Chinese weddings with a church ceremony

[bhchao]

How many of you married your spouse at the altar in a church ceremony? Depending on your culture, what traditional formalities did you have to go through prior to the reception? I have a circle of friends from high school, many of which are Buddhist, who recently tied the knot and just had the wedding reception. We all are approaching the big 30 next year, and about half of us are either married or engaged. The remainder of us are aiming to be the next one.

One of my friends who got married three weeks ago here in the States just had the wedding reception at the hotel since he was Buddhist. However the bride and groom dressed as if they were supposed to dress in a church ceremony (tux and wedding gown), and posed for professional photography prior to the wedding reception.

When I do get married, most likely there will be a church ceremony (provided that my girlfriend concur) since my mother's side of the family is Christian.

About 15 years ago, one of my mother's close Chinese friends married a Jewish woman, and the wedding ceremony was held in the backyard of the bride's family home. The vows were done in accordance to the traditional Jewish ceremony.

[chris2005]

I have come across many Chinese / Christian weddings in Singapore which are a mixture of the two traditions. Before the wedding day, an appointed 'matchmaker' might arrange an exchange of dowry / hong baos / candy, and mediate a discussion of the wedding dinner (how many tables the bride's family are 'entitled' to, courtesy of the groom's family). On the day itself, there might be a morning wedding service in church, and an afternoon tea ceremony, followed by a Chinese wedding dinner in the evening. And during the day, depending on the dialect group, the groom might have to bribe the bride's sisters to let him into her house to collect her; a roast pig might have to be exchanged, etc. The bride usually wears a Western (white) bridal dress in the morning, and changes into a cheongsam or similar for the dinner.

chris2005

[Ian_Lee]

Bhchao:

Though I wasn't married in the Church, I had been attending Chinese wedding ceremony as "Best Man" for half dozen times.

In some occasions, the bride or the bridegroom became baptized only weeks before the wedding. And of course, they hardly went to church again after wedding.

But for Chinese wedding, even though the bride dresses in western gown in the Church in the morning, she has to change back into traditional Chinese costume during the banquet in the night time.

Actually my wife changed dress THREE times during the wedding banquet.

In US, the Chinese wedding has been much simplified.

Anyway, neither my sister nor her husband is Christian. But they got married in the 24-hr chapel in Vegas.

[bhchao]

But for Chinese wedding, even though the bride dresses in western gown in the Church in the morning, she has to change back into traditional Chinese costume during the banquet in the night time.

Yep, that is the norm nowadays.

Ian, have you ever been invited to be emcee at a wedding banquet? My friend who got married 3 weeks ago erred by choosing the wrong person (another friend of us) to be his emcee at the reception. What did that designated emcee do? He made the bride and groom do something at the reception that you would not normally do. The groom during his high school years always bragged that he wanted to do this with his future wife (something explicit that I prefer not to mention). Well our emcee friend made him live up to his word at the wedding reception, much to the groom's chagrin.

While the bride and groom were in the process of doing the activity, the groom noticed the facial expressions of the bride's parents. Everyone in the reception hall cheered the bride and groom on, but the bride's parents didn't look too happy. So the groom grabbed the microphone away from the emcee, and quickly changed the subject.

It was no big deal with the groom afterwards since we were all childhood buddies, but the emcee certainly embarrassed him in front of his future in-laws!

[skylee]

something explicit that I prefer not to mention

I have not been to wedding banquets for a couple of years (all friends are married now) and do not know how they are like today. But such "performance" used to disgust me. I remember that the last two banquets I went to were quiet and respectable. Perhaps it had to do with the age of the wedding couples (the younger the merrier) and religious background?

[Quest]

something explicit that I prefer not to mention

What is it?

[Ian_Lee]

Bhchao:

The weddings that I had been as "Best Man" did not involve this kind of explicit action.

However, after Shark Fin soup was served in the banquet, that was the time all those groom's buddies came to "ganbei" with the groom. I had a sacred duty to ganbei on behalf of the groom.

By that time, they were not so health conscious to only drink Red and White wines.

It was usally XO. And after two full glasses of XO, I could still drive the bride's girlfriends back home.

Another sacred duty was in the day time when we escorted the groom to the bride's house. We were the negotiators -- starting from an offer of "Lai See" of $99 (when the other side asked for an astronomical $9,999), Usually the deal would settle for $2,999 or $3,999.

But once a groom was so mad for the extortion and ran away. We had to chase him back!

Another sacred duty was to get the whole roasted piglet from the roasted food shop in the afternoon and take it to the bride's house. (Now it is so funny that they consolidated everything on one day -- including ordering the roasted piglet before the bride is proved to be still a virgin)

Anyway, Chinese wedding is so demanding and exhausting. The one I had lasted 2 days while my brother's 3 days.

When we were having honeymoon, we were so tired that went to bed at 7 p.m. for the whole week.

[skylee]

What do you call 兄弟/戥穿石 and 姊妹 in English? Second best men and bridesmaid's maids?

[wiz_oz]

Very interesting that the roasted piglet is related to the chastity of the bride. Never knew thar before.

[Ncao]

Another sacred duty was to get the whole roasted piglet from the roasted food shop in the afternoon and take it to the bride's house. (Now it is so funny that they consolidated everything on one day -- including ordering the roasted piglet before the bride is proved to be still a virgin)

I didn't know people still do this.

[bhchao]

I went to my friend's wedding in Manhattan's Chinatown over the weekend, and the bride and groom had to bow three times before each of their relatives on the stage during the banquet. Each of the relatives took turns sitting on chairs on the stage while the bride and groom performed their bowing routines.

The whole process took almost two hours. Good thing the guests get to concentrate on eating the sumptuous feast during this process.

The bride wore a western gown at the beginning of the banquet, then changed to a traditional Chinese, red dress later on in the banquet.

[Long Zhiren]

My wife and I are both Christian and normally observe Christian functions in high-church settings, so naturally, we had a fully high-church Christian wedding in the US all in English and in our own church building with our own pastors.

Beloved wife is of German ancestry, and me Chinese.

The rehearsal dinner was almost fully Chinese in a well-decorated Chinese restaurant. It would have been full Chinese except that we intentionally pared down the exoticness of the food for certain guests' palates In other words, the fish & chicken heads, etc were removed prior to presentation. Squid and jellyfish presence was kept to a minimum. No civet cat, raccoon or dog drop soup .

At the reception, I gave a bilingual toast. Hors d'oeuvres were all of Eastern European style. The dinner was western too. Table prayers at dinner were also bilingual, phrase by phrase translated from English to Mandarin. Chinese family from overseas were plenty happy to get steak.

A large second reception was done out of town [far away] for large extended German family [200+]. [no Mandarin spoken] My German is getting better, so is my polka.

A smaller third reception was done out of town [farther away] for extended Chinese family [20+]. [lots of Mandarin spoken] Wife's Mandarin is doing great.

No bridal fashion shows occurred. However, wife looks great in new Chinese gowns.

[wushijiao]

Congrats Long Zhiren! Did you just recently get married? What language do you primarily use with your wife (if you don’t mind my asking)?

[Long Zhiren]

Thank you.

We've been married for a few years now.

We speak primarily English, and often say things to each other in Mandarin, German or Vietnamese. (We worked in Vietnam together for a little while.)

"你说什么? Was?? Tôi không biết! ..."