Technical Translation - Where Did I Go Wrong?

[LiMo]

I recently applied for some freelance translation in a field I'm familiar with. At least I thought I was familiar with it, according to the agency my test translation was not up to scratch. Seeing as it was my first try I suppose it's not surprising, but I didn't find it hard which in my experience usually means I did pretty well. They didn't give me any feedback, unfortunately, so I've decided to bare all and come here in the hopes of gaining some insight into where I went wrong. I'll post it below and maybe someone with more experience can point out any major mistakes. Thanks in advance!

 

 

遺傳多樣性與物種多樣性是生物多樣性的兩個基本層次，前者主要體現在種群內個體間的遺傳變異程度，後者主要體現在一個群落內物種的數量以及 每個物種的個體在群落中的分布均勻程度。Antonovics 指出，影響種群遺傳多樣性與群落物種多樣性的因素是相似的，即它們之間可能存在正相關性。然而，由於遺傳多樣性與物種多樣性為分屬不同學科的研究內容，關於二者之關系的研究在隨後的20多年裏並沒有實質性的進展。但是，近十年來開展的系列研究表明，環境特征可能對種群遺傳多樣性與群落物種多樣性產生平行效應。

 

 

Genetic diversity and species diversity are the two basic levels of biological diversity. The former is mainly embodied by the degree of genetic variation between individuals within a population. The latter is reflected in the quantity of species in a community, and the distribution of individuals between each species in a community. Antonovics points out that the factors influencing population genetic diversity and community species diversity are similar. Namely, there is a direct correlation between their mutual probabilities of existence. However, because genetic diversity and species diversity are the research subjects of different scientific disciplines, after more than 20 years, research into their relationship has yet to see any substantial progress. Nevertheless, a series of studies developed over the past 10 years have demonstrated that environmental characteristics can produce parallel effects on both population genetic diversity and community species diversity.

 

生境面積會對群落內物種的數量及種群大小產生影響。隨著生境面積的減少，群落內不同種群的規模也可能隨之減小。對於某些小種群而言，遺傳漂變很可能使種群內某些等位基因隨機丟失，造成遺傳多樣性的降低；遺傳多樣性降低的同時，一些個體數較小的種群也可能會產生局域滅絕，使群落物種多樣性降低。然而，因為等位基因和物種以花粉或種子擴散等方式在種群及群落間移動，由漂變而隨機降低的種群遺傳多樣性與群落物種多樣性又會隨之得以補充。因此，生境面積與隔離程度可能通過影響漂變、遷移等生態學過程，對種群遺傳多樣性與群落物種多樣性產生平行效應。

 

Habitat area can influence species number and population size within a community. The intra-community extent of different species is likely to also decrease as habitat area decreases. As far as some small populations are concerned, genetic drift is likely to cause certain alleles in the population to be randomly lost, leading to a decrease in genetic diversity; at the same time as genetic diversity is decreasing, some populations with few individuals may experience local extinction, thus decreasing community species diversity. However, because alleles and species, like pollen or seeds, are mobile throughout populations and communities, a population’s genetic diversity and a community’s species diversity that are decreased by drift and stochasticity, may in turn be replenished by these same mechanisms. Therefore, habitat area and degree of isolation can, through their effects on drift, migration and other ecological processes, produce parallel effects on population genetic diversity and community species diversity.

 

 

(Noticed I put 10 instead of ten ?)

 

[roddy]

I'd say you're being a bit too informed by the Chinese and could leave the source material a little further behind. A very hasty rewrite of the first few sentences, and with no knowledge of the topic and little reference to the source...

 

 

ZH:遺傳多樣性與物種多樣性是生物多樣性的兩個基本層次，前者主要體現在種群內個體間的遺傳變異程度，後者主要體現在一個群落內物種的數量以及 每個物種的個體在群落中的分布均勻程度。

 

YOU: Genetic diversity and species diversity are the two basic levels of biological diversity. The former is mainly embodied by the degree of genetic variation between individuals within a population. The latter is reflected in the quantity of species in a community, and the distribution of individuals between each species in a community.

