Workplace Romance?

[RedPianoHongqin]

Background: Girl is a traditional PRC Chinese lady working in a factory

We are coworkers in different depts, we sometimes work together. Usual signs of flirtation, staring etc.

Then one day I took the courage to ask for her number, she got frightened off. She was totally nervous and said she needed to attend to something. I was kinda devastated and surprised at her actions.

Couple of hours later, bumped into her in the hallway. She was on all smiles and even greeted me. I didn’t think too much of it as I thought she was just being civil. When we knocked off we bumped into each other at the locker again. This time she and her friend were teasing me big time. They were singing “let’s wait for the handsome man behind us”. Purposely walking slowly for me to catch up.

I was confused as I thought she would react differently like avoiding me and stuff like that but instead I was teased.

Following week with my mind set to move on from her, I was minding my own business with another co-worker and she suddenly SCREAMED out to me. Needless to say I was scared shitless. She then asked if she could have my wechat ID instead, I was totally weird out.

I’ve texted her for these few days, she was quite responsive but don’t seem to carry on the conversation. Sadly she doesn’t ask me any questions. We converse a bit on the phone. She doesn’t ask me anything either but tends to elaborate a lot whenever I ask about her personal stuff. Is she playing hard to get or just totally uninterested? I really don’t quite get her. If she’s not interested she doesn’t have to ask for my WeChat id.

[DavyJonesLocker]

Is this in China or elsewhere ?

[NinjaTurtle]

If you are asking if it is a bad idea to have a workplace romance, the answer is YES. You will live to regret it.

 

Her reactions as you have described them are quite normal and healthy.

[abcdefg]

Approximate age and location?

 

Welcome to the forum. 

[Lu]

My take: She doesn't outright dislike you, but doesn't know yet whether she is romantically interested (hence the texting but not carrying the conversation). She does like the attention she is getting from you (hence the teasing).

 

If you are both in China and she is fairly young (under thirty, say), proceed only if you are prepared to marry her. If she is a factory girl from a traditional PRC background, chances are quite high she is of the 'dating with intent to marry' school. If you're just looking for a little fun, step away and look elsewhere.

[abcdefg]

I agree with @Lu. If she's a transplanted village girl, treat her tenderly, don't break her heart. What might be casual to you is probably serious to her. 

[RedPianoHongqin]

Hi I’m 36M from Singapore. She’s working in the same company as me but different dept. Dating coworkers isn’t very strongly frowned upon here. I just want to hear other ppl opinions as I never liked a PRC girl so much before and unsure about their culture. Singapore is more westernized compared to China. 

 

I’m not pursuing her for sex, I really do like her as a person. I’ve been chatting with her on the phone and texting her a lot. She seems to enjoy the attention. I’m just kinda confused if she has any interest in me. 

[RedPianoHongqin]

And no she isn’t young. She’s in her early 30s and a divorcee. It’s a little complicated for me as well as I’m under separation with my current Wife. I need to wait out for 2 years before I can legally divorce. 

 

Please dont misunderstand me, I’m not pursuing her for my happiness. I sincerely just want her to be happy. If she can wait it out for me I’ll do my best for her otherwise if she finds another guy I will not blame her. She’s really a nice girl except that she’s a little reserved probably cause of her past experience.

[Shelley]

Its not about approval from your work place, its about having to deal with the aftermath of a relationship gone wrong and having to see each other and work civilly together.

 

Just chill, don't worry about it all keep chatting, see what happens, don't push it, in fact kinda ignore her, make her chase you then you know where you stand.

 

In light of your most recent post you have no choice but to wait , good plan, patience.

[Lu]

7 minutes ago, RedPianoHongqin said:

I’m just kinda confused if she has any interest in me. 

The bad news: Nobody here can tell you that.

The good news: There is someone who can tell you, namely the woman herself! You will need to ask her, either now or at a future point.

 

2 minutes ago, RedPianoHongqin said:

I’m not pursuing her for my happiness. I sincerely just want her to be happy.

I fully believe that you want her to be happy, but the fact that you are thinking of her enough to post about the issue here implies that you really hope she will be happy with you. Which is fine, really, you are allowed to like a woman and want to be with her.

 

But really, take things slow. And if you eventually date her, tell her about your unfinalised divorce early on, so that she's not blindsided by it.

 

Good luck, and let us know in a few months how things are going!

[RedPianoHongqin]

Hi All, thanks for your advice. I’ll try to ignore her and see where I stand. Maybe I’m giving her too much attention. I Guess I’m just going to take it real slow from here onwards. Thanks again 

[imron]

1 hour ago, RedPianoHongqin said:

I’ll try to ignore her and see where I stand.

I disagree with this advice.  Even if it works, it's an exhausting way to have a relationship - doing and saying things you don't mean, in the hope that the other person will really know what you think and mean and be able to guess your real intention and then them doing/saying things they don't mean in the hope that you'll pick up the hint and understand what their real purpose is and so on and so on.

 

Just thinking about it makes me feel exhausted!  You're 36 years old man, this isn't highschool.

 

A better rule of thumb is to put in as much effort as the other person is although perhaps a tiny bit more.  This protects her from being overwhelmed by you and you from overinvesting yourself in her, while still giving you room to move things forward.  Then be open and honest about where you hope and want things to go.

 

Don't play silly games though such as ignoring her in the hope that she'll chase you, or go chasing after others in the hopes that she'll realise what she's missing and come chasing after you.  That's just recipe for miscommunication and drama.

[Tomsima]

This will be remembered as the day renowned chineseforums scholars Lu and Imron revealed their inner agony aunt to the community. Speaking of which, how might one say agony aunt in chinese? Is there a similar occupation in Chinese culture?

[vellocet]

She got frightened by the sudden asking for her number.  Later she thought better of it and displayed interest in you again.  She's definitely interested, but you have to make the moves.  When I was single, the first date would be for coffee, the second for dinner, and the third a home-cooked dinner at my place.  Coffee is a low-stakes date where you ask her a bunch of questions and get to know her, and figure out if you want a second date.

 

Wechat instead of voice phone calls is totally normal in PRC.  You don't do that in Singapore?  I thought you'd be ahead, not behind in that respect.

 

I gotta say, though, dating a chick where you work is a bad idea.  If things don't work out you can't get away from her and she is likely to badmouth you throughout the company.  I get the idea you don't get out much.  That'd be my advice, get out of the company and meet women you don't work with.  Deliberately begin a hobby like ballroom dancing or Latin dance, tons of women in those.

[Shelley]

I would like to clarify that I didn't say out and out ignore her, I actually said "kinda ignore her" the use of the slang "kinda" was deliberate to suggest a light hearted approach. 

 

It was to encourage the OP to take it slowly.

 

I agree the best course of action would be to ask her outright, but the OP's first post implied the direct approach had the opposite effect desired.

[889]

 "Speaking of which, how might one say agony aunt in chinese? Is there a similar occupation in Chinese culture?"

 

Wasn't there a radio show hosted by a woman with a very warm and understanding voice who took calls from listeners about their personal problems? Taxi drivers seemed to enjoy listening to it.

[RedPianoHongqin]

I’m dumb and clumsy especially towards relationships and courtships. I’ve never had such crazy feelings for someone for a Long time therefore I’m kinda lost. Been out of the game for a very Long time. 

 

[RedPianoHongqin]

I’m very well aware of the complications dating in a work place but I still want to risk it. I’ve lived my life with many regrets and I don’t want to regret not trying this time. 

[abcdefg]

7 hours ago, 889 said:

Wasn't there a radio show hosted by a woman with a very warm and understanding voice who took calls from listeners about their personal problems? Taxi drivers seemed to enjoy listening to it.

 

I think it was in Shenzhen or Dongguan a decade ago. Late at night. 

[abcdefg]

18 hours ago, RedPianoHongqin said:

I just want to hear other ppl opinions as I never liked a PRC girl so much before and unsure about their culture.

 

Hate to be the one to break it to you, but a "PRC girl" is not just one clearly-defined entity. It's not like ordering vanilla ice cream and being pretty sure what you will get. "PRC girls" come in many varieties. Different flavors, sizes, colors, states of mind. 

 

Where is this doomed drama playing out? China mainland, Singapore, or someplace else?