Tradition in Chinese family

[bpv1969]

Hi - I have a question about Taiwan/Chinese customs and tradition. I currently live in the USA. My wife is from Taiwan and emigrated to the USA in 1983. Sadly, she was only 36 years old and passed away 8 weeks ago.

Her parents were from mainland China. They emigrated to Taiwan during the communist revolution and then later emigrated to the USA, where they currently live.

I am starting to think about finances and had a couple of questions related to my in-laws (my wife's parents).

In Chinese culture, I believe the children help support their parents as they grow older and retire. This is not typically the case with American families.

My wife's parents have been very kind to me. I want to do the right thing and I want to do what my wife would have wanted. I believe she would want me to follow "typical" Chinese/Taiwan customs.

So here are my questions:

1.) If we lived in Taiwan and my wife passed away, would I "normally" support her parents after she passed away?

2.) Would this "typically" be done as a monthly payment or a lump sum payment or a little of both?

3.) I was thinking I would give them a monthly payment equal to the amount my wife was giving them before she passed away. Is this "acceptable"?

I would appreciate any feedback. I was hoping to get other knowledgeable perspectives on this before I approached my wife's parents.

Sincerely,

Brian

[mind_wander]

Brian,

Well these three are very good questions, as for myself are not in this situation. I would do what she would normally give for her family. It is also, chinese tradition to help your parent, until they retire.

I am Asian-American, my mom is from Taiwan/ father from Mainland. So, this would be the right way to it. Mostly help out the family whenever you can[emergencies are very important], if needed. Always have that fexibility in order to help. It shows that you have better character and showing respect to Chinese traditions/ Western. This way it builds both strengths between the East/West.

P.S. This would be my best advice for ya. The point is to bring you much closer to the family, then before. Hope this helps..

Sam

[skylee]

Sorry for your loss.

I, and also my sister and brother, give my parents a monthly payment and I will do so as long as they live. I have no ideas about your Q1 and Q2 but am sure Q3 is acceptable, although it may not be necessary if your in-laws are well-to-do.

[bpv1969]

Thanks for your reply Sam. That's exactly what I was looking for. I live very close to my in-laws (just over a mile away). We had a close relationsip before my wife passed away, and I do my best to keep the relationship strong. I drop in every week to check up on them and see if they need anything. Although their English is not so good, and my Chinese is even worse, I will try to approach them about the subject of giving them money. I love them like they were my own parents and this I think it will be a nice gesture to give them money to help them financially, just as their daughter did. Your response to my post makes me feel more confident that my wife would want me to do so. Thanks so much.

[mind_wander]

Brian,

I gladly appricate that someone responded positively to my response. Before I written this response, I'd to think clearly, if it was my own situation and on how to write it in a non offenseive way.

The road your taking is perfect, as you written in your response. The more you do it, then more you will be even closer. Of course, still cultural difference are still apparent. However, by showing more attempts that you care about the family. This would be the true sign, caring about the family is true is all that matters; really.

P.S. Some bit of advice, if you wanted to show some communication skills. Try to learn some Chinese mandarin, anything will do, I guess for starters. Also, Taiwan natives would also, speaks Hokkien. I hope this really helps, one day I would be in this situation or maybe not. I guess my life is help others whenever, I can.

Sam