 

ME: Two basic types (1)of biological diversity are genetic diversity and species diversity. Genetic diversity is(4) the degree of genetic variation between individuals within a population(2); species diversity the number of species in a community and species evenness (3). 

 

(1) I see no need to use levels here. Is one above the other? Perhaps, but it doesn't seem important. I don't like levels unless we're getting vertical information. 

(4) Out with your 主要體現在. I guess the 'mainly' should go back in for safety's sake*, but there's nothing worthy of embodiment or reflection here. 

(2) For my money, the 'latter' is too far from what it refers to, so it goes. Therefore so does the 'former'. 

(3) Looks to be the technical term, found by a Google of species diversity. 

*with reluctance. If you're not covering the non-main aspects of whatever you're talking about, I might prefer a 'generally' or 'broadly' at the start, rather than repeating 'mainly'. 

 

Anyway, bear in mind the initial caveats. 

[anonymoose]

6 hours ago, LiMo said:

Nevertheless, a series of studies developed over the past 10 years have demonstrated that

 

The subject "a series" is singular. Thus, the form of  the verb should be "has".

[陳德聰]

I am not familiar with the field at all, but I can point out some ommission/addition-type errors and perhaps some places where I would have opted for a different word:

8 hours ago, LiMo said:

遺傳多樣性與物種多樣性是生物多樣性的兩個基本層次，前者主要體現在種群內個體間的遺傳變異程度，後者主要體現在一個群落內物種的數量以及 每個物種的個體在群落中的分布均勻程度。Antonovics 指出，影響種群遺傳多樣性與群落物種多樣性的因素是相似的，即它們之間可能存在正相關性。然而，由於遺傳多樣性與物種多樣性為分屬不同學科的研究內容，關於二者之關系的研究在隨後的20多年裏並沒有實質性的進展。但是，近十年來開展的系列研究表明，環境特征可能對種群遺傳多樣性與群落物種多樣性產生平行效應。

 

 

Genetic diversity and species diversity are the two basic levels of biological diversity. The former is mainly embodied by the degree of genetic variation between individuals within a population. The latter is reflected in the quantity[number] of species in a community, and the [evenness of] distribution of individuals *between each[of each individual] species [with]in a[the] community. Antonovics points[ed] out that the factors influencing population genetic diversity and community species diversity are similar. Namely,[and that] there is a *direct correlation between their *mutual probabilities of existence[may be a positive correlation between them]. However, because genetic diversity and species diversity are[were] the research subjects[areas] of[belonging to] different *scientific disciplines, after[in the] more than 20 years [that followed], research into their relationship has yet to see *any[did not make] substantial progress. Nevertheless, a series of studies developed over the past 10 years have demonstrated that environmental characteristics can[may] produce parallel effects on both population genetic diversity and community species diversity.

I put asterisks where I believe you added words that didn’t exist in source text. Typically if you get the tense wrong in an exam, you only get marks off once, but I suspect that when applying for a job even once is enough to disqualify you. Antonovics made the connection in 1992, and the following 20+ years saw little progress in furnishing his claims (a la Google).

 

8 hours ago, LiMo said:

生境面積會對群落內物種的數量及種群大小產生影響。隨著生境面積的減少，群落內不同種群的規模也可能隨之減小。對於某些小種群而言，遺傳漂變很可能使種群內某些等位基因隨機丟失，造成遺傳多樣性的降低；遺傳多樣性降低的同時，一些個體數較小的種群也可能會產生局域滅絕，使群落物種多樣性降低。然而，因為等位基因和物種以花粉或種子擴散等方式在種群及群落間移動，由漂變而隨機降低的種群遺傳多樣性與群落物種多樣性又會隨之得以補充。因此，生境面積與隔離程度可能通過影響漂變、遷移等生態學過程，對種群遺傳多樣性與群落物種多樣性產生平行效應。

 

