How to ask about Flirting in Chinese?

[weiming]

吃'谁'的豆腐 is a colloquialism meaning 'to take advantage of someone. Originally it was a colloquialism for taking liberties with a woman. Men should not say this to women, and if a woman says it to a man, it means something to the effect of 'you're not trying to play me, are you?'

I've heard men use this jokingly with male friends again..."how can you take advantage of me like that?" 你怎么可以吃我豆腐？

调情 is a noun, or intransitive verb.

挑逗 is the transitive verb you're looking for.

HOWEVER...[and this is the...single biggest problem with translation] your problem is a cultural one. You could say this 你在挑逗我吗？And be understood, but in English it's something that we like to say, a common phrase made popular in movies and on television. In my impression of Chinese, it won't have the same efficacy.

Of course, if you ever find yourself in a situation of trying to use these lines with someone, your actual proficiency with the language will be one of the last things to determine the 'outcome' of your exchange. Trust me.

[PollyWaffle]

i was told 吃豆腐 meant to make out with someone without running the whole way round the oval...

[Guest realmayo]

yes I’d been told it was a play on the soft delicate and wobbly texture of doufu…

[teatea]

firstly, "调情，挑逗" are both n. and vt. But Chinese seldom use these words orally. They are more frequently seen on novels.

Secondly, "吃豆腐" means sexual disrespect towards women. It has the similar meaning with "、动手动脚"，which means touch women bodys without permission.

At last, we prefer implicit language and prefer express themselves indirectly, especially on things related to sex. So, the two sentences should been spoken out indirectly. "你是不是对我有意思，你是不是喜欢我。" may be a good choice, which I have give in the former post.

[weiming]

teatea:

That is quite possibly the most accurate, incisive and informative explanation I have ever seen. It wasn't my question, but I have a much clearer understanding with the simple explanation you have given. Your understanding of both langauges is amazing.

[venture160]

I have heard that 占她(或者他)的便宜 is another way of saying 吃(谁)的豆腐. I was watching "Jerry Mguire" and Cuba Gudding Jr. was asking Tom Cruise if he had slept with that girl or not, the translation they kept running in the subtitles was 有没有占了她的便宜啊? my Chinese friends told me its the same as the DouFu concept.

[weiming]

Yes but 占她(或者他)的便宜 is literally 'to take advantage' of someone, in the physical sense, 'to have an unfair advantage' in the figurative sense, and is not a colloquialism, it can be used in any direction really. I think this further proves teatea's point that it's a cultural thing.

In the area of sex, flirtation and all that good stuff Americans/Westerners are just way more direct and frank than [most] Chinese could ever imagine. As a result, most of what one might want to say will have to be approximated, or left out entirely.

[teatea]

I think "占她的便宜" can be translated to "take advantage of her" in English. It is another way of saying "吃豆腐". But the former is usually used when the man and woman are acquainted, while the latter is used when the two don't know each other or are not familiar with each other yet.

And "占她便宜" is often said while "占他便宜" seldom. Perhaps because it is thought that women won't enjoy sex but suffer from it in Chinese culture.

"占便宜，吃豆腐" are expressions of taking unfair advantage of women, as weiming said. But flirtation, I think, is a gesture to tell the woman or the man that I like you.

[weiming]

//I think "占她的便宜" can be translated to "take advantage of her" in English//

Yes of course, I meant the phrase 占便宜 itself there. Lazy copy-pasting.

//Perhaps because it is thought that women won't enjoy sex but suffer from it in Chinese culture.//

It could even be argued that this thought process is propogated to allow women to take part in sex without being guilty of the 'crime' of admitting to enjoying it...

But that is a long, rocky, and dangerous off topic road to travel down, so I won't explore it any further.

[teatea]

I didn't copy it. I wrote just because I thought so. My thread is just under yours. I don't think copy your words directlly is wise.

[andrewfz]

you could ask...你是跟我在调情吗？（ni shi gen wo zai diao qing ma ?) ...an answer in the affirmative would just be a 对啊　！　

[weiming]

teatea:

Sorry you must have misunderstood, I was referring to my own copy-pasting.

Andrew:

'调' in your sentence would be pronounced 'tiao2', '是' could be removed (and mostly is, colloquially). And the whole thing could sort of be...rearranged to: 你在跟我在调情吗?

But even then, I have to go with our resident expert on this thread teatea, who has tried to point out that this situation isn't normally approached this way.

At any rate, I'm sure this is something the starter of the thread, and others, will just have to feel out for themselves.

[HashiriKata]

I'm British and so naturally I'm not interested in anything to do with sex , just a strictly linguistic question for Weiming:

What made you change Andrewfz's sentence: 你是跟我在调情吗？into: 你在跟我在调情吗?

To me, Andrewfz's seems a perfectly natural sentence in the context and the one you suggested is much less natural (or even wrong!) to me, don't you think? Is there something perhaps I'm not yet clear?