Boreout in Shanghai

[Susi12]

I have intentionally choosen a "dramatic" headline - I don't think there is a really chance to experience a bore out in Shanghai but well - let me explain.

 

First of all, this is an absolute luxury problem. I am "stuck" in a suburb of Shanghai being a pampered expat-wife. I was supposed to work here, but when we arrived in Shanghai my job got canceled last minute. There are a lot of wifes here (unfortunately, it's always the guys working) but I haven't found something something smart to occupy myself with, apart from writing (unsuccessful) applications and learning Chinese.

 

I'm quite fed up with the expat community because all the wonderful ladies seem to do here all day is care for their kids, cook, decorate the house and personal beauty. Unfortunately, apart from caring for my kids, neither of these hobbies are for me and I feel exceptionally bored. I never felt bored before in my life. I'd rather work but finding work is slow and hard as a foreigner. Also, the following things complicate exploring life in the city:

- I have a 6 month old baby I have to take with me anywhere (can only be apart from him max. 2h)

- we live 1 h from the city center in one of the beautiful but outlying suburbs

 

Again, I know this is an absolute luxury problem but still I somehow feel I don't fit into this rigid pattern of stay-at-home-expat wife and just want to break out. I try to learn 4 h of Chinese every day but this alone is a lonely hobby.

 

Tell me, what would you do in this situation with all your free time in Shanghai?

[Lu]

I sympathise. Being a pampered expat wife certainly is a luxury, but at the same time absolutely not an enviable position, if you ask me. In your shoes I would also be bored out of my gills and probably get pretty depressed.

 

For the following ideas, I'm assuming money is not an issue.

- As to the baby, can you get a nanny? And is there any way you can extend the time the baby can be away from you? That way you could eventually at least go into town by yourself without having to go back as soon as you get there. Or perhaps you can bring the nanny to town, 'park' her somewhere comfortable nearby you and have her bring the baby to you every two hours? (I don't have children, forgive me for the suggestion if this is completely impractical.)

- Is there any way you can organise the smart activities that you crave in/near your home? Invite a knowledgeable speaker, or read a book and invite its author, or something else along those lines. I guess you'd need some kind of network to find such speakers (and a few guests), but you wouldn't even need the thing to be hugely succesfull or very well-attended if you get your fix at least.

- Could you get a private teacher to come to your place for the Chinese lessons? It would make the hobby less lonely. Or even get a small class going? There must be at least one other smart bored expat wife interested in learning Chinese, if you ask around real hard.

- Are there online classes about your own profession/field that you could take? It would still be lonely, but at least it would be a nice challenging activity, and it might come in useful in finding work or growing in your profession.

- Is there some kind of volunteer work you could do? I don't know if that is easier to find than regular work. Or some kind of online volunteering for an organisation in your home country? (An example I'm thinking of is helping immigrants to your country of origin with practising your language, but there must be other possibilities too.)

 

Do you know of any activities going on in Shanghai that you wish you could join? If not, you need to tap into that somehow as well. There must be Facebookgroups or something like that. I don't know specifics apart from a WeChat group called Literary Shanghai. If that's your thing, let me know and I'll be happy to try and get you on there.

 

Good luck, I hope things get better soon.

 

[Demonic_Duck]

Check out https://www.meetup.com/, search with Shanghai, CN under Neighborhood, city or zip (I can't share a link to the results page because for some reason the URL doesn't include the city when you search). You can leave the main search field blank or use it to refine the search by topic. If you're not sure events will be baby friendly, you can always contact the organizers to check (or look into getting a nanny as Lu suggested).

 

Other than learning Chinese, what are your interests? Possibly people can recommend something more specific based on those.

[abcdefg]

On 11/30/2023 at 9:33 PM, Susi12 said:

Tell me, what would you do in this situation with all your free time in Shanghai?

 

Give free conversational English lessons in my home to children of local Chinese friends. It would be a way to meet people, open doors, and give something back to the community. Having your baby nearby during lessons would not pose a problem. 

 

I did something similar once when I had newly arrived in town (Kunming.) Some parents tried to pay me. I declined that, but told them what I would really appreciate is if they took me to lunch every now and then at simple neighborhood eateries which they liked. Explained that it would help me learn the best places for a simple meal. That it would help me get to know my neighborhood. Worked out very well. 

 

"Oh, I know this really good small Mom-and-Pop noodle joint that only has six tables, but they make the best pan-fried dumplings 锅贴, off the menu, that I've ever tasted. Let me take you there today. I'm sure you will love it."