Habitat area can influence species number[the number of species] and population size within a community. The intra-community extent of different *species is *likely to also decrease as habitat area decreases[As habitat area decreases, the extent of different populations within the community may also decrease along with it]. As far as some small populations are concerned, genetic drift is likely to cause certain alleles in the population to be randomly lost, leading to a decrease in genetic diversity; at the same time as genetic diversity is decreasing, some populations with few individuals may experience local extinction, thus decreasing community species diversity. However, because alleles and species, like pollen or seeds, are mobile throughout[use methods such as spreading pollen or seeds to move between] populations and communities, a population’s genetic diversity and a community’s species diversity that are decreased by drift and stochasticity, may[can] in turn be [subsequently] replenished by these same mechanisms. Therefore, habitat area and degree of isolation can[may], through their effects on drift, migration and other ecological processes [such as drift and migration], produce parallel effects on population genetic diversity and community species diversity.

Keeping in mind that I know nothing about biodiversity at all, sentences like “the extent of different populations within the community may also decrease along with it” still basically mean nothing to me. I assume it means that there will be lower community species diversity in smaller habitat areas, but because I don’t know if 規模 being used as a specialised term here, I can’t go with my gut feeling and left it vague.

[889]

Have to say that for me, translating 也可能  as "is likely to" instead of "may" in a scientific paper is a big boo-boo. In many cases that would completely misstate the scientist's conclusion.

 

And you can't really take pride in a sentence like, "However, because genetic diversity and species diversity are the research subjects of different scientific disciplines, after more than 20 years, research into their relationship has yet to see any substantial progress."

 

That is, your English was a bit choppy because you followed the original structure too closely and you didn't pay precise attention to the original.

 

 

[LiMo]

Thanks, everyone, for your detailed and respectful replies. I have to say after seeing just how many mistakes I made I can't help but blush behind my computer screen. None of the issues lay in any of the places I expected e.g. the terminology, and seem to be much more fundamental. For example, not looking up Antonovics and so failing to figure out that the twenty years later comment could be linked directly to him instead of vaguely thrown in because I knew I couldn't omit it. Failing to double check the meaning of 以 and how it significantly changes the meaning of that sentence, a truly unacceptable not to mention ridiculously sloppy oversight. Annoyingly, I've been reading about translation for some time and one thing that they always say is do background research. I didn't even google the one guy named in the article. ?

 

I can't help but feel kind of defeated. I have to improve not just my Chinese but also my English! I've definitely been lulled into a false sense of security by watching too many poorly translated TV shows. I'll take this as a serious lesson and be much more thorough next time. I confess, and this will sound like an excuse but it's still quite silly so maybe it isn't, but I did it in about 40 minutes - without any prior experience. The full time allotted was three hours! That'll teach me to cram a translation in before going shopping. 

 

Thanks again everyone ?

[LiMo]

I have a question. This brief exchange has given me more insight in five minutes than I could possibly gain by myself in a whole day of studying. If I were to continue posting translations for feedback, would that be taking advantage? I suppose there's no obligation to respond, but I want to ask first because I'd hate to be a pest.

[889]

So that was your first draft? You didn't go back and do a thorough review and rewrite after you went shopping? And then let it sit again for a while and do a final polish before sending it off?

 

If not, I think we've found the problem.

[LiMo]

More like one and a half. I was waiting for my girlfriend to come back so she could look at it but she had a hectic day and took much longer than expected getting back. It was possible to pause the test but it would have gone over three hours then and I had that stubborn prideful feeling like I should get it done in the time expected. I let the timer run and she got back just in time to skim it, but neither of us went over it with a fine toothed comb. 

 

I'd like to say haste was my only failing but my technical knowledge is also quite rusty. Roddy pointed out species evenness which I actually recognise now, but I don't think it came up when I googled it. I know being able to use another language doesn't automatically mean you can translate stuff, that much I know, but self assessing in this area is quite difficult because of the need to get both languages just so exactly right. I did read over it many times, use multiple sources to check vocab, and googled stuff I was unsure of. It wasn't nearly enough though and I'll know for next time. 

