Rich guy seeks girl, must be virgin

[td36285n]

I'm curious to know what you guys think about this article:

http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/english/doc/2006-01/24/content_515001.htm

[deezy]

I think the guy is a sucker for basically putting out an ad to find poor gold-diggas to suck him dry. God only hopes he at least got an airight pre-nup!!!

Otherwise, let's just see how this would "work":

His gushing new bride spends his dough like she just won the lottery (and in effect, she did)! If he doth protests her to control her spending, she will threaten a divorce and taking half his net worth. Thus, she can go on unlimited shopping sprees with his hard-earned money and have covert affairs...and what can he do? Nothing - cuz he's STUCK with her bill and her BS-4-LIFE. Now if he ever gets reallly sick of it...he can always kick her out - along with half his $$$! Otherwise, it's still "cheaper to keep her," if only he can maintain his sanity for that long!

A guy like this might be better off just "playing the field" for a while...a long, loong, while....

[jbiesnecker]

I doubt that with China's court's prediliction toward ruling in favor of the party with the most money that he'd have to worry all that much about her getting 50% of his estate with a divorce.

Having bucketloads of money and interviewing wife applicants sort of takes all the fun out of finding that one special girl, doesn't it?

[Ncao]

I wonder what would he do if the girl lies about being a virgin. Does the government grant divorces if the woman lies about being a virgin before the marriage?

[bhchao]

The NYTimes came out with a similar article today on this subject.

Check this out: http://www.nytimes.com/2006/01/24/international/asia/24china.html?_r=1&8hpib

It talks about how many women on Mainland are saving their virginities for very wealthy men.

[jbiesnecker]

The NY Times article and the China Daily article are the same--check out the byline on the China Daily article.

[bhchao]

Extra caution needs to be practiced when dating Mainland girls.

It is best not to tell them what you do. If they ask you "What do you do?" Just say "I am a human being."

If they keep on chasing you even though you have a mediocre job, then you know for sure this girl might have the potential to be a quality woman who is not materialistic.

Beware of Green Card seekers or golddiggers. If you are an American, marry a woman from the mainland who is one of those diggers, and take her to the USA with you, all or at least 50% of your retirement annuity may pass to her once you die, even though you divorced her and married another woman who possess greater inner qualities.

[jbiesnecker]

Extra caution needs to be practiced when dating Mainland girls.

I always hear crap like this, it's just that--crap. One should exercise caution when getting married, PERIOD, as it is one of the biggest decisions of your life and not the sort of thing to rush into willy-nilly.

Yeah, there are a lot of gold-digging mainland Chinese, but there are a lot of gold-digging American women too. To paint mainland Chinese as somehow worse than any other group of people is just racist and wrong.

[imron]

I think the problem is more that in say America (or Australia/England/your western country of choice) your ordinary average joe isn't really going to attract the attention of said gold-diggers by dint of the fact that he doesn't have any gold.

In China however, where being foreign is generally perceived as being wealthy, they will automatically become more of a target for these gold-diggers. So it's no so much that there are more or less gold-diggers in one country versus another, just that a westerner in China is more likely to be targeted by the gold-diggers because of the perceived notion of foreign=rich.

In addition, if you were American and marrying an American, there's no concern or issue about that person marrying you in order to get an American passport/ticket out of China etc. Whereas the same isn't always true for say an American marrying a Chinese (by this I don't mean to imply that this scenario is common, merely that it has been known to happen).

So, yes there are gold-diggers where ever you go in the world, but depending on where you are, you may find yourself being more or less of a target of such people.

[bhchao]

I always hear crap like this, it's just that--crap. One should exercise caution when getting married, PERIOD, as it is one of the biggest decisions of your life and not the sort of thing to rush into willy-nilly.

What crap? The only ones that are crap are the billionaires who advertise their wealth to attract golddigging women just for the sake of getting married. How desperate can you get? If one should exercise caution when getting married, then why are these millionaires flaunting their wealth to attract women's attention just to get married? Are they even aware that these kind of women ARE crap?

No one is painting mainland Chinese as worse than any other group of people. You are just being oversensitive. If that's the case, then that is your problem. It is THESE kind of people whose primary reasons for tying the knot are purely monetary that are worse than any other group of people.

[carlo]

If they keep on chasing you even though you have a mediocre job, then you know for sure this girl might have the potential to be a quality woman who is not materialistic.

So are you suggesting we give up our fat expat packages and take up jobs as construction workers? Unfortunately sometimes even if you don't want to attract the wrong kind of attention, you may have not much of a choice. The way I see it, caution is never a bad idea.

