Waiting years for a wedding ceremony (after legally married)?

[DavyJonesLocker]

22 hours ago, Brian US said:

 

For her to insist this is a very common practice in my home country

 

 

She's way off there in my view

 

[Balthazar]

3 hours ago, Brian US said:

I don't quite follow this question, I feel marriage can be the marking of the beginning of something new, and is a specific event.

 

But is it the "legal" registration with the relevant government body or the ceremony and celebration that is the actual event and the marking of the new beginning?

 

It used to be the case that marriage marked something "new", back when people waited to move in together (or even to have sex, or at least pretended to, symbolized by the white gown) until after the marriage. Some people still follow that tradition, but they're definitely a small minority in the west. Nowadays the couple will typically have been living together for one or several years before marrying. So while marriage may still contain something new in terms of commitment, there's nothing dramatically new happening in the day-to-day life of the couple after  the marriage. I agree that it's an event (although I don't find it all that strange to separate the legal and ceremonial parts  in time), but the practical changes it brings about are not as big as those in the analogies you uses, IMO. At least they weren't for me and my wife, perhaps my view is colored by that

 

As for why someone would chose to register as married years before having the ceremony and party, I think it has to do with the legal commitment part, the rights and obligations of both parties to the marriage which apply as soon as the marriage is registered (and some places, consummated). I am guessing many parents in China and elsewhere would feel more comfortable with their child moving together with his/her partner of choice if they were legally married, and that the kids oblige (or they themselves feel like being legally married adds a bit of safety). The waiting for the ceremony part then comes down to saving up enough money (unless the parents sponsor the whole thing) for a ceremony and/or car+apartment, or finishing studies, or finding employment, or a combination of these.

[Lu]

But postponing celebrations is not uncommon at all. Sure, an office welcome party is done at the beginning or not at all, as is a graduation party, and a postponed baby shower just becomes a 'visiting the new baby' thing. But the others:

- House warmings often happen once the person has settled down a bit and unpacked most of the boxes. This can easily take months. And if the first party that takes place in the house happens after two years, it can easily be called a house-warming.

- Funeral: 'celebrations of life' are not uncommon in some countries, as I hear. The burial has to be a quick affair, but funeral, where everyone gets together, says nice things about the deceased and eats cake, can happen months later. There is at least one culture in Indonesia where even the actual burial is postponed until all preparations are ready, all relatives have booked their tickets and enough money has been found to make it really big. And this can take years.

- Honeymoon: as you mentioned, postponing this is really common.

 

The main reason Westerners don't have a postponed wedding more often is I think that we insist on having the official part and the festive part on the same day. The official part being rather festive in itself is the norm in our culture: the couple wears special clothes, many guests are there, the officiant has a festive speech of some type. If our official part was totally boring, like in China, we would also see more postponed weddings: a couple getting married quickly for practical reasons (because they are buying a house/having a baby/moving abroad) and having a party later.

[Brian US]

I agree with what everyone has mentioned, but I would just go back to my main point. As an American, waiting 2+ years for a wedding ceremony from legally getting married is unusual. Yes, it happens, and I now understand this is very common in China, but this is not the case in the US (hence the surprised reaction to my co-worker).

[道艺]

Definitely just comes down to a culture difference. 

 

Do remember that US is often the exception to many things, not the norm. I'd go out on a limb and say the majority of the world does not move in together until marriage/children, which may be seen as cultural traditions, but in my guess, more due to economic constraints. Just as the majority of the world does not have the expectation to get kids out if the house at 18. Just as it took so long for college immediately after high school to be the norm in society, or even attending higher education at all. 

[Flickserve]

https://sports.sina.cn/others/badmin/2019-05-02/detail-ihvhiqax6312381.d.html?from=wap

 

these two haven’t had a wedding banquet yet and the baby has now been born. The Olympic Games qualification is getting in the way.