Foreign Women And Dating In China.

[Pianote]

I'm 26 and am tired of being alone. I'm not desperate  but I would'nt mind having someone.

The city I live in in China does not have many foreigners,the foreign guys that are here seem to already have wives/girlfriends and I hear Chinese men are

very colorstruck and obsessed with whiteness which will not work since I am black.

Where is the best place to find a guy (online or in-person)?

 

Thanks

[Shelley]

I am sorry to say I think the best place for you is your own country. 

 

You have pointed out the reasons why it will be difficult in China and I wouldn't even contemplate looking on line.

 

You are only 26, enjoy this time on your own, if you think of it as on your own and not alone it won't seem so bad.

 

Be patient, the right person will come along at the right time. In the mean time go to places that you enjoy. If you enjoy reading go to libraries. In fact some of the libraries in China are beautiful and people spend hours reading and drinking coffee. If you like sports do that. This means you stand a chance of finding someone who likes the things you do.

 

Just be patient, it will happen.

 

EDIT:

P.S. I meant to say Bookshops not Libraries

 

 

[889]

Foreigners have a great advantage in China, being free of some of the social norms that constrain Chinese.

 

You should use that advantage!

 

In particular, if you come across someone you find interesting, make the first move.

 

And if you haven't yet come across anyone interesting, then you clearly need to get out more and widen your social circles.

 

[Ascheriit]

As a Chinese, I think you can find true love, but a large part of Chinese parents will not agree to the child to marry black people. This may be a kind of discrimination, but I still hope that you can be happy!

[Balthazar]

35 minutes ago, Shelley said:

I wouldn't even contemplate looking on line.

 

Why?

 

I was going to suggest one of the dating apps. Tan tan? It may have a bit of a mixed reputation, but I've heard stories of people (foreigners, of all colors) finding a suitable match there.

[Shelley]

52 minutes ago, Balthazar said:

Why?

 

I think its fraught with difficulties and unless you are tech savvy and very worldly and know how to protect yourself it could be a dangerous thing. The same could be said of meeting someone in a pub, club etc. The whole thing is problematic.

This is one reason I suggested her home country, there you could be introduced by family or friends or have know someone since childhood. again this doesn't negate any problems.

In fact its all a mine field of possible problems.

The OP has to decide what risks they want to take, just because I wouldn't do it doesn't mean they shouldn't.

The OP has asked for advice, that was my advice, as with all advice you can take it or leave it, its up to you.

 

[Balthazar]

44 minutes ago, Shelley said:

In fact its all a mine field of possible problems

 

Fair enough, but so are a lot of things in life. I don't really see how talking to someone through an app and then deciding on meeting up for a coffee/movie or something, is a "dangerous thing". Yeah, there's always a chance the person you're meeting is a serial killer, rapist or both, but with that kind of perspective... I think one is going to miss out on many opportunities in life. Finding a Chinese speaking tutor for private sessions could also be really dangerous.

 

44 minutes ago, Shelley said:

The OP has to decide what risks they want to take, just because I wouldn't do it doesn't mean they shouldn't.

The OP has asked for advice, that was my advice, as with all advice you can take it or leave it, its up to you.

 

Totally agree. Since OP is "tired of being alone", I vote for trying to meet someone. Don't really have any suggestions for where to meet people though, except the mentioned dating apps..

[Lu]

Dating is not easy in China for white foreign women, and I suspect it is even more difficult for black foreign women. A large proportion of foreign men end up dating Chinese women (either because they seek out those women, or because those women seek out them, or they just happen to end up with a Chinese woman since there are just a lot more Chinese women in China than foreign ones), and most Chinese men are also more interested in Chinese women. And if you do meet a Chinese man who is into foreign women, you need to make sure he's interested in you particularly and not just in any foreign woman.

 

So whichever way you go, online or bars or through friends, it's not going to be easy. Make sure you have other things in your life that make you happy, so that the lack of a romantic partner doesn't become a problem.

 

Having said all that, it certainly is possible. You can try online, or bars & clubs, but in general just make sure you go places and meet people, whether those places are happy hour at the expat bar or a book talk or hotpot with friends and friends-of-friends or a lecture on the arts and crafts of Nicaragua or etcetera.

 

And I think Shelley is a lovely person & forum member but I disagree with her on the dangers. Take regular precautions, such as first meeting in a public space, having your own transport to and from a date (be it a bike, taxi or metro), letting a trusted friend know where you're going and with whom. You may have some dodgy encounters, guys who want to move to fast and such, but you don't particularly need to fear for your life.

 

Good luck out there!

[Shelley]

Thank you Lu, I suppose i did rather overemphasised the dangers, but I think I was trying to err on the side of safety. It also depends on what sort of person you are, I will talk to anyone in a bar, in line at the bank, whilst shopping, on a train, well you get the idea. My friends say I am not backwards about coming forwards. So for me to strike up a conversation with someone is not difficult.