[wushijiao]

I agree with imron’s overall appraisal of the situation. People have married for power, money, and status since the dawn of time in every civilization. There might be some factors that heighten this trend in China, however. China has one of the least equitable health systems in the world. It also has one of the least equitable education systems in the world. If your child has health problems in China, he may die if you can’t come up with the cash. If you want to raise a healthy child and give her a great education, it will cost a small fortune in modern China. So, if a person is going to marry in order to perpetuate a healthy and stable environment for raising children (which is a core ideal of the American “Religious Right”, not just belonging to so-called Confucian countries), then one really can’t blame a person for taking money into consideration when finding a mate. Yes, money buys you Prada bags, but money also buys your kid a chance to see a doctor at China’s pay-in-advance hospitals.

I think one could also add that Chinese women often come under amazing social and familial pressure to get married at a relatively early age, which can complicate and hasten any decision about marriage. This is true for men as well, but to a lesser extent, in my opinion.

[bhchao]

So are you suggesting we give up our fat expat packages and take up jobs as construction workers?

Of course not. Women do look for men who are financially stable, if not necessarily millionaires or billionaires.

But if I was viewing this from a woman perspective, I rather go for a guy who has genuine feelings and affection towards the woman, protects or takes care of her, rather than a super-wealthy guy who is just interested in having a female body by his side.

How do these women who replied to the ads know that these wealthy guys will be the ideal type of guy I just described when they haven't even met him, and they already wanted to marry him after reading an ad that he is super-rich?

Marriage should be about having deep feelings for each other, sharing common interests and hobbies, and sharing the same values in life; rather than on the number of dollars in your bank account.

It's also about accepting the other person for who they are as a person. If these men didn't have such low self-esteem, they would not advertise their wealth over the newspaper so they can get hitched in a shotgun marriage when they don't even know the person.

This reminds me of Anna Nicole Smith's marriage with that 90-year old guy several years ago.

[jbiesnecker]

bhchao,

Pretty obviously the girls applying to marry the billionaire are gold-diggers, nobody is going to dispute that. But you didn't reference those girls, you said:

Extra caution needs to be practiced when dating Mainland girls.

Given that there are what, 700+ million women on the mainland, I don't think I can be faulted for thinking that you painted with too wide a brush.

The sort of advice people peddle for dating "Mainland girls" is the sort of thing that one should consider no matter where the girl (or the guy, for that matter) is from. Does he/she really love me for who I am? Is he/she in it just for the money? These are questions that you should ask yourself whether the person is from Chicago or Chongqing.

There are certainly women, and men, in China that are looking toward marriage as an escape from their current situation, but that could be said about basically every country on Earth. Yes being foreign in China makes you more of a target than you would be at home, but walk into a bar in New York, Chicago, Miami, etc. wearing an Armani suit and a Rolex and see if you don't get more attention than you would if you were wearing jeans and a T-shirt. The outward signs of wealth may be different (being white/foreign vs. having some actual expensive things to show that you're wealthy) but the result will be basically the same.

[deezy]

I think imron made some good points. To elaborate on them:

1) Foreigners are assumed to be richer, on average, than locals. Well, based upon payscales and such, this is true. I mean, just think of how strongly street vendors target you everytime you walk down the street. Cuz, foreigner = walking ATM in their minds. And, they're not exactly wrong, either.

2) China suffered a lot of horrific mass poverty during Communism after their Civil War and World War. So, they're probably sick of all the idealistic Communist slogans - and just want to enjoy a more comfortable living now. People want what they don't have. And most haven't had a high standard of living for decades now. Which takes money. No, money isn't everything, but you need some of it to accomplish your goals. Or a greencard - the other potential underlying motive.

3) The man traditionally bears the responsibility as breadwinner and provider within Chinese families. When push comes to shove, he better come up with the moolah to pay the bills for his wife, his parents, her parents and their kid(s). Assuming that, it's probably not wise to marry an impoverished underachiever - despite what sappy chick flix all tell us!

To summarize, it's a bit unfair to paint these poor women who simply want a higher standard of living as mere "golddiggas." They simply want what most of us here already have. Not always something extravagant, but closer to an industrialized norm. It's all relative.

Now, with that said, y'all still better watch ya wallets, fellas! I've had several bad Stateside experiences with price-gouging by mainlanders because many do (understandably) get so focused on money. So, don't be a sucka - or they WILL suck the money right outta ya!

[yingguoguy]

One of my female Chinese friends once said something which I've always wondered about as it struck me as odd at the time. We were having one of our many discussions about love and relationships and she said something alongs the lines of "If a man has lots of money, then he's probably a good man." Taken aback by this I asked her to elaborate and she explained like this:

If a man has made his own money, then you know he's hard working and intelligent. If he's inherited his money from his father, then his father will have been hard-working and intelligent and will have brought his son up right. How successful a man has been in life (as a dollar figure) is an direct indication of his quality.