 

Once I remember asking some parents where they thought the best roast duck 烤鸭 was to be had in our neighborhood. This led to three different "expeditions" with three different parents on three different days. Educational and fun. The bonus, of course, was that I got to practice and refine my roast duck lingo (ordering and eating,) coached by a native speaker.   

[Susi12]

Hey guys,

 

happy to hear from you and thanks for your answers. This has already been very helpful   I'll answer some of the questions you wrote.

 

On 12/1/2023 at 10:25 PM, Lu said:

As to the baby, can you get a nanny?

Yes, I have a nanny at hand - just right now as baby lives of my body it's not much of a difference ? This will get better soon as baby will start regular food.

 

On 12/1/2023 at 10:25 PM, Lu said:

Is there any way you can organise the smart activities that you crave in/near your home?

Guess that's my problem. I've always worked full time and had a family in my free time. Which hobbies? I am just to boring! But actually this dialogue has helped me see this problem far more clear....

 

On 12/1/2023 at 10:25 PM, Lu said:

Could you get a private teacher to come to your place for the Chinese lessons?

She comes twice a week... even payed for by the company. "Pampered" is just the word...

 

On 12/1/2023 at 10:25 PM, Lu said:

Are there online classes about your own profession/field that you could take

That's another excellent point. I found the idea hard because I have a very good education in my field (PhD) but of course, you always have to stay on top of current developments. I'll look into that.

 

On 12/1/2023 at 10:25 PM, Lu said:

Is there some kind of volunteer work you could do?

Yes, there might be. But honestly, I haven't found something interesting yet. Most expat life evolves around the school here, but decorating the school for Christmas and so forth has not hit my interest just yet (but, again good point, I haven't searched for something meaningful yet).

 

On 12/7/2023 at 12:02 PM, Demonic_Duck said:

Check out https://www.meetup.com/,

Very interesting source I will try. After first scan, I have only found activities 30+ minutes driving... But I will certainly try some of this, especially the language exchange.

 

On 12/7/2023 at 9:33 PM, abcdefg said:

Give free conversational English lessons in my home to children of local Chinese friends.

That's a real highlight, dude. I'm not a native English speaker but well we have our our language school so there are enough families around interested in their kids learning my native language properly. May I ask, how did you find the families that were interested in this? This will be a bit more challenging for me as I also have my kid around when these kids are out of school but I will take a shot at this. Wonderful idea!

 

Thanks all  

 

[suMMit]

Learn how to cook Chinese food. Learn some other Chinese skill like taijiquan. Learn how to paint or play guitar. Teach your language on italki. 

 

If I had unlimited free time, I think I would set myself days long challenges of zero speaking/ listening/reading to any English, in order to improve my Chinese skills. 

[abcdefg]

On 12/9/2023 at 10:30 PM, suMMit said:

Learn how to cook Chinese food.

 

Yes, yes, and yes. Food is a terrific cultural bridge. Asking a middle-aged local vendor at the market what he or she thinks the best way to cook the squash or corn or peas that they sell opens so many doors. Sharing what you have created with friends, foreign or local, also forges connections. 

 

Agree with @suMMit on the other suggestions as well. We have similar approaches to becoming part of the local scene. I did my best to surround myself with people who didn't know how to speak English. It got to the point that when I was alone I even talked to myself in Chinese. Instead of "where in the world did I put my glasses?" it was 我的眼镜在哪里啊？

[Lu]

On 12/9/2023 at 1:45 PM, Susi12 said:

I found the idea hard because I have a very good education in my field (PhD)

Sounds like you could perhaps teach a class online in your field then. Or give a lecture series at home, for any interested parties. Or a guest lecture at a local university, if you can plan it around the baby's needs.

 

So glad to hear the suggestions here were helpful already! I hope you find some more fulfilling things to do with your time soon. Let us know how you get on.

[cncorrect]

On 12/10/2023 at 8:32 PM, abcdefg said:

Instead of "where in the world did I put my glasses?" it was 我的眼镜在哪里啊？

I would say '我眼镜呢？' in real life. The above sentence is translated. I just would not say it like that.

[abcdefg]

On 12/14/2023 at 11:09 PM, cncorrect said:

I would say '我眼镜呢？' in real life. The above sentence is translated. I just would not say it like that.

Yes, I agree. Thank you. That's why I always made an effort to hang out with native speakers and talk Chinese all the time. It allowed me to gradually smooth out bad-sounding textbook phrases and adopt more "native" and "natural" ways of saying things. Often, like this example, they are "more economical," less "wordy." 

 

Now, unfortunately, I have moved back to the US and am no longer immersed. My colloquial Chinese is sliding away.