Getting the crap beat out of you

[woliveri]

I'm currently in the US. However, I have a "chat" friend, a native of China who has been telling me of her friend's recent troubles.

Seems her friend has recently found out of her husband's intention to divorce so he can enjoy his new girlfriend. But, since they have a daughter together (husband and wife), he is backing out of the divorce since he will have to pay money to support the child OR he will go forward with the divorce if he can keep the child. Here, he only has interest in the child because of money, no other reason.

Anyway, the other day they got into an argument about this situation and he beat his wife senseless. She received a large gash in her head which is now getting infected.

To make matters worse, the wife shares an apartment with her husband's parents.

The other day the wife's mother (who is nearly 70) came over to attend to her daughter's injuries and then the wifes Father-in-Law beat the wife's mother.

The wife went to the police about her beating but the husband said she just fell down.

My "chat" friend said the law follows money in China so there's nothing the wife can do.

Does anyone have any experiences or comments here?

[Liu Bang]

Yes, I've heard of this kind of exteme violence, teeth getting knocked out etc.

But remember this happens in every society. American, Brazil, Turkey, anywhere...so I would be careful not to assume that this is some special defect of China.

Unfortunately women face the same problems everywhere.

[woliveri]

Yes, it happens here in the US for sure, not saying we're perfect by a long shot. However, we can have the cops come, get it documented and eventually get a restraining order if it continues. Also, it would show a bad temperment on the part of the husband so child custody would be in question.

What would happen if a foreigner witness a man beating on his wife, girlfriend, or other inocent life form and stepped in to stop it?

[Quest]

What would happen if a foreigner witness a man beating on his wife, girlfriend, or other inocent life form and stepped in to stop it?

If you are or pretend to be a journalist... Where did it take place? I can't imagine that happening in big towns and cities. If it happened in Guangzhou, the wife would probably go home and have her brothers and father or any male relatives and friends to come over and settle it, with or without the police. j/k, has she tried other police stations? or tried to get the media's attention? or just go home to her parents...

[woliveri]

If it happened in Guangzhou, the wife would probably go home and have her brothers and father or any male relatives and friends to come over and settle it, with or without the police.

This is exactly what I suggested but it appears her brother could care less about his sister.

She's working on getting the media's attention now.

[Quest]

Has she tried other legal procedures, going to the local police station is just one of them. Some police wouldn't do anything if the case is small. It's not always about money and bribes. Domestic violence is a problem everywhere, and harder to deal with in developing countries.

[roddy]

The police are ineffective at the best of times, and they're probably particularly reluctant to get involved in a domestic situation. There are women's organisation such as the 妇联, and other more grassroots organisations, but how much practical assistance they are able to give, I don't know.

We've had this come up a couple of times previously - here's one.

[Green Pea]

Sounds like you will be hit up for some money soon to help out the "friend."

[wushijiao]

Recently my wife’s best friend from college, a young Chinese woman, suffered similar problems. She was beaten by her boyfriend fairly savagely, including strangling her with a wire. She called the police twice. The man sweet talked the cops. The police didn’t take any actions because “they were living together”.

When I found out about this I was furious. I contemplated calling my embassy on her behalf. I contemplated going down to his city to beat the living crap out of this piece of masochistic human trash. (As it turned out, she got finally safely moved cities. This, of course, sounded like the obvious solution. But, from the victim’s point of view, changing hukou’s, leaving one’s employment, leaving friends, gathering the money for a move, and dealing with severe psychological abuse all make leaving an abusive situation really difficult). I suppose if I had beaten this guy to a pulp, I could theoretically be arrested and deported. However, using the police’s convoluted logic, if I moved in with him or became his lover, then I suppose I could wantonly beat and abuse him under the cover of it being our private business.

[bhchao]

I support you on this one wushijiao. This guy deserves no mercy, let alone any guy who treats women like this.

[elina]

I’m so sorry to hear that.

I doubt if the policeman, 妇联 and media can do a practical favor. I suppose she can only get help from her own friends and relatives. I’m also sorry to say these. But I still hope I’m wrong.

[outcast]

Another idea, get several of her male relatives really angry about this, then go and have them beat him senseless.

And wifebeating is getting out of hand.

http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/journals/3104605.html

http://whatsakyer.mu.nu/archives/091425.php

We must do something to stop this. What the government is doing is either ineffective or is just not enough. We must do more.

The west will always view China as a backward country unless this attitude changes. China will never be great until this backwardness is destroyed.

[nipponman]

Another idea, get several of her male relatives really angry about this, then go and have them beat him senseless.

That's how we'd handle that in the hood.

[Song You Shen]

That's how we'd handle that in the hood.

haha, yes, also tipically involving bars, bats and other blunt objects. Oh, and it wouldn't just be the family of the woman... it would also most likely involve the friends of the family of the woman... but hey, isn't that what friends are for?

Youshen

[outcast]

Another idea is hire some goons to go and beat him.

I find it sad that this behavior is tolerated and people try and find excuses to justify it. Chinese men have earned themselves something of a reputation of being wife beating, daughter hating people. While not all are like, their attitudes about this do nothing to stop that perception. Is this country REALLY so backward?

[Ncao]

Remember, unfortunately domestic violence happens all over the world. Even in the good old U.S. Of A. But I do believe China should have stricker laws against domestic violence and have more and better resources to help battered spouses.

[sebtrois]

....money

Green Pea is so right !

next phone call will be how a few thousands would be needed for the medical bill, or for her to move out.... the more sympathetic you will have been over the phone during the first call, the more difficult it will be for you to get away

[Xiaohua]

I was just looking at some of the old threads. And came across this. I feel really sorry for this girl. But I have some advice that would help no matter wether her brothers help her fight or not. She needs to pick something up and crash it across his head. Or waiit until he gose to sleep and beat the hell out of him with a bat. Take boiling hot water and throw it on him. Because if a man hit me, and then turned around and hit my mother. He would be in a fight for his life.

There was this one time that a guy hit me. He punched me in my arm. He was not my boyfriend, I only knew him through a friend. Anyway, after he hit me in my arm, he lost all count of time. I punched him in the jaw, uppercut him in the ribs, tripped him to the ground, and did a choke hold on him. He was a big dude. But when you know how to fight, you can handle things like this. My advice, is for women to train themselves in fighting. I was taught by my father how to fight. Women should take self-defense classes, and learn how to handle themselves. After I was done with that man, he had the nerves to try to press charges on me! And the cops saw how beat up he was, they thought I started it. But I had witnesses to show that he started the fight. So I never got into trouble for it. But women should stand up for themselves. Show men that you won't stand around and be their punching bag. If you don't they will walk all over you.

[gougou]

after he hit me in my arm [...] I punched him in the jaw, uppercut him in the ribs, tripped him to the ground, and did a choke hold on him

Ah, christmas, time of forgiving...

I think it's a great idea to stand up for your rights, and I strongly detest men beating women, but don't you think you overreacted a little?

[bhchao]

I think it's a great idea to stand up for your rights, and I strongly detest men beating women, but don't you think you overreacted a little?

Men should never hit women, ever. Chances are that this is the type of guy who will repeat his behavior if left unchecked. A decisive retribution will show that such behavior will not be tolerated.

Frankly speaking, assertive women land better men: http://english.chosun.com/w21data/html/news/200611/200611250002.html

Of course you're not going to just stand there and tell him to please not hit you. It will make the guy look down on you even more.