I don't know if this is a typically Chinese way of thinking, my friend's pretty quirky. I should say straight off she's not a gold-digger, but being successful in her own right she has some definate requirements for her future husband.

Now, I think that in the West we tend to have a different way of thinking. The richer a man is, the more likely we are to think of him as a bad man, the question being "How many people has he stepped on to get where he is today"

[deezy]

If a man has made his own money, then you know he's hard working and intelligent. If he's inherited his money from his father, then his father will have been hard-working and intelligent and will have brought his son up right. How successful a man has been in life (as a dollar figure) is an direct indication of his quality.

Well, there is some truth to this (assuming he did it all legally and legitly).

You'll notice that poor people often have many self-defeating behaviors, vices, lack self-discipline, are fiscally-irresponsible, emotional buyers/decision-makers, extravagant spenders, sacrifice long-term benefits for instant gratification, etc etc. Similar to an obese person - how many of them have healthy diets & lifestyles?

Whereas self-made semi-wealthy people tend to be the opposite - more self-disciplined, methodical, frugal, etc etc. Similar to a healthy person - how many of them pay strict attention to their health?

Point is, there's usually at least a few good reasons why people are either poor or financially solvent, obese or healthy. And a lot of it has to do with that person themself.

Now, in the post-feminist, post-industrialist West, women may not make these pragmatic overgeneralizations - but the opposite, if anything. However, also consider that the American divorce rate is now 50% and ~30% of all American babies are now born to single moms... So, who's really being more realistic here?

[bhchao]

jbiesnecker,

I stand by what I said. Of course there are many Mainland girls who are not golddiggers, and whose primary attraction to a potential mate is non-monetary. However the proportion of women in mainland China whose motive in selecting a mate is purely monetary is greater than in the US since China is a poorer country.

Does he/she really love me for who I am? Is he/she in it just for the money? These are questions that you should ask yourself whether the person is from Chicago or Chongqing.

True, but the predicament of women whose primary attraction to a guy is 100% monetary is far greatly represented in Mainland China than in the USA because women's social status in Mainland, like earning potential and power, have ways to go before they reach par with the status of women in the US or other regions in Asia.

Therefore I or any other guy in the USA for that matter would be more alert to this ulterior motive when dating or meeting a Mainland girl for the first time in a relationship setting.

Wait 15-20 years, and the gap between women's social status on Mainland versus those in the US and other countries would probably narrow significantly. By then, a man's wealth would become much less of an attraction than it is now.

China suffered a lot of horrific mass poverty during Communism after their Civil War and World War. So, they're probably sick of all the idealistic Communist slogans - and just want to enjoy a more comfortable living now. People want what they don't have. And most haven't had a high standard of living for decades now. Which takes money. No, money isn't everything, but you need some of it to accomplish your goals. Or a greencard - the other potential underlying motive.

I understand that, however that does not justify marrying a woman whose underlying motive is a greencard just because China suffered under Communism. Based on your logic, then it is ok for a woman in China to marry a guy for purely monetary reasons just because China suffered during Communism. What if the guy is a wife-beater? So the guy's money precedes this aspect in importance?

Money is indeed important, but to make it your primary underlying attraction in a mate is risky.

[imron]

Back home, if I'm just being my normal self (i.e no Armani suit or Rolex watch), and if I'm dating someone, I don't have to worry about if she's interested in money (if anything my lack of it would probably be more of a reason for her to leave me ) and nor do I have to worry that she is interested in my passport.

In China, if I'm just being my normal self, then these concerns are there. Even if they are there only briefly, they are still two concerns that would cross my mind when dating a Chinese woman that wouldn't be there in Australia.

So, when I'm just being my normal self, in China I have more to be concerned about and therefore need to exercise more caution. In the same way, if I ever manage to amass vast sums of money, then I would also need to excercise more caution when dating Australian women.

If he's inherited his money from his father, then his father will have been hard-working and intelligent and will have brought his son up right.

This I disagree with. The school where I teach, the hard working and intelligent students are all the ones from poor backgrounds who are trying their best to improve their and their family's situation. Without fail, all the the trouble students and slackers come from families with lots of money. Those kids know they don't have to work because they know that whatever happens their parents will just provide for everything, and often it seems like the parents are merely using the school as an expensive babysitter, rather than a provider of education.

[mr.stinky]

doesn't seem to be too much of a problem if you explain your situation.

1. i'm a student.

2. i'll be here studying 2-3 years.

3. i have no job and no income.

4. i have a student visa, therefore no prospect of (legally) working.

5. if i'm very lucky, my savings will last the course of my studies, but only if

i'm careful, and eat at my girlfriend's fairly often.

6. after completing studies? i may stay here, but no plans of returning.