skylee Posted February 19, 2006 at 11:14 PM Report Posted February 19, 2006 at 11:14 PM Because of this conversation, I have written my first poem -> 南國春晚來 木棉獨長葉 思量舊時樹 今年發花否 賦詩問佳人 伊只笑我痴 春到花艷紅 夏至棉絮飛 本乃自然事 年年復年年 It does not follow any poem-making rules (as I don't know them). But despite all its faults, I am quite pleased with it. Quote
Quest Posted February 20, 2006 at 01:00 AM Report Posted February 20, 2006 at 01:00 AM ^---Original Comment. Per Roddy's request: cool! should be used. Definition of cool: fashionable and attractive at the time; often skilled or socially adept; "he's a cool dude"; "that's cool"; "Mary's dress is really cool"; "it's not cool to arrive at a party too early" Quote
Outofin Posted February 20, 2006 at 01:59 AM Report Posted February 20, 2006 at 01:59 AM Not bad, keep up! I like story-telling poems. Quote
elina Posted February 20, 2006 at 05:44 AM Report Posted February 20, 2006 at 05:44 AM Interesting and good, do not forget to contribute it somewhere to gain some author's remuneration. Quote
Lu Posted February 20, 2006 at 03:42 PM Report Posted February 20, 2006 at 03:42 PM I could actually read that. And I like it too! Quote
amego Posted February 20, 2006 at 04:05 PM Report Posted February 20, 2006 at 04:05 PM 呜~~~不错不错，加油哦! Quote
skylee Posted February 24, 2006 at 06:02 AM Author Report Posted February 24, 2006 at 06:02 AM Thanks for the response. I've sent the poem to my friends and they without exception very politely said it was a nice attempt. One friend said the ending was abrupt, which I don't agree (the ending is not good, but it is not abrupt). The friend mentioned in the poem said, "That's interesting but I would suggest you give an alternative ending, i.e. what does the regularity or "faithfulness" of nature means to you?" So I have come up with an alternative ending - 南國春晚來 木棉獨長葉 思量舊時樹 今年發花否 賦詩問佳人 伊只笑我痴 春到花艷紅 夏至棉絮飛 本非從人願 背信又如何 The 信 of course refers to 花信. I myself think the the poem is immature and definitely lacks depth. And it is not accurate as a record of the conversation concerned. I don't hope to become anything near Su Shi and the likes, but wish that perhaps one day I could come up with something as vivid as 山似相思久，推窗撲面來. Quote
skylee Posted February 24, 2006 at 06:17 AM Author Report Posted February 24, 2006 at 06:17 AM Friends have quickly responded and in general they think the alternative ending is worse. Quote
chenpv Posted February 24, 2006 at 06:35 AM Report Posted February 24, 2006 at 06:35 AM Skylee, nice poem. personally I like the first ending better, because it has left much room for people to think and to taste. Especially, this '年年复年年', it could refer to the flower, also your qualm. Very nice indeed. Anyway, its just my personal opinion. Quote
Lu Posted February 24, 2006 at 04:41 PM Report Posted February 24, 2006 at 04:41 PM Skylee, actually I'm a bit surprised this is your first attempt, since you once mentioned you read quite a lot of poetry. Quote
skylee Posted February 24, 2006 at 04:57 PM Author Report Posted February 24, 2006 at 04:57 PM it is the first poem. You see reading is not the same as writing ... BTW, one friend says he likes 紅棉樹 a lot and does not like the idea of 紅棉背信. And 紅棉 is also called 英雄樹 ... Quote
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