Why is my sentence wrong part 3

[ZC]

The backstory is, at the train station the recharge machine ate my money, so I went to the counter so I could try to explain what happened. The sentence in question is (due to severe lack of vocab size): 我给了对卡机一百块可是来那 [point at turnstile] 的时候卡没有钱。 this one I’m pretty confident is bad but can y’all tell me why? Please and thanks!

[Jim]

What leaps out at first blush is using 给 instead of 充 ("charge") which would throw your listener off, and 来 rather than 到 for arriving at the turnstile (I didn't know the exact word off the top of my head, apparently it's usually 闸机 https://zhidao.baidu.com/question/228035295.html), but you could have gone with e.g. 但进去刷卡时显示没钱 and ducked the vocab test!

[Flickserve]

For the second part, you could say 

 

.....到了时候发现这张卡没有加一百块钱。

[889]

First off, we have to know what the problem is. I think he's saying the recharge machine took his 100RMB but his card didn't get credited 100RMB. If so, the turnstyle problem is really irrelevant. And further if so, this is another "speak simply" case: just a string of the simplest sentences. It's asking for trouble to put all this into one sentence, even two.

 

麻烦你！可能那个充值机坏了。我刚刚充值100块。可是充值没成功。我卡没充值100块。但是充值机没还给我我的100块。被我钱吃掉了！

 

Note especially that I always like to make some basic introductory remark to signal that the foreign face will be speaking Chinese. And Chinese-teaching style, it's useful to repeat your point.

 

[anonymoose]

9 hours ago, 889 said:

麻烦你！可能那个充值机坏了。我刚刚充值100块。可是充值没成功。我卡没充值100块。但是充值机没还给我我的100块。被我钱吃掉了！

 

I suppose you meant 把 in the last sentence as opposed to 被.

 

My attempt would be something like this:

 

我刚想加100元，充值机拿了我的钱但卡没有充值，请帮我看一下。

[Wippen (inactive)]

On 3/2/2018 at 12:38 PM, ZC said:

The backstory is, at the train station the recharge machine ate my money

But this even in English this requires some guesswork. For starters there is an idiom.  I understand what you mean though but there is some inference there and if you use inference in other another language that is not you own, I imagine this rives rise to misunderstandings. Do you agree?

[ZC]

3 hours ago, Tøsen said:

if you use inference in other another language that is not you own, I imagine this rives rise to misunderstandings. Do you agree?

Yes for sure, I have started to realize how many idioms I use daily and how hard it is to express certain things without them. At least I didn’t say 卡机吃了我的钱 XD

 

[Wippen (inactive)]

2 hours ago, ZC said:

I have started to realize how many idioms I use daily

Well, at the end of the day, when push comes to shove and all is said and done , it is as easy as pie to fall into the trap of not being able to think of the right  idiom to spring to mind off the top of your head.

[歐博思]

21 hours ago, Tøsen said:

But this even in English this requires some guesswork. For starters there is an idiom.  I understand what you mean though but there is some inference there and if you use inference in other another language that is not you own, I imagine this rives rise to misunderstandings. Do you agree?

 

I've heard Chinese people say “。。。。吃了我的卡” when an ATM machine eats their card and it‘s stuck inside. 

 

18 hours ago, ZC said:

At least I didn’t say 卡机吃了我的钱 XD

 

But you wouldn't have been wrong to say it with 吃.