A Short Asian Values Survey: Life As An Asian

[icyweebee]

Hi!

I am a graduate student in the Psychology doctoral program at Loma Linda University. My research lab currently has a study that examines Asian cultural values. We are seeking Asian participants and it would be SO helpful if you would take this really short survey. IT ONLY TAKES 5 MINUTES TO COMPLETE!

I know your time is valuable, so for your convenience, I have placed this survey online. All you have to do is click on the link at the bottom of this message, and the survey will immediately open.

Here is a link to the survey:

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.asp?A=65793723E7150

Thank you in advance for your time.

Irene A. Yu, M.A.

Psychology Graduate Student

Adult Development Lab Research Assistant

[Outofin]

I took it. Although there're a bunch of questions, most of them are same, about family values and social norms.

I don't think Chinese tell their children to hide their feelings, that's not true. But Americans do tell their children to show their feelings. This becomes a technique to learn, even for adults. To me, it's a fact that not being able to control one's emotion is naive. And, this is definitely no good for your career, marriage, friendship, all in all, relation with others. From a mathematical perspective, unleashing bad feelings onto others is not an efficient way to keep the health condition of the whole group, if it doesn't bring it down. Contrary to common believes, I think controling your feeling is a basic and good technique to learn. It's good for yourself, your family, your friends, and it's helpful for beating your enemies. I mean, don't always to show or to hide, but I'd like to stress on the "hide" part.

For children, it's a different issue. Because they all have issues, and parents are supposed to know.

[icyweebee]

hi, Outofin! thanks for taking the time.

i liked your comments, but i was wondering what you meant by "mathematical." sounds interesting.

[bhchao]

I also took the survey. It is a quite interesting survey with a lot of questions on family; especially adhering to familial norms and expectations, or safeguarding the family reputation.

It should be interesting to see which Asian ethnic group on your survey placed the greatest emphasis on family values.

This is a little off topic, but the residents in Okinawa, Sardinia, and Loma Linda (who have the highest life expectancies) in the November issue of National Geographic all placed family first.

Regarding controlling your emotions, I think it is common sense that letting your emotions control or dictate your actions can have devastating consequences on your personal and professional life, as well as your relationships with others. It is an issue of self-awareness to begin with.

[Outofin]

but i was wondering what you meant by "mathematical." sounds interesting.

What I was thinking was, if we set up a model for the emotion index for a group of 10 people, and simulate their behaviors and results on their health conditions. Say, if one’s emotion becomes -10, he gets sick. If one shares the bad emotion with others, his index raises to -5 and won’t be sick, but if all others are decreased to -2. Is this a good way for the whole group? Of course, the model's output depends on how you set up the parameters.

What I mean is, if I tell my parents my issues, they will get heart attacks. So I’d rather let myself being low than letting them worry for me. It’s really common sense. I don’t understand why “sharing your feelings” is so encouraged, even though sharing should only happen in some rare cases, like immature children to their relatively strong parents. And, (the example I’m giving could be funny), please ask for permission before sharing your feelings. Remember what happened in Friends when Chandler told Ross about his obsessions? Ross yelled, “I said “share”, not “scare”!” I rarely open to others, I take good care of myself. I don’t know if this is my personality or it’s an “Asian Value”.

Since we got some discussions here, let me say more about other things.

Regarding modesty, I do appreciate it. An expert being modest only makes me respect him more. But on the other hand, the behavior doesn’t help information go through. It increases social costs for one to get right information, distinguishing between a real expert and an irrelevant guy. If I may say it, modesty is a kind of lie, isn’t it?

Regarding shame, a certain degree of shame is really good. I identify an overrated and sometimes misused educational “slogan” here, that is “be yourself”. If a child’s academic score is low, a child with certain self-esteem will feel shame, no matter he’s asian or not. But, some families try to remove the shame from their lives, which looks to me is absolutely wrong. What do we get? Above average academic achievements from Asian children. But shame brings its down side, unconfidence. So it’s really a double edged sword. As long as you don’t feel unconfident, higher expectation and shame it results is good.