If the OP has been "brave" enough to travel many miles from her home country to a very different country and culture, I am guessing they have the courage to make new friends. As I said before go to places where there other people doing things you enjoy. If you go to a bar and make a new friend but hate drinking you are going to be miserable. 

 

I hope for the best for you @Pianote

[陳德聰]

If I think back to how I met my partner in China, it was a combination of online (apps are good for simple vetting, based on appearance, basic compatibility like do you speak the same language, etc.) and then a bar one would typically expect to find foreigners and Chinese people who for some reason enjoy being around foreigners.

 

How is your Mandarin shaping up? How comfortably you can communicate with someone in Mandarin will definitely influence the type of advice that is applicable to your situation.

[Flickserve]

I don’t date but I wouldn’t exclude dating apps.

 

Just have a healthy dose of common sense and be careful of scammers.

 

I would be prepared for it to take time as there are many negative hits. 

 

Knowing and learning mandarin can only help if you are interested in communication. You are in a great environment to try to learn another language (though it’s hard work!).

[DavyJonesLocker]

Tantan and just work the numbers . Swipe right, You can filter more afterwards.

 

It's a very popular app in China. No reason to limit it to your own city. 

[roddy]

The bigger the city you are in, the easier this will be... or at least, less difficult.

[ChTTay]

It depends if you has an interest in dating Chinese people. If you do, then I’d say it could be worth at least trying online dating. The advantage is no ambiguity as to why you’re there. Also, if you’re Chinese isn’t great you can scope out if you can communicate at all first. 

 

If you’re more interested in dating a foreign person then ... move to a bigger city. Don’t move just for that reason but you’ve already tried small city life so why not check out a big east coast city? 

[Pianote]

I downloaded Tantan, as some of you suggested, this evening and I've gotten a few matches.

What does it mean when you are swiping up and the person's pic says "super crush"?

[DavyJonesLocker]

1 hour ago, Pianote said:

I downloaded Tantan, as some of you suggested, this evening and I've gotten a few matches.

What does it mean when you are swiping up and the person's pic says "super crush"?

 

 

I think its that the really like you, people get 5 of these a day or something if you pay premium (I think). They way i see it, you have nothing to lose , can delete the people and app at any time. Although a word of warning, more than a few woman have told me there are some idiotic male perverts on there sending nude photos so you may have to do a lot of blocking!

 

 

 

[Lu]

3 hours ago, DavyJonesLocker said:

Although a word of warning, more than a few woman have told me there are some idiotic male perverts on there sending nude photos so you may have to do a lot of blocking!

I suspect that goes for absolutely every dating app or dating site that has a decent amount of men on it. Block, ignore, report, whichever works best for you.

[grawrt]

I know Tinder tends to have a bad reputation but I've had the best experiences with tinder as opposed to the 3 chinese-dating apps i've used (which are pretty much all really gross.) TInder is good because you tend to get Chinese guys who have at least gone abroad once in their life, which means that your foreignness is not as foreign to them. 

 

 

[happy_hyaena]

Funny story - when I spent my semester  in China, I stayed in a big cheap hotel-esque apartment building that housed some domestic tourists but mostly served as long term accommodation for the students. Located on campus, it was just across from the building where we had classes.
 

I had downloaded Tantan to make more friends, talk to more Chinese people etc (not necessarily for anything non-platonic) and it was nice. The girls were friendly and were willing to humor me and my basic Chinese, even provide me with long explanations on grammaical points. One day I matched up with an American girl and it went well, but she had to leave the country like ASAP so it couldn't go any further than that.

While annoying, it did open me up to the idea of at least trying to match with foreigners and taking a more relaxed stance. So I came up with the brilliant idea of reducing the "distance to" parameter from encompassing the city, to a 0 km radius (i.e., my building). This caused the app to go crazy and start listing me people who lived WAY OFF, like several provinces away. I didn't even notice this fully until I matched up with a girl 250 km away on the other side of Jiangsu province. But her and I hit it off, I ended up visiting her and then we travelled together to Shanghai. 2 years later we still keep in touch and I'll probably visit her on my next trip. Like you Pianote I'm also Black and her opening line was "you look like NBA player" haha.

 

So yeah, I had a good time on Tantan. Besides those friendly people I previously mentioned I also matched with a stripper/prostitution bot, and an older woman who invited me to watch a movie with her and then invited 3 other guy friends of hers she could show me off to. It pissed me off then to be so blatantly used, but she did end up paying for my meal and drive me home in the rain so I guess it wasn't that bad in the end.

[Pianote]

Update: I hooked up with a guy from tantan while I was on vacation this week. It'd been a long time..