[陳德聰]

I am willing to go over translations like this if they’re as short and there is no expectation that I’ll stamp them with my seal at the end. Finding mistakes is good practice.

 

Typically, in a 3 hour test from Chinese to English in which your first draft can be done in 40 mins, you should be spending time to look up every word you don’t instantly know with 100% certainty is translated the way you’ve done.

 

Then the remaining hour to hour and a half, I would spend going back and checking for addition/ommission issues, usually meaning going sentence by sentence and circling or striking through every element as you find it in your target text. For example, I suspect you would have found the “mutual probabilities of existence” error if you had done this.

 

Then at the very end you can read through to correct things you find that are just bad English.

[roddy]

I’m generally happy to comment on *short* translations. As in, a few sentences. I’m happier if specific questions are asked. 

 

“I can't help but feel kind of defeated. I have to improve not just my Chinese but also my English!”

 

I’ve said on here before: half of translation is writing. Read plenty and attentively in your target field. 

[889]

It sounds as if you approached this like a take-home exam, and as an exam paper it's not bad at all. There are a few of the sort of mistakes you'd expect on any exam under pressure, and the English reads like unpolished exam English. But it's pretty good for an hour. Even open-book. So take the criticism here in context.

 

Problem is, the end-game in this exercise was different from school. This was for a job, for an employer looking for a technically perfect -- perfect! -- English translation polished to a publishable level.

 

That is, you fatally misjudged the applicable standard.

 

This particular type of translation work does require a perfectionist attitude. A small mistake translating an aircraft maintenance manual could be deadly. Most people aren't perfectionists, though. And if you aren't, then maybe a different type of translation work would suit you better.

 

Just a thought.

 

[imron]

12 hours ago, LiMo said:

This brief exchange has given me more insight in five minutes than I could possibly gain by myself in a whole day of studying.

And this is why I always tell people to train what you want to learn.

 

There's no better way to find out where your problems are than to try - and then get stuck, and then have a concrete item to fix, which then improves your skills.

 

13 hours ago, LiMo said:

I can't help but feel kind of defeated.

On the contrary, this has been a real success!  Think of all the things you've learnt that will make your next translation better.

 

 

[LiMo]

@陳德聰 I imagine I can keep them short. And there's no need to worry, I'm not expecting anyone to give a definitive seal of approval, I will of course take 100% of the responsibility for my own work (I'll be up front if a translation is just practise work or if there's a client involved; I wouldn't expect the latter to come up anytime soon though as I'm by no means ready or fully committed to the field yet).

 

@roddy I will try to keep them focused on specific issues.

 

On 11/10/2018 at 11:25 AM, 889 said:

This particular type of translation work does require a perfectionist attitude. A small mistake translating an aircraft maintenance manual could be deadly. Most people aren't perfectionists, though. And if you aren't, then maybe a different type of translation work would suit you better.

 

@889  While I doubt my translations would ever be quite so crucial, I do take this very seriously and prior to this I had shied away from even considering technical translation because of how exact it has to be. That being said, I have dealt with situations where a high degree of accuracy was necessary, albeit in a different field, so I think my disposition is at least not completely unsuitable for such work. I'll have a good crack at it first and see which is the greatest limitation, my skill or my interest. 

 

@imron You are correct of course. It's been a day or two and I feel much better about it. I'm now collecting articles from the Taiwanese translations of Scientific American to eventually see how my translations measure up to the English originals. Even if I don't become a translator this process will definitely help me improve my vocabulary and reading ability, so it's not without its benefits.

[Flickserve]

On 11/10/2018 at 8:48 AM, LiMo said:

but also my English! 

 

You might want to have a read of books that explain how to write in the style of a research paper. 

[陳德聰]

If it makes you feel any better, it’s only a matter of time. I would say I was making mistakes as big as some of these about 5 years ago, and the fact some of those mistakes might be published out there actually haunts me occasionally. Just not enough to find and correct them after so many years.

[889]

If you prefer 简体字, there's also a Mainland version of Scientific American, now called 环球科学.

 

https://huanqiukexue.com/