Regarding 孝 (Xiao), the way you treat your parents. I learned from my family. My uncle’s wife, my aunt, really wants to have my grandma, her mother-in-law’s favor. Since when I was a child, I see her extraordinary efforts and patience to please my grandma and so far, not very successful. My grandma, sorry for saying that, is not very reasonable to her children. When some bad words come from my grandma, my aunt swallows it. I have to say this is so unfair. But that’s what I learned, don’t argue with your parents when you grow up and they become old people. Swallow it.

As a side note, in your survey, you ask for age. It’s possible that young people don’t understand Xiao and older people do. It could mean Xiao is given up by society, or it could really be a progress of the life. When you bear a child, you start to learn something.

[icyweebee]

hmmm, really interesting points. about your model, i'm wondering if sharing emotions with others would necessarily lower their index. sounds like what you're saying is consistent with "traditional" asian values of viewing emotional self-control as a personality strength. perhaps sharing as a means of being connected with someone, rather than burdening/putting responsibility on someone?

regarding shame and achievement. there's two theories about this. one is for people who view their abilities as malleable and the other is for those who view their abilities as stable. if you think that your abilities may increase with effort, then you are more likely to feel confident about your abilities, particularly when you're being challenged (you see it as a learning experience). however, if you think that your abilities are fixed, then you will more likely be insecure and try to demonstrate that to others. moreover, you'll probably be more insecure because failure will be seen as a personal flaw, rather than not enough effort. i think that shame is not a good method of motivation, even though it is pervasive among asians. it is fear-based and very unhealthy. there are better ways of motivating people, such as encouragement, positive and negative reinforcement, and empathy. growing up in a traditional asian family, i have felt my share of shame. i just think that there are alternative motivators that lead to achievement (and other things).

[Outofin]

sounds like what you're saying is consistent with "traditional" asian values of viewing emotional self-control as a personality strength. perhaps sharing as a means of being connected with someone, rather than burdening/putting responsibility on someone?

Yep, I reconfirm, emotional self-control is a personality strength. Not unhealthy at all.

Sharing itself is quite netrual, all depends on the context.

it is fear-based and very unhealthy. there are better ways of motivating people, such as encouragement, positive and negative reinforcement, and empathy.

If you are now at your 30s, and hope yourself could be taller, you feel unnecessarily shameful. Trust me, Asians know this.

I’m not sure if the shame I talk about is the shame in your mind. For example, I think people here feel shameful after Katrina. In many many movies, I see the sparks of shame, like Spiderman, Dare Devil, American Beauty, Godfather... just too many. That’s the shame I talk about.

But as I think further on this. I got some points here. And, they’re very DUMB points. I think, no one really likes shame. But, we don’t have to avoid it with an effort, to maintain your image or for some other reasons. It’s not a negative thing that we should seek alternatives for.

It's all about expectation and reality. Like anger. If you expect your money manager to serve you well but he doesn’t, which means he doesn’t meet your expectation, you feel angry. If you expect yourself to publish a book but you couldn’t, which means yourself don’t meet your expectation, you feel shameful. Now you see the similarity? Anger and shame. Of course they’re both unhealthy. But can you handle them? You don’t say “I am not angry”, you say, “I should handle my anger in a good way.” Let the anger change your money manager’s behaviors or maybe your own choice on him. Similarly, don’t say “I don’t feel shameful”, say “I should handle my shame in a good way”. Work harder to meet your expectation, or give up your dream. Either this way or the other way.

If you feel shameful, that’s completely natural. There’s nothing to be shamed for being shameful. It IS a motivation, but it’s NOT a purposely designed motivation. It’s just your natural feeling and your positive way to handle it.

[gato]

Regarding 孝 (Xiao), the way you treat your parents. I learned from my family. My uncle’s wife, my aunt, really wants to have my grandma, her mother-in-law’s favor. Since when I was a child, I see her extraordinary efforts and patience to please my grandma and so far, not very successful. My grandma, sorry for saying that, is not very reasonable to her children. When some bad words come from my grandma, my aunt swallows it. I have to say this is so unfair. But that’s what I learned, don’t argue with your parents when you grow up and they become old people. Swallow it.

孝 (Xiao) may be a good thing, but I wonder what the consequences are when there is an absence of an equal emphasis by the society on the respect parents should give their children and in-laws (and more generally, the proper respect and regard authority figures should give to their underlings).

[yorkie_bear]

i started filling it in, and then realised it was for those living / brought up in the states....?