sure you don't just want her to come to the UK because that solution is easiest for you?

 

On 10/21/2017 at 8:53 PM, Johnymelad said:

We have fallen in love this year and I have been to China 4 times since January to spend time with her.

 

Four visits in under one year is really not much to brag about, not all that impressive. Doesn't count as much of a "track record" for the relationship; doesn't show how it has managed to weather various ups and downs of life together over time. This sounds more like a simple infatuation that might easily run its course in a few more months.

 

And if this young lady is the same approximate age as your grandchildren, forget it right now. The relationship will not end well for either of you. It will not gain traction or social support, especially not from the China side. It will forever be seen as a somewhat frivolous "fling."

 

[ChTTay]

Agree with ABCDEFG 100%

 

 

[Johnymelad]

Thank you all for your comments. It’s a very tricky situation and we are taking it one step at a time.

[Shelley]

You didn't say where or how you met her. Dating site? Internet? 

 

This could also be a good reason to take @abcdefg  advice. Go live with her, experience the true nature of a relationship, the arguments about who used the last of the toothpaste or leaving the loo seat up or down or what ever. Remember what you have experienced is really no more than a holiday romance all flowers, bubbles and lovey dovey. Wait till real life hits, see how it is then.

 

Again I don't wish your relationship to fail but I do want you to be realistic.

 

 

[gwr71]

I will give my two cents wisdom to all here.

It is not easy growing old alone.  I must mention that I have read all the comments and I believe that no matter how good an advise that is given, no one here understands or feels your pain and frustration right now.

 

Two proverbs seems to play here:

1. It seems that all who are discouraging you are really saying in words" There is no fool like an old fool".  They seem to want to protect you from yourself.  Which is good for the forum. It is like an internet family.  But unfortunately they are are not in the position you are in. 

2. I am paraphrasing an old Chinese proverbs (western style): " Nothing makes a dead man come alive than a young girl".  

 

I should know this because I am nearing middle age and separated from my wife and our daughter is turning 18 in 2-3 weeks.  I look to the future and all I see is regret that I messed up and now alone.  I do not anticipate after my divorce to ever love again or to be in a serious relationship.  But that is where  I am dead wrong.  I don't know the future and it may be that in my travels alone i may meet a younger and attractive woman who could be half my age.  I would expect everyone who cares for me to say; she is there for the money etc. she just wants to get out of the situation that she is in in her country and would do anything and say anything to convince me to marry her etc.. She would have children and boyfriend etc and hide it from me until after the marriage .  Once she gets citizenship and don't need you anymore she will split and then I would be an old fool with everyone laughing at me and saying I told you so.etc..

 

But in the end I would say to them I thank you for your concerns but I will make the decision for myself. Even if my daughter don't like the  fact that the woman I want to be with  is almost her age etc.  I won't let that stop me. 

 

I will tell you what happened to a friend of mine.  He is near his 60's strong and had been married at least twice.  He was very lonely and decided to get married again.  He interviewed 100 women from Nigeria on the internet and chose one to bring to Nevis to marry.  Of course I was horrified when he told me and strongly advised him of the dangers as stated above but he was determined as he was the one to live with the consequences.  Everyone in Nevis was laughing at him for being foolish etc.  He didn't care.  He brought her from Nigeria here and they were married. They are together and have two beautiful children and she is now in the USVI with him doing business between here and there.  He is happy and I felt foolish because If he had listened to me or all his children and friends etc he would not have brought her to Nevis to meet her for the first time and then marry her. . He would be alone.

 

I must admit for every one successful relationship like my friend's there are hundreds and thousands that go wrong.  That is why many in this forum are asking you to slow down and take time to know her and decide what you really want.  As Percy Sledge said: Take time to know her it is not an overnight thing...

 

In the final analysis it all depends on you.  You should answer the following question:

Am I willing to live with the consequences of my action to marry her and bring her to the UK, even though in the future it may not work out?

Think hard and long about the answer.

 

I remember one song: " it is better to have love than to never loved at all.."  At middle age and above you need to do what makes you happy,  once you are prepared to live with the consequences.  

 

good luck on what you decide.

 

None of us here in this forum can really advise you.

 

[somethingfunny]

You've made a series of valid contributions to discussion, but I would point out that the cultural differences between Nevis-Nigeria and UK-China are probably significantly different.

 

I think the 'song' you are referring to is "It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."

 

And it seems like there is very little regard for the effect this might have on the Chinese girlfriend if she comes over in good faith, and things then take a turn for the worse...

[gwr71]

there is no difference.  different cultures different parts of the world.  The color of their skin is of no importance.  The advise would be the same if she was from Eastern Europe.  

As for the young woman , she knows more than him the consequences.  Women are more perceptive to this than us men. They don't just get up one day and decide to leave without thinking it through.  Women can be accused by men of overthinking situations.  I am married and know this for  a fact with women.  She has already thought long and hard about leaving China and being with him.  Just like the young woman from Nigeria.  If she has decided to take that chance then who are we to discourage her. or him.  

The ball is now in his court, does he really want her? Does he really love her?  Does he really want them to be together no matter the consequences?    All these questions she is going to find out very soon.  

Whatever decision he makes will have consequences both known and unknown for both of them.  They are emotionally involved.

I can only hope they both make the right decision.

Matters of the heart are the most painful yet the most rewarding.

[Lu]

42 minutes ago, gwr71 said:

Women are more perceptive to this than us men. They don't just get up one day and decide to leave without thinking it through. Women can be accused by men of overthinking situations. I am married and know this for a fact with women.

I presume you're not married to all women, or even the majority of women. Consider not generalising like this. Some women are very perceptive and think everything through, some are impulsive, some are ignorant or naive, some are wise beyond their years, some think long and hard and then do the opposite, etcetera. Women can make all kinds of different choices for different reasons. We're just like real people in that regard.

[gwr71]

I take your point but the point I am trying to make is that women by nature thinks more than men.

[somethingfunny]

I dunno, seems to me like you've been doing quite a lot of thinking gwr71.

[gwr71]

i know because this situation hits home.  For some people they just giving their advise with no real thought to the emotions involved. they don't have to face this problem so it is easy to give advise.

[Shelley]

3 minutes ago, gwr71 said:

women by nature thinks more than men.

Some women think more than some men, not all women think as much as some men.

 

As @Lu said you cannot generalise at all and especially when it comes to matters of the heart.

 

Men and women do the dumbest things in the name of love as well as each other.

 

 

[Zbigniew]

1 hour ago, somethingfunny said:

I think the 'song' you are referring to is "It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."

 

Just for the record, substitute "'Tis" for "It is" and the words are originally from Tennyson's In Memoriam.