Grammar of this short essay

[BlackSpade]

I've written myself a short essay given the words. I would like to check if it's grammatically correct?

 

我在练习我的书写。有谁可以帮我改一下我写了的短文妈？题目就是要全部使用下列的词语， 写一篇80字左右的短文。

元旦， 放松， 礼物， 表演， 善良

每年的元旦，人们都会觉得放松的缓步到寺庙祈福。然后，每一家人都会在美味的饭店聚会，一起吃饭。某某饭店有时会安排小表演给客人看。吃完了饭，父母会比较心地善良地买礼物给孩子。

[Publius]

我在练习我的书写①写作。有谁可以帮我改一下我写了②的短文妈吗？题目就是要全部使用下列的词语， 写一篇80字左右的短文。

元旦， 放松， 礼物， 表演， 善良

每年的元旦，人们都会觉得放松的缓步③带着放松的心情到寺庙祈福。然后，每一家人都会在美味的④饭店聚会，一起吃饭。某某饭店有时会安排小表演给客人看。吃完了饭，父母会比较心地善良地⑤买礼物给孩子。

 

① 书写 is for handwriting.

② 了 does not mean past tense. There is no tense in Chinese, only aspect. 了 is used to signify the completion of an action, which in the case of 我写的短文 is redundant.

③ Extremely awkward sentence and the wrong "de". Needs complete rewrite.

④ 美味 is used to describe food, not the place where food is served.

⑤ 心地善良 is seldom used adverbially, plus it's not the right word to describe parent-child relationship. It's more appropriate in a stranger-stranger context.

[BlackSpade]

Ok. Thanks for your suggestions and correcting the sentences.