I need a little help

[BaronVonDarin]

I have a long time friend in Hong kong. I met her when I was in the service. She was a Intern medic traveling abroad. She wrote me this note. I have been studying mandarin for a few months but my ability to read pictograms is not up to measure. Could someone tell me what she wrote. 

I am not sure exactly I am working hard but I need more study. She just started acting a little different and usually she writes in English but she is throwing me for a loop. 

[889]

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[Geiko]

Quote

“我们曾如此渴望命运的波澜，到最后才发现，人生最曼妙的风景，竟是内心的淡定和从容。我们曾如此期盼外界的认可，到最后才知道，世界是自己的，与他人毫无关系。”这一段被署名为杨绛《一百岁感言》的话，显得淡雅睿智。被多人传播，甚至还有媒体节选了相关词句，作为怀念杨绛先生的文章标题。

 

What I marked in bold is the text on your photo. The whole text is here.

It seems to be a quote from Yang Jiang. 

[NinjaTurtle]

Baron,

I hope you are not looking at this maybe turning into a romance. If the two of you do not speak a common language, then it will not work out.

[Shelley]

I wouldn't advise giving up on this being a romance, I have to disagree that a common language is needed for love to bloom. If you are learning Chinese and she already speaks English I don't see this being a problem. 

 

I think it might make for an interesting relationship but not an impossible one. Anyway you have been friends for a while from what you say so you know more about whats going than we do.

[BaronVonDarin]

Well I have been diligent with my language for the last couple weeks. Study 3 hours a day and use audio at work. I am not looking for a romance but she did start getting jealous and acting different. I will be seeing her in march I just dont understand what's going on in her head and she knows I am not on that same line as her. My job is too dangerous for a family or romance. 

[Shelley]

8 hours ago, BaronVonDarin said:

My job is too dangerous for a family or romance. 

 

First line of a spy novel? I suppose you can't tell us any more or you will have to kill us all:) This is not a how you end a post.

[BaronVonDarin]

Sorry. I am a detective for the saint cloud police department. Not over glorified like a spy lol. I was in the hospital for about 6 days from a broken rib that punctured my lung from work. I have a few friends in china and many all over the world from when I was in the service. I am really working on my mandarin and it is pretty easy. I do speak fluent russian lol but that doesnt help with my post. But when I was in the hospital my friend Gao Shan started acting jealous and overly concerned for my health. So well this is me and that is why I am here. 

[BaronVonDarin]

She just keeps telling me I need a safer job and goes on about taking care of me. I am not blind I see she is feeling different but I just was not sure about her note. But you good people here answered my question and I thank you for that. 

[Karl Hungus]

23 hours ago, BaronVonDarin said:

I am a detective for the saint cloud police department. Not over glorified like a spy lol.

thats what a spy would say

and also...

23 hours ago, BaronVonDarin said:

I do speak fluent russian

thats what a spy would say

[BaronVonDarin]

Lol now you guys are just picking on me but thanks it's funny. I had spoke with Gao Shan last night. I put a little pressure on her and she admitted that she has feelings for me. So now I am in a tough spot and it may be my fault because I think she had received the wrong idea from a birthday gift I had sent her a couple weeks ago. Sigh.... she is a damn good woman in and out and i do not want to break her heart. I do have my own problems and I do not want to bring that into hers or anyone elses life. It's just simply complicated. But thank you all at this forum. The spy talk did make me laugh. I look back and see what you are talking about. I guess my writing voice is better suited for novels lol. 

[Shelley]

Yes it was all in good humour, not often we get a spy on the forum or ........have we? 

 

I hope it all works out for you.

[Dawei3]

 

On 10/7/2018 at 4:32 PM, BaronVonDarin said:

d Gao Shan started acting jealous and overly concerned for my health.

 

On youtube, either Laowhy86 or Serpentza did a video on having a Chinese girlfriend.  The things you described are indicative of someone seeing you as a marriage partner, i.e., jealously and extra concern for your health and safety.  In addition, they also noted that casual dating is somewhat rare in China.  That dating is often seen as synonymous a prelude to marriage.  An older video of theirs talked about the problems a friend of theirs faced when he broke up with a girl who assumed he would marry her.  

 

That dating can be seen as serious is also reflected in "personal ads" in China.  A personal ad in China is actually a "marriage recruitment ad".  I think the characters are 正婚广告*.  Obviously, this is very different than in the West.  

 

* I wasn't sure about the 1st character.... others can correct me.... 

[BaronVonDarin]

Well maybe I'm a blind spy lol but yes. She said something about being a wasted woman because she is 29. I get the idea culture wise here in the states it's a joke concept...well to me atleast. I know she mentioned in the last she was going to get married but recently found out she was cheated on while she was overseas. I dont blame her I can say the same thing happened to me when I was overseas. Ha hell I dont know. I do care about her. I have been around the world enough to understand and respect other cultures, but at the same time I dont like to cause people to worry. Lol year of the pig I guess. Maybe I need to step out of my comfort zone and go for it. I just need to break my military mentality and focus on what's next. You people here really did give some clarity. I have never been a social media type, but what the hell you all made me smile a little and kicked me in the ass in a good way. Thank you. 

[BaronVonDarin]

Maybe it's time I focus on what I want versus the people. Is it wrong to be selfish like that?

[Shelley]

Its not wrong to want things, but not at the expense of other peoples feelings. Its hard one, there is so much more to all this than we will ever be privy to on a public forum, any decisions must be your own.

 

Life is too short to wait and see but do look before you leap. You are an adult, you have experience, use your intelligence and experiences  to create wisdom that you can apply to life.

 

What ever you do be truthful with yourself and others, communication is the key to happy relationships, lovers or just friends.

 

Enjoy what ever you do.

[Dawei3]

5 hours ago, BaronVonDarin said:

She said something about being a wasted woman because she is 29.

Yes, in China they have a specific term for unmarried woman;  above around the age of 25, they start to get called "left over woman".  At above around 30, they get a different label.

 

Above 35 years old, there is a different term.  It's a term related to a fighting monkey from Japanese anime.  The wife of a Shanghainese couple who live in the US was explaining this to her husband & I.  The husband has been in the US many years and didn't know the latest terminology.  He understood the 2 lower level terms, but when it got to the monkey one, he was puzzled.  Then his wife explained "by 35 a single woman needs to fight for everything.'

 

A big surprise for me is that virtually all of my guy friends in China are married, whereas I know quite a few single woman who are in the 28-40 age range.  The women are intelligent, attractive women with nice personalities.  Many have a graduate degree.  It's tough surprisingly tough for them to find a guy.  While China has more men than women, they point out that this is mainly in rural areas.  And for my older friends, guys just aren't interested in them, despite their many favorable characteristics.  I'll point out:  from a Western perspective, these are very desirable women.  I can't say enough compliments about them.  They are "too old" and guys often want to feel superior to them; if the woman has a successful career, guys often aren't interested.  As they get "older", it gets worse. (it's weird to talk about a women in her late 20s as being seen as "old.")

 

 

[imron]

1 hour ago, Dawei3 said:

They are "too old" and guys often want to feel superior to them; if the woman has a successful career, guys often aren't interested.

The flip side of this is also true - if the man doesn't have as good an education and/or job then the women often aren't interested.

 

What this means is that for the most part, successful and accomplished women are competing for a small pool of successful and accomplished men, wherease the successful and accomplished men have a larger pool to choose from that includes women less successful and accomplished than they are.

 

This leads directly to the situation you described  where 'virtually all of my guy friends in China are married, whereas I know quite a few single woman who are in the 28-40 age range.'

[BaronVonDarin]

I did some reading on this. Just cultural differences. I cant lie and say I understand it since I am raised in a different perspective but I can also not judge it. 

[DavyJonesLocker]

I think this attitude of "30 and I'm left on the shelf" is changing in China. They are still a lot of 30+ yo single women in Beijing anyway. In any case there are a whole lot more who are divorced. Divorce rate is growing quite quickly every year in China (so I'm told anyway) so finding a suitable partner at any age is not to difficult. 

 

I guess the biggest issue would be for a divorced woman or man would be already having a kid. It's a big turn off for many. I would never consider it.