Study plan advice/suggestions

[Jabri]

Hello everyone, I just finish writing my study plan to apply for Taiwan scholarship, masters program in Industrial management. I'm in the process of finalizing my study plan, I've written few version of my study plan and here is the final 2 versions of it. Which one is better ? I really do appreciate if you can take some time to read my study plan and tell me which is better. Any suggestions or comments is welcomed. Thank you. 

 

Version 1

Industrial management is a comprehensive program that combines both the hard and soft skills. It teaches one to see things from a bigger picture, taking consideration from many different aspects and elements and cause the intensity of the problem to be visible. It enabled the optimization of technology along with human factors and ergonomics and give insight for student to make a sound decision. In modern world nowadays, there is a great need for the integration of technical skills, business and management in many fields from theme park to retail store, healthcare, and manufacturing. 

 

The future belongs to people that have a clear understanding between business, technologies and management. This are the people that would have a great impact in driving the society forward and makes our world a better place to live in. Through this program I will have the opportunity to dive deeper into a more advanced management knowledge,  enhanced my analytical skill and problem solving skill through it’s project and research curriculum and one of the things that really caught my eyes is to learn the evolution of high-tech industries and the development of firms competitives advantages. By developing these skills, it will not only make me a more valueable and attractive person in the job market but also as an employee that add real value to companies and society.  

 

Besides that, the interaction with people of different cultural and background in this program will definitely enrich my learning experiences in ways that can’t be explain. So I want to take this opportunity and walk on this journey with a learner attitude and with the right frame of mind. This program I believe will provide a good foundation for a student to become part of bright professional workforce. It will help me to develop a well-rounded personalities which leads to more influence and bigger job responsibility and indirectly give me an opportunity to land a career with a good salary, great career progression and satisfaction as well as continue to polish the potential inside me.

 

Version 2

 

Industrial management is a comprehensive program that combines both the hard and soft skills. It teaches one to see things from a bigger picture, taking consideration from many different aspects and elements and cause the intensity of the problem to be visible. It enabled the optimization of technology and give insight for student to make an appropriate decision. In modern world nowadays, there is a great need for the integration of technical skills, business and management in many fields from theme park to retail store, healthcare, and manufacturing. 

 

A skilled engineer who understand the crucial principles of business and how it relates to people, processes and management will have a competitive advantage. It has the advantages of being more influential as a result of developing a well-rounded personalities, bigger job responsibilities, a great career progression, an attractive salary and become part of a bright professional workforce. Apart from that, this program is also flexible and provides a wide range of scope for career options.   

 

Ultimately, industrial management I believe is one of those programs that trains one to be a future leader. For example, the famous global company, the current Apple CEO Tim Cook was an industrial engineer graduate and also Mike Duke, the fourth CEO of Walmart from 2009 to 2013 was also an industrial engineer graduate. Masters in this program will give me the tool and help me develop the qualities to be an outstanding leader